My [56F] husband [61M] is very close with his younger female coworkers. Am I right to be bothered?

In the last few years my husband of 35 years has developed some very close friendships with a few of his female coworkers, all of whom are in their mid 30’s. I’m happy he’s got friends at work, but certain aspects of these friendships make me uncomfortable. 

For one thing, he’s far closer with these women than he is with any other coworkers his own age, male or female. He spends quite a bit of time with them, including hitting the gym several times a week and frequent lunch outings. He also talks about them significantly more than his other friends.

Additionally, he’s verbally very affectionate with them, even more so than he is with me. I couldn’t help but look at his text conversations and saw that he frequently calls them beautiful. Obviously this upset me a bit. When I confronted him about it he volunteered that he also complements their outfits, hair, and makeup. He says he does this to “make them feel good” and to “help their self esteem.”

What bothers me the most, however, is how many personal, intimate details about our marriage he shares with them (we've been arguing and having problems lately). He’s told me me “needs to tell them” because they give him “much needed support”. I can understand going to your friends for support and advice, but because of the affectionate nature of their relationship and the fact that they’re 30 years his junior, this sharing crosses a line for me. 

All of this is really bothering me. I can’t seem to make him understand this. He says they’re just friends and that it shouldn’t bother me, that their ages don’t matter, and that they’re “just people.” 

Am I being unreasonable about this? Are these friendships normal for an office environment?

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TLDR: My husband has very close and intimate friendships with significantly younger (~25 years) female coworkers. Am I right to be bothered by this?

Submitted May 25, 2019 at 05:25AM

In the last few years my husband of 35 years has developed some very close friendships with a few of his female coworkers, all of whom are in their mid 30’s. I’m happy he’s got friends at work, but certain aspects of these friendships make me uncomfortable. For one thing, he’s far closer with these women than he is with any other coworkers his own age, male or female. He spends quite a bit of time with them, including hitting the gym several times a week and frequent lunch outings. He also talks about them significantly more than his other friends.Additionally, he’s verbally very affectionate with them, even more so than he is with me. I couldn’t help but look at his text conversations and saw that he frequently calls them beautiful. Obviously this