Girlfriend (17F) has some 'trust' issues with me (18M)

Hi all,

I've been dating this girl with a beautiful personality for about two months now. I enjoy her company and most things about her are pretty good. However, I've noticed a few - what I think to be - red flags.

For instance, I'll be driving around with her and I'll ask her, 'Oh hey, what do you want to do?' and she'll reply with 'I don't care.' Now, she does this every time we hang out. I'm always the one making decisions and for me, that's a little bit exhausting. Then, one time she mentioned 'Whenever we hang out alone, we don't actually do anything.' It's like whaaaaaat?

Another thing that I find concerning is that most things she does with me is an attempt to please me. She has problems with being open and trusting me in general too. The basic run down is that I went cold on other girlfriends and basically left them. She has the fear that I'll do the same to her and as a result, probably thinks that any little thing that could upset me will end up with me leaving her. I mean, I can understand her concerns but like woah... I want her to tell me how she really feels, not how "I want her to feel..." Literally sometimes when I hang out with her, we'll go into this stage where I'll be asking her what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong and she wont give me an answer and will just sit in silence.

She also thinks that overthinking is a great way to operate and when I said to her that I thought that it wasn't healthy she was like, "How would you like it when every time you tried to explain how and why you did something that person stopped you and told you it wasn't healthy not because it doesn't work but because it doesn't work for them," and basically got real passive aggressive. And then when I got fed up with her I said, 'Look, I don't want to argue anymore, this is pretty pointless. Fin." She was like, "Don't go... please don't go..." and basically thought that I was going to break up with her because of the 'argument' we had. Which basically explains why I think overthinking is a bad thing to do.

Then it's just simple things like, I'll ask "oh do you want to hang out after I finish work for an hour or something?" and she's like, "I don't know," or there's a party coming up and I ask her, "Hey, do you want me to come out to that party with you?" and she says, "Why? Why are you asking?"

I mean, how do I deal with someone that when asked what they want to do says, "I don't know," or "I don't care," always tries to please me regardless of how she feels internally, has problems being open, basically doesn't trust me to stay in the relationship with her and has fucking annoying and shitty friends?

My guess is that a majority of this is teen angst and she'll probably get over herself but for now, how can I deal with this type of behaviour?

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tl;dr:

In a relationship and want some advice on how to deal with someone that when asked what they want to do says, "I don't know," or "I don't care," always tries to please me regardless of how she feels internally, has problems being open, basically doesn't trust me to stay in the relationship with her and has fucking annoying and shitty friends?

Submitted May 25, 2019 at 06:27AM

Hi all,I've been dating this girl with a beautiful personality for about two months now. I enjoy her company and most things about her are pretty good. However, I've noticed a few - what I think to be - red flags.For instance, I'll be driving around with her and I'll ask her, 'Oh hey, what do you want to do?' and she'll reply with 'I don't care.' Now, she does this every time we hang out. I'm always the one making decisions and for me, that's a little bit exhausting. Then, one time she mentioned 'Whenever we hang out alone, we don't actually do anything.' It's like whaaaaaat?Another thing that I find concerning is that most things she does with me is an attempt to please me. She has problems with being open and trusting me in general too. The basic run down is that I went cold on other girlfriends and basically left them. She has the fear that I'll do the same to her and as a result, probably thinks that any little thing that could upset me will end up with me leaving her. I mean, I can understand her concerns but like woah... I want her to tell me how she really feels, not how "I want her to feel..." Literally sometimes when I hang out with her, we'll go into this stage where I'll be asking her what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong and she wont give me an answer and will just sit in silence.She also thinks that overthinking is a great way to operate and when I said to her that I thought that it wasn't healthy she was like, "How would you like it when every time you tried to explain how and why you did something that person stopped you and told you it wasn't healthy not because it doesn't work but because it doesn't work for them," and basically got real passive aggressive. And then when I got fed up with her I said, 'Look, I don't want to argue anymore, this is pretty pointless. Fin." She was like, "Don't go... please don't go..." and basically thought that I was going to break up with her because of the 'argument' we had. Which basically explains why I think overthinking is a bad thing to do.Then it's just simple things like, I'll ask "oh do you want to hang out after I finish work for an hour or something?" and she's like, "I don't know," or there's a party coming up and I ask her, "Hey, do you want me to come out to that party with you?" and she says, "Why? Why are you asking?"I mean, how do I deal with someone that when asked what they want to do says, "I don't know," or "I don't care," always tries to please me regardless of how she feels internally, has problems being open, basically doesn't trust me to stay in the relationship with her and has fucking annoying and shitty friends?My guess is that a majority of this is teen angst and she'll probably get over herself but for now, how can I deal with this type of behaviour?​tl;dr:In a relationship and want some advice on how to deal with someone that when asked what they want to do says, "I don't know," or "I don't care," always tries to please me regardless of how she feels internally, has problems being open, basically doesn't trust me to stay in the relationship with her and has fucking annoying and shitty friends?