I [24M]got kicked out of a band I was in with my girlfriend [24F]

tl;dr how do I deal with being the outsider?

I made a giant post and my pc froze before I could post so I'm going to summarise...

So I was in a band with my girlfriend and 5 other people. I went through a really difficult two years probably a year after we played our first show. My best friend (the only one who knew really anything about me) died, I found out my mother had been protecting her now convicted pedophile brother while calling my dad crazy for calling it out and having him sent to a mental hospital years ago (they are separated now, long and toxic split and together over 8 years, dad is CSA survivor from catholic nuns, breakup happened in small catholic town, mum is related to bishop) I lost my job on my birthday and I began questioning my gender. I found it hard to care about much. This one guy in the band who I thought maybe liked my girlfriend kicked me out. My girlfriend is best friends with the other female vocalist in the band, they're both the front women and awesome, they make their own costumes. They're doing really well for themselves but I can't help but be so angry at the guy for booting me, it didn't really seem like it was a decision made by the band. Playing on stage with her in front of my best friend and dad was probably the happiest time of my life. It's hard being proud of my gf but also feeling really othered by the people around her. I want to support her but every time I watch a show I feel physically sick and have to leave to get some air. It's made it hard to be around a lot of her friends.

It's been a few years but I don't know how I can patch things up without completely negating my needs. I would really like to rejoin the band and am willing to patch things over with the guy if that were to happen and I think that's possible even though it's a long shot.

It's hard to tell if this shorter post encapsulates a lot of the emotions and nuance of everything and honestly I'm a bit devastated I lost the draft because it was the most I had ever written or really talked about everything...

My girlfriend is the most important thing in my life, we've been together five years. She's been through a lot with me. I can't talk to either of my parents or any of my family any more either... I feel like she's being torn away from me.

Submitted May 25, 2019 at 06:26AM

tl;dr how do I deal with being the outsider?I made a giant post and my pc froze before I could post so I'm going to summarise...So I was in a band with my girlfriend and 5 other people. I went through a really difficult two years probably a year after we played our first show. My best friend (the only one who knew really anything about me) died, I found out my mother had been protecting her now convicted pedophile brother while calling my dad crazy for calling it out and having him sent to a mental hospital years ago (they are separated now, long and toxic split and together over 8 years, dad is CSA survivor from catholic nuns, breakup happened in small catholic town, mum is related to bishop) I lost my job on my birthday and I began questioning my gender. I found it hard to care about much. This one guy in the band who I thought maybe liked my girlfriend kicked me out. My girlfriend is best friends with the other female vocalist in the band, they're both the front women and awesome, they make their own costumes. They're doing really well for themselves but I can't help but be so angry at the guy for booting me, it didn't really seem like it was a decision made by the band. Playing on stage with her in front of my best friend and dad was probably the happiest time of my life. It's hard being proud of my gf but also feeling really othered by the people around her. I want to support her but every time I watch a show I feel physically sick and have to leave to get some air. It's made it hard to be around a lot of her friends.It's been a few years but I don't know how I can patch things up without completely negating my needs. I would really like to rejoin the band and am willing to patch things over with the guy if that were to happen and I think that's possible even though it's a long shot.It's hard to tell if this shorter post encapsulates a lot of the emotions and nuance of everything and honestly I'm a bit devastated I lost the draft because it was the most I had ever written or really talked about everything...My girlfriend is the most important thing in my life, we've been together five years. She's been through a lot with me. I can't talk to either of my parents or any of my family any more either... I feel like she's being torn away from me.