My SO is fat. There I said it. Not a little but a good 80 lbs over weight and I’m embarrassed to go out with him or take full body pictures. We have been seeing each other for a while and when we initially met he said he was on this weight loss journey. But he’s actually been gaining weight in the time that I’ve known him. This summer we have a few events- some formal and I’m embarrassed about how he’s going to look. Not sure what to do. Great guy. Awesome family. He just won’t lose the weight and sometimes I am very bothered by it. He seemed so committed to the weight loss when I met him that I really didn’t think this would be an issue. Anyone else have experience in this area? Submitted May 23, 2019 at 12:10PM My SO is fat. There I said it. Not a little but a good 80 lbs over weight and I’m embarrassed to go out with him or take full body pictures. We have been seeing each other for a while and when we initially met he said he was on this weight loss journey. But he’s actuall...

Hey All, I often post in this sub stating that I do not feel ready to date again yet as I want to sort myself out first (job, PhD finishing, possibly moving..the list goes on!). So, while I do get lonely..I know that I am trying my best to work on myself. With that being said, I had several reminders on how sometimes, it really does feel shitty sometimes and I just wanted to express my experiences. I guess it started when I had to move something kind of heavy and it took absolutely forever as I had to do it on my own while trying to avoid injuring myself. While frustrating, it didn't really sink in for me that much though. I guess what really did it was when I reconnected with my best friend (who got married in November) from back home. We talked and caught up and it was really pleasant...but much of the conversation involved how him and his wife are doing all of these things...ranging from planning trips, moving, to even running errands and I just think to myself, wow, I real...

Hi. Is anyone else single mostly because they have standards that are "too high"? You either never meet that close to ideal person or when you do the attraction isn't mutual & you get rejected? You're not willing to settle so you never meet someone you're willing to have a long term relationship with? Are my, or your, standards too high? Should we look for "must have" vs. "nice to have" qualities in a potential mate? Is not settling worth it w/ the chance of being indefinitely single? At what point do you draw the line or settle? Submitted May 23, 2019 at 02:17PM Hi. Is anyone else single mostly because they have standards that are "too high"?You either never meet that close to ideal person or when you do the attraction isn't mutual & you get rejected?You're not willing to settle so you never meet someone you're willing to have a long term relationship with?Are my, or your, standards too high? Should we l...

So to give a quick overview, a friend had recommended me download OKC to try it out. So I did, a couple days in, a beautiful woman messaged me. This was at the end of March beginning of April. I’m 31m she is 26f Kinda blew my mind, so we kept chatting, she gave me her number. I found out she lives out of state but is moving to my city mid July! I was thrilled. So we keep chatting and I let her know, I’m on my friend’s flight benefits so I can actually come see her for free. She was super happy. She had told me though, she still lives with her ex and another roommate. They broke up because of differences in ambition and views on kids. She would assure me though that nothing is going on between them and that it’s done. So we made plans I’d come down mid May and just stay for the weekend. Leading up to the trip, we would chat a lot every day and since we were really busy we would send quick video messages talking about our day or pictures, nothing risqué just cute ones and what not. ...

I'm [37M] just starting to get back into the dating game after finally feeling recovered enough from a bad heartbreak - took me almost 8 months to start feeling emotionally available enough to attempt any form of meaningful romance but actually starting to feel good again on a daily basis, so back to it! So -- I'm back on the apps and had a good first date with an intelligent attractive woman [30F] and planned a second, but in the interim another woman [25F] appeared spontaneously via instagram -- her and I met at art events previously, didn't know her too well but we began chatting one night when she responded to one of my IG stories. She was being fairly forward in our correspondence and ended up coming by after work one night where we hooked up. She seems like a bit of a party girl -- fun person, some overlapping tastes -- seems down to just hook up and kind of wish it had happened sooner since she's been in the wings for a bit. Then, date 2 with [30F] happened an...

