Why won’t my (19M) gf (18F) end things? And should I do it instead to protect her?

So I am dating this girl. It’s been around 2 months, and those 2 months have been great. We aren’t serious, because at the start I said it had been too soon since my big breakup with my ex of a year (it had only been 2 months since the breakup), and I am only here until the start of May, when I’m leaving. So it’s just a short term fling until I leave. I like her a lot and she’s good fun to hang out with, I’m really attracted to her, etc. But our relationship and interactions are quite shallow and not deep, and I don’t feel that intense relationship connection or chemistry I did with my ex. She was absolutely fine with this just being a short term thing and for it to not get deep or serious.

Me and my ex dated for a year, 3 months of that long distance when she went to uni. I always thought she was the love of my life. Then she cheated on me and then dumped me in November. Long distance didn’t work well. She apologized and said it was a mistake and we got back together for a bit over Christmas. But I felt different about the relationship considering everything that happened. I still loved her but our relationship felt weird. We agreed to break up completely when she left back to uni, which I was happy with because I didn’t want to be long distance with her ever again. We still agreed that we might meet up in the future and stay friends though, and see what might happen between us.

I stopped thinking about or missing my ex when she left, and I thought I could move on, or at least meet some new people and see where stuff leads. I knew it was too soon to be getting into anything really serious, but I just thought it might be fun and I might meet some good people who I could stay friends with. That’s when I met my gf. We started off as friends then became more than friends. I never even thought about my ex when I was with her. She was what I thought about romantically and sexually and I was enjoying having her around a lot. My ex never crossed my mind.

Plus my ex was angry I was with someone else so cut me off and me and her stopped talking. During this time, she never even crossed my mind.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and she starts texting me again, starts saying she still loves me and arguing with me about me starting to see someone else, etc. I also realize that her cutting me off made me miss her massively as a friend and as a person. At this point, because of talking to her and realizing I miss her as a friend, I start to think I probably have unresolved feelings for her. I also, since it’s getting closer to summer, I think about the concept that I might see my ex, and suddenly I feel confused about what my feelings really are.

I tell my gf this straight away cuz I thought she should know. I told her that Ive realizes I still have feelings for my ex, and that I don’t know what they are, but when I see her in summer after me and my gf broke up, idk what could happen and I could end up back together with my ex. I expected her to break up with me, and thought considering I still had feelings for my ex, that would be the best option as it would be unfair to continue in a relationship with her. She was upset but says she doesn’t care, because me and her are only short term anyway, and my ex is miles away at uni, and won’t be a problem for us, because by the time I actually see her and think about her and confront my feelings, me and my gf will have broken up. This seemed logical and since I still wanted to be with my gf until I leave, I agreed, so we stayed together.

Now I find out my ex is coming back to our hometown for a week, and I’m probably going to see her. Now it’s like I can’t forget about my feelings and just go on with my gf like I had been doing. That had worked fine and I was completely only thinking about my gf, but now my ex was coming back I realised I’d I have to confront my feelings sooner, and while me and my gf are still together.

I told my gf about the fact my ex is coming back and the fact I want to see her, but I told her she’s only here for 3 days, so I won’t even see her much, and nothing romantic/sexual would happen between us. Guess what she said? She said she doesn’t care. I can see my ex and do whatever I want, as long as nothing happens between us and it doesn’t ruin/breakup me and my gf.

I don’t understand this. If I was her I’d break up with me, I wouldn’t be okay with this, and I think that might be the best option given everything. I just want to go back to being good friends with my gf. It’s too complicated otherwise. I feel so bad for hanging out with my ex who I still have feelings for, and for texting her and her FaceTiming me randomly when she’s drunk. When I’m still in a relationship with my gf, I feel really stressed out ah guilty about all these things. I don’t think it’s fair on her. I don’t want to break up with her to get back with my ex, and I don’t want my gf to think that’s what I’m doing because it’s not and that’s horrible. My ex is here for like 3 days only and I don’t want to be back with my ex, but I want to sort things out between me and her, and spend time with her as a friend because I really miss her. And also with what I said to my gf a week ago, I don’t know how seeing her and spending time with her is gonna change my feelings, and I don’t know how she is okay with this. I feel like she isn’t and she’s just saying she is. I don’t want to hurt her more than I have.

Basically, I was hoping given everything that my gf would agree that it’s better for us to break up and go back to friends. I still want to spend lots of time with her until I leave because she’s important to me and I like her a lot, and I want to keep her as a good friend, but I really just want to be friends. Anything else really really makes me feel bad, gives me anxiety, and makes everything 1000x more complicated than it should be. The problem is, she doesn’t think this and just wants to be with me. It seems like she wants to be with me no matter what, and is ignoring all of this.

I’m thinking I should just ask if we can be just friends, but I think this will hurt her too, and I’m so worried of hurting her a lot. Let me know what you guys think ;)

Tl;dr: Short term, non-serious gf of 2 months really wants to still be with me until I leave (start of May), even though I’ve realised and told her I still have feelings for my ex, who is now, last-minute, coming back to visit in 2 weeks. I think me and my gf should just be friends because I think, given everything, it isn’t fair to be in a relationship, but I don’t think she agrees, and will probably be hurt if I ask to just be friends.