I just met up with a woman from Hinge for coffee this morning. Things went well enough. In the course of our conversation, family plans were brought up. I state on my profiles, where applicable (Bumble and Hinge have these filters), that I'm childfree. I don't want kids. She states that she would like kids one day. She doesn't have that info filled out either way on her profile. I am a little bit disappointed by this. We matched earlier this week and we both had plenty of time to look over one another's profiles. Am I being unreasonable for expecting a match to at least look my profile over once before actually meeting? I did at least discover a new breakfast joint, so the morning wasn't a total waste. Submitted May 23, 2019 at 07:44PM I just met up with a woman from Hinge for coffee this morning. Things went well enough. In the course of our conversation, family plans were brought up. I state on my profiles, where applicable (Bumble and Hinge have these filt...

(long) Before anyone starts to bleat out 'sweet home Alabama', there are three things: Just as the title said, he is my adopted older brother. I was adopted into the family. No blood relation what-so-ever. We are even of two different races. I was adopted into the family when I already turned 17. He already left our parents' house a few years before that to live in neighboring country. So we did not grew up together. We are not from Alabama, we are not even from the US. Bonus point: I actually unironically like some songs from Lynyrd Skynyrd. So suck it lol. When I was 15, I won an International Student Homestay Programs in Germany and my homestay parents were my now adoptive parents. They were middle aged couples who have two adults sons (20 years old and 30 years old). Both sons were already living in neighboring country by then and starting their own business. I bonded very well with my homestay parents cause they wanted to have a daughter and I wanted ...

I'm looking for a little advice from someone who has been on either side of this situation... What you did or what you wish the other person had done.  The TL;DR version is that I told my boyfriend I loved him. He has not said it back. I thought that I would be ok with him not saying it back but I'm finding it hard to determine where to go from here. Do I continue to say it when I feel it? I don't like the idea of almost shoving in his face, and also I don't like the awkwardness that seems to ensue after I say it and he doesn't have a good response. Then again it sucks feeling like I'm holding it in. Am I wasting my time with someone who isn't emotionally available? Are there any conversations we should specifically be having regarding this?  The long version of the story is that we've been dating for 8 months. I started thinking about the L-word in February (so approx 5 months into the relationship) and found myself actively wanting to say it about a...

I was on OLD for a few months last year, met some great guys, some not so great ones. BUT I think I made too many mistakes -- getting attached too soon, not valuing myself enough to wait on sex, and using the number of messages I got as validation. I told myself I'd take 2019 to work on me - mentally, physically, socially. Started opening up more to people, lost 30lbs (and counting!), and made some awesome new girl friends. ​ But I miss that feeling of being excited over someone new and special. Someone to hang out on the couch with and yell at the TV while watching sports. Someone to cuddle with in bed. So after finding this sub and PORING over the posts almost obsessively every day, I think I'm ready. ​ Thank you all for your posts and advice - good and bad. The discussions, the things that made me go "Hmm. That's an interesting point." Wish me luck! Submitted May 23, 2019 at 09:59PM I was on OLD for a few months last year, met some great guys, some n...

The last woman I dated told me my red flag was I didn't go to college and It's really been bothering me, especially since her parents paid for her to go to college. I mean I'm an intelligent guy and I worked 2 jobs w/health insurance (50-60 hours a week), live with roommates and 100% support myself. What makes it even worse is she apologized. Like crying and asking for forgiveness. She said I was the best man she ever dated. She said that I was the only man she dated who ever did things for her and wanted nothing in return and she had been previously engaged TWICE. She said I was the only man she enjoyed having sex with. She described sex with other men as just laying back and waiting for it to be over. But I STILL wasn't good enough. Seriously am I going to be alone because I didn't go to college? Is that REALLY a deal breaker? Also i find it funny how our generation accepts living at home with your parents because of the economy but me not going to college fo...

My post isn't groundbreaking or unique but just wanted to vent. I [35F] finally thought I found someone on OLD that I connected well with during the first date, which was a few days ago. Right after the date he told me that he had a good time and enjoyed talking with me, I also told him I had a good time and would like to go out again with him, and he agreed. ​ That was a few days ago and we've been texting intermittently since but no mention of a 2nd date yet from him. I also haven't mentioned anything about a 2nd date so I'm just as guilty. I don't want to be perceived as clingy as I have already hinted a couple of times at a date but no luck. ​ I was going to give it a couple more days and then if he doesn't ask then I'll just assume he wasn't interested. I guess at that point I could just directly ask him? I wish I could just directly ask him but if everyone else is playing the game I don't want to be perceived as clingy or dependent by aski...

We’ve been dating nearly 5 months. To start with we both said we didn’t want a relationship (we meet organically through our work) but we just connected so well that we after hanging out for a few months we realised we were falling in love. We’ve both been married before and don’t want to head down that same path so despite admitting our love for each other we have no intention of merging our lives together any time soon (if ever!) We’ve decided not to meet each other’s parents because his mum thinks he’s moving on too soon after his marriage ended and my parents are super conservative and would disapprove of me dating until I’m officially divorced (have been separated 18 months) Anyway, I invited BF to my brothers birthday party this weekend because I see my siblings as my friends and I thought it would be nice to have a date for the party. It would be the first time he meets my siblings (except for a brief introduction to my brother when we ran into him one day on the street) I’m no...

I’ve [M/32] been dating a woman [F/30] since late February this year. We went on dates roughly once a week for the first month and after the third date we were sleeping together. Then suddenly from mid-April to mid-May (3 and a half weeks) I didn’t see her because she kept having excuses of being busy and unavailable. This really threw me as until then I thought things were heading somewhere. She worked a few jobs so had valid reasons but I knew if she really was interested she would have made the effort regardless. I backed off and gave her some space, we ended up meeting again for a date and slept together two weeks ago. This was confusing because I half expected to be told she wasn’t interested anymore. Another week past and we caught up again recently. I decided I wanted to get some clarity. I asked her what she was looking for and she told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship, she wanted something casual because she didn’t want to feel “an obligation to anyone right now”. I...

Have you ever had a crush you confessed to or an ex that broke up with you say 'not right now... let's be friends.' Did you two ever come back together later on? backstory... my ex that broke up with me left me hanging by saying we shouldn't be together 'right now' as well as a past crush i confessed to saying that 'i'm not interested right now'. I know this is a strategy to leave me hanging but has anyone had the experience of rekindling interest later down the line? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 04:19AM Have you ever had a crush you confessed to or an ex that broke up with you say 'not right now... let's be friends.'Did you two ever come back together later on?backstory...my ex that broke up with me left me hanging by saying we shouldn't be together 'right now' as well as a past crush i confessed to saying that 'i'm not interested right now'. I know this is a strategy to leave me hanging but has anyone had ...

A friend got into a long term relationship recently. Another friend got engaged recently. Yet another friend is about to propose and just bought a ring. And I’m sitting. Home. Alone. Drinking an entire bottle of wine to myself. Swiping on bumble, getting basically what could be screenshot directly to r/trashy . I have tried putting myself out there multiple times. I’ve accepted dates from guys at the gym, friends of friends, bumble, work. I keep getting manipulated, lied to, treated like dirt, treated like a slut/whore/what have you. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. This. Four people at work are getting married this year. I’m surrounded by marriage talk. “You’ll find someone.” ... “don’t worry your time will come.” ....say the people who are in relationships. Who are moving in with spouses. One SO bought her a new car. Another guy is working 60 hours a week to pay for the wedding so “she doesn’t have to.” What am I doing wrong? Do I settle? Do I deal with manipulation and gaslighting, bei...

I matched with the cutest, nicest guy on Tinder but then I realized I must’ve matched with him while I was visiting my aunt! He lives about 150 miles (2 hours 45 minutes) away. I do visit the area he’s from pretty often, but even from my aunt’s house he’s about 20 minutes, and it’s not like I’m there every weekend or anything. But I do have somewhere to stay if I want to go up and don’t want to go there and back in one day, for example. Also, I would probably like to eventually move to that area, but I’m not prepared to for at least a year or two. Anyway, my question is, is it worth even continuing talking to him, given how far away he is, or is it too crazy? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 05:18AM I matched with the cutest, nicest guy on Tinder but then I realized I must’ve matched with him while I was visiting my aunt! He lives about 150 miles (2 hours 45 minutes) away. I do visit the area he’s from pretty often, but even from my aunt’s house he’s about 20 minutes, and it’s not like...

What do you say when a woman you’re interested in says, “I have a boyfriend”? Well, here are a few ways a guy like you can react. Pursue Her Anyway I’ve seen some guys do this, maybe because they think it’s “alpha,” or maybe because they think the girl is lying to them. As in, “There’s no way she’s dating someone else who’s not me, so I’m gonna go for it anyway.” Bad move, my friend. Stunts like these don’t come off as confident. They’re arrogant and abrasive. Walk Away This is where I’d say 99% of guys fall into. She says she has a boyfriend, so you just walk away with your head hung low in defeat. You tried, and you failed — that’s your mentality. But again, this isn’t the mindset to have. Just because a woman says she’s got a boyfriend, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story. There’s no reason to walk away yet… Do What I Say In the Video Below Watch the video below to find out what you should  actually do. I can almost guarantee you’ve never thought...

Physically. I can’t get the kind of stimulation with a dildo. I use a vibrator first, because I can’t have a clitoral orgasm from my partner. But I can’t get the feeling of a penis with a dildo. I have cysts all through my wrist, and my dominant hand is incredibly weak. I still find sex gross during the act tbh. May 25, 2019 at 05:59AM

You mean physically? Like you can't get masturbation to work properly? Or is this like on an emotional level? May 25, 2019 at 05:52AM

I am. Almost all of the time. It’s slimy and sweaty and... ick 🤢 Once every few months though, I want the sensation sex gives. Like, the sensation of an actual penis, not a dildo. May 25, 2019 at 05:50AM

Thank you!! I’ve always wondered how other people felt about this. May 25, 2019 at 05:49AM

It’s because masturbation can’t give me the feeling that sex does. May 25, 2019 at 05:48AM

Diablo or nothing, I like to cry just a little when I eat because enjoying something might actually make me happy for a few seconds... May 25, 2019 at 05:44AM

GDI now I want a burrito. May 25, 2019 at 05:30AM

Looks badass!! Also that is some dope camera quality lol May 25, 2019 at 05:24AM

I think fauns are cool. Mr. Tumnas is in the closet if you know what I mean. May 25, 2019 at 05:21AM

No? There’s never been any indication that that would happen or reasonable mechanism proposed by which it might. Also there’s three of us. May 25, 2019 at 05:18AM

Orientation is not behaviour. May 25, 2019 at 05:13AM

Honestly I was just too naive to think I was broken. Sexuality was just this kinda unexplained mystery that I didn’t think about much. May 25, 2019 at 05:12AM

You missed: “asexuals aren’t oppressed and letting them into the community would be stealing resources from people who actually deserve it” May 25, 2019 at 05:10AM

Seems like it! Having sex in the past and heck having it possibly even again in the future wouldn’t preclude you from being ace as it sounds pretty solid you lack the sexual attraction to others May 25, 2019 at 05:06AM

I couldn't wish for a better end. May 25, 2019 at 05:02AM

I went along with it as a baby ace because there was absolutely no chance I could be pressured into actually DOING anything with them. I feel like a lot of people, esp young people, of various ages do it as a safe way to explore sexuality. What they do and don't like, that sort of thing, without Expectations. It does still get a little...eeeh for me. RPF still squicks me. But I get why people do it. May 25, 2019 at 05:01AM

People often confuse libido and sexuality May 25, 2019 at 04:58AM

I was here before the bullshit. I will be here after the bullshit. My two cents: when I was a baby ace, 7-ish years ago, I felt hurt and isolated when LGBTQ things didn't include aces. I knew I was not straight. I did not experience the attraction to the other binary gender that people of my assigned sex are expected to, and that was inherently queer. The recent gatekeeping would have crushed me, and the community as a whole would have lost a vocal activist and defender. I later turned out to be nonbinary trans, and homoromantic-ish (diamoric/enby lesbian). Accepting my asexuality helped me bridge into accepting other aspects of my LGBTQ identity (and adjacent things, like being polyamorous), but I was queer before I came to terms with anything else. Some ace/aro people don't identify much with the LGBTQ community, and that's up to them. Some other queer folx don't either. As well as the anti-aspec nonsense, we have a gaycism problem, we have a transphobia problem, ...

Can i burrito in bed with a burrito? May 25, 2019 at 04:55AM

It me May 25, 2019 at 04:54AM

arent the contacts perfect colors for it bwahaha May 25, 2019 at 04:49AM

/10. it's new and different and i don't like it! May 25, 2019 at 04:39AM

As stated in the title, I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me, or something to that effect. Basically, I'm nearly 31 years old, but I have less relationship experience than the vast majority of teenagers. My usual pattern is to really go all in on OLD for a few months with thousands of swipes and/or hundreds of messages, then I get discouraged by the lack of any results to speak of (I basically never match or get to have an actual two way conversation with anyone) and quit for a while only to begin the sisyphean process over again after I have some time to forget how dehumanizing it was. I average well under 1 date per year and I've never actually achieved "in a relationship" status. The last time I tried OLD was about a year ago and I had my profile critiqued and edited multiple times at that point, so I don't think that's my problem. I have a robust social circle, a career (archaeologist), plenty of hobbie...

So, I guess I’m confused - just like a lot of people. Here’s the situation: M (37) and I had been texting for a few days before we went on our first day. It went great. He tells me he’ll call me the next day. We do and I’m nervous to talk to him because I like him. He calls and we’re both stuttering messes because of the same reason and apologise. He tells me he was nervous to call me because he likes me. We talk for two hours and hang up to go to bed. Next thing I know, we’re texting them back on the phone. We spoke until 1:30am for another two hours like high school kids. We spoke about how we liked each other and how we had silly thoughts about each other. We talk about what we want in the future and how we don’t want games. We went on another great date. Everything is so easy. He tells me everything is easy in this. He says it’s too easy. The next day comes and all is great. He calls me again. Everything is continuing like before. He says he can see himself meeting my family an...

I don't know why things happen the way they do. I'm 33 now and I've never had any luck in relationships. The last few years, I'd put myself out there for a while and end up disappointed and demoralized. ​ I ended up quitting my job last year and went back to school to improve my future. I decided not to bother looking for a girlfriend because not many girls I talked to before in their 30s would have the patience to wait until I'm done school. I removed all my dating apps, except one. ​ I completely forgot about it and suddenly 4 days ago I see a notification on Facebook that someone said they liked me. Being the end of the semester, I thought I'd humor myself and see who she was. My first thought was she's very pretty, so I messaged her and started chatting with her. ​ Turns out she just started looking to date again and I was the first guy she started talking to. She just ended a 7 year relationship with a guy, who she's been doing long distance ...

I have only had a bf in my life, it ended 5 years ago, and we were together for 8. I am 34f now. Not sure how to really start dating again. I tried some apps but I kinda feel strange talking to strangers whom might be weirdos for all I know. So I didn't meet anyone from the apps. Anyone care to share how they meet their SO after a very long relationship? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 08:26AM I have only had a bf in my life, it ended 5 years ago, and we were together for 8. I am 34f now. Not sure how to really start dating again. I tried some apps but I kinda feel strange talking to strangers whom might be weirdos for all I know. So I didn't meet anyone from the apps. Anyone care to share how they meet their SO after a very long relationship?

Here are my pictures: (deleted) What do you guys think? edit: I deleted the link to the pictures. thanks for the responses. it helps a lot! thank you very much! Submitted May 24, 2019 at 09:13AM Here are my pictures: (deleted)What do you guys think?edit: I deleted the link to the pictures. thanks for the responses. it helps a lot! thank you very much!

I'm just trying to understand this, I guess. My happily married friends say things to me like: "Why don't you just go out with a man like my husband: [enter description of someone who just naturally empathises with you and can meet your emotional needs because it's part of their personality.] And I think - yeah, that would be great, but I never seem to actually meet these people. I mean, even as friends - with the exception of my friends' husbands - I find myself flummoxed by male friends who come to me to ask about their troubled relationships because I think .... why don't you just use empathy? All of this is so easily solved if you just empathise with your partner. The usual reasons you're giving for "repeatedly dating emotionally available men" are as follows, but none of them seem to apply to me: You reject emotionally available people - while it's true I reject a lot of advances, I wouldn't say the people I'm rejecting are ...