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 06:20PM

So I am dating this girl. It’s been around 2 months, and those 2 months have been great. We aren’t serious, because at the start I said it had been too soon since my big breakup with my ex of a year (it had only been 2 months since the breakup), and I am only here until the start of May, when I’m leaving. So it’s just a short term fling until I leave. I like her a lot and she’s good fun to hang out with, I’m really attracted to her, etc. But our relationship and interactions are quite shallow and not deep, and I don’t feel that intense relationship connection or chemistry I did with my ex. She was absolutely fine with this just being a short term thing and for it to not get deep or serious.Me and my ex dated for a year, 3 months of that long distance when she went to uni. I always thought she was the love of my life. Then she cheated on me and then dumped me in November. Long distance didn’t work well. She apologized and said it was a mistake and we got back together for a bit over Christmas. But I felt different about the relationship considering everything that happened. I still loved her but our relationship felt weird. We agreed to break up completely when she left back to uni, which I was happy with because I didn’t want to be long distance with her ever again. We still agreed that we might meet up in the future and stay friends though, and see what might happen between us.I stopped thinking about or missing my ex when she left, and I thought I could move on, or at least meet some new people and see where stuff leads. I knew it was too soon to be getting into anything really serious, but I just thought it might be fun and I might meet some good people who I could stay friends with. That’s when I met my gf. We started off as friends then became more than friends. I never even thought about my ex when I was with her. She was what I thought about romantically and sexually and I was enjoying having her around a lot. My ex never crossed my mind.Plus my ex was angry I was with someone else so cut me off and me and her stopped talking. During this time, she never even crossed my mind.Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and she starts texting me again, starts saying she still loves me and arguing with me about me starting to see someone else, etc. I also realize that her cutting me off made me miss her massively as a friend and as a person. At this point, because of talking to her and realizing I miss her as a friend, I start to think I probably have unresolved feelings for her. I also, since it’s getting closer to summer, I think about the concept that I might see my ex, and suddenly I feel confused about what my feelings really are.I tell my gf this straight away cuz I thought she should know. I told her that Ive realizes I still have feelings for my ex, and that I don’t know what they are, but when I see her in summer after me and my gf broke up, idk what could happen and I could end up back together with my ex. I expected her to break up with me, and thought considering I still had feelings for my ex, that would be the best option as it would be unfair to continue in a relationship with her. She was upset but says she doesn’t care, because me and her are only short term anyway, and my ex is miles away at uni, and won’t be a problem for us, because by the time I actually see her and think about her and confront my feelings, me and my gf will have broken up. This seemed logical and since I still wanted to be with my gf until I leave, I agreed, so we stayed together.Now I find out my ex is coming back to our hometown for a week, and I’m probably going to see her. Now it’s like I can’t forget about my feelings and just go on with my gf like I had been doing. That had worked fine and I was completely only thinking about my gf, but now my ex was coming back I realised I’d I have to confront my feelings sooner, and while me and my gf are still together.I told my gf about the fact my ex is coming back and the fact I want to see her, but I told her she’s only here for 3 days, so I won’t even see her much, and nothing romantic/sexual would happen between us. Guess what she said? She said she doesn’t care. I can see my ex and do whatever I want, as long as nothing happens between us and it doesn’t ruin/breakup me and my gf.I don’t understand this. If I was her I’d break up with me, I wouldn’t be okay with this, and I think that might be the best option given everything. I just want to go back to being good friends with my gf. It’s too complicated otherwise. I feel so bad for hanging out with my ex who I still have feelings for, and for texting her and her FaceTiming me randomly when she’s drunk. When I’m still in a relationship with my gf, I feel really stressed out ah guilty about all these things. I don’t think it’s fair on her. I don’t want to break up with her to get back with my ex, and I don’t want my gf to think that’s what I’m doing because it’s not and that’s horrible. My ex is here for like 3 days only and I don’t want to be back with my ex, but I want to sort things out between me and her, and spend time with her as a friend because I really miss her. And also with what I said to my gf a week ago, I don’t know how seeing her and spending time with her is gonna change my feelings, and I don’t know how she is okay with this. I feel like she isn’t and she’s just saying she is. I don’t want to hurt her more than I have.Basically, I was hoping given everything that my gf would agree that it’s better for us to break up and go back to friends. I still want to spend lots of time with her until I leave because she’s important to me and I like her a lot, and I want to keep her as a good friend, but I really just want to be friends. Anything else really really makes me feel bad, gives me anxiety, and makes everything 1000x more complicated than it should be. The problem is, she doesn’t think this and just wants to be with me. It seems like she wants to be with me no matter what, and is ignoring all of this.I’m thinking I should just ask if we can be just friends, but I think this will hurt her too, and I’m so worried of hurting her a lot. Let me know what you guys think ;)Tl;dr: Short term, non-serious gf of 2 months really wants to still be with me until I leave (start of May), even though I’ve realised and told her I still have feelings for my ex, who is now, last-minute, coming back to visit in 2 weeks. I think me and my gf should just be friends because I think, given everything, it isn’t fair to be in a relationship, but I don’t think she agrees, and will probably be hurt if I ask to just be friends.