What do you have planned for the weekend? Dates? Quiet time? Time with friends & family? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 11:12AM What do you have planned for the weekend?Dates? Quiet time? Time with friends & family?

I'd like some opinions on my pictures and my profile itself. In-person I feel I do well, but just don't generate the interest I hope for online. My pictures are not good. I'm curious if any of them can be salvaged, and what sort of pictures I might add instead. These are in no particular order. Pic 1 Pic 2 Pic 3 Pic 4 Pic 5 Pic 6 Pic 7 On the profile side I want to know how it comes across to others, and any changes they would suggest. 6'0", Austin native, INTJ I'm a persistent optimist who is very chill on the outside and intensely passionate on the inside. I believe in continuous effort for improvement, music makes everything better, spontaneous planning, and showing over saying. Let's talk, have coffee or a drink, and go from there with good food, dancing (Latin or country), and activities like pool, bowling, shows, etc. I keep in shape by not eating terrible, lifting, and swimming. Reading and gaming in my spare time. Submitted May ...

Hey Everyone, This is a throwaway since I work in a small industry and my main profile is identifiable to the players involved. I'm just looking for some advice from the brain trust on here. I just got divorced two months ago after a 7 month separation, so 9 months apart. Our relationship was basically since High School, ~17 years, married for 7. We split amicably and still talk occasionally. The split on my end was mostly due to wife's multiple infidelities. I haven't dated in my 30's at all and am not on any OLD sites. I’ve been seeing a counselor throughout the whole process who has been very helpful . About three months into the separation I met a coworker and really hit it off with her (at least it seemed like that). We work together, but not directly (the industry is small but you rarely work closely with other people). We started texting almost every day with each other, mostly about work stuff, but gradually more personal. She's divorced as well and was m...

I (35F) am very burnt out from the dating app game. My friend suggested this sub and he's letting me use his account to ask this question, mostly in regards to my dating profile. I have been dating for over a year since ending a 12 year relationship/marriage. My profile has gone through many changes... but i still dont feel it's accurate enough. I just want to be accurate. Not only about myself but about my needs too. I need time, attention, trust, emotional intelligence and avaliblity. I want a guy who cares about me. Who will make time for me. Be there when i am broken. You think those three things are not compatible with poly? (My friend says I should mention this?) MY PROFILE: Vegas Local. Seeking Relationship... Not looking for fwbs, or hook ups. But I am a unicorn. 🦄 Cooking is a passion of mine. I used food and yoga to lose 120 pounds. Love pool, mtg, Downtown, drinks after midnight and people watching. I smoke weed everyday. I know my love language. Bonus poi...

i developed a crush, he flirted and i flirted back. a couple of months later he found a girlfriend, then when he saw me complimented my hair. i was thoroughly confused and angry by the comment because of past flirtations. Is he trying to give me a confidence boost or 'keep his bid in'? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 08:12PM i developed a crush, he flirted and i flirted back. a couple of months later he found a girlfriend, then when he saw me complimented my hair. i was thoroughly confused and angry by the comment because of past flirtations. Is he trying to give me a confidence boost or 'keep his bid in'?

Why is this so effing popular? I mean, it's always been a popular genre. But it's become the new "I love to laugh." So many profiles list it. Are we in a true crime boom? Is this due to podcasts? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 08:51PM Why is this so effing popular? I mean, it's always been a popular genre. But it's become the new "I love to laugh." So many profiles list it.Are we in a true crime boom? Is this due to podcasts?

I wanted some different perspectives on a situation I'm in. Context: I recently met a woman who is really great, and I feel we have a solid emotional and physical connection. I like to express my appreciation for her, and she's a "words of affirmation" type of person. One of the many things I like about her is her body. The wrinkle is that recently she got a tummy tuck to handle some excess loose skin that remained after substantial weight loss. I never knew her before the tummy tuck. My question is, how should I approach complimenting her body in this situation? Should I do it at all? What things should I watch out for? I worry that, when I do offer a physical compliment, it will make her feel like I only like her for who she is now, without respecting who she was before or caring about how she got to be who she is today. Or am I just overthinking things? Submitted May 24, 2019 at 10:50PM I wanted some different perspectives on a situation I'm in.Contex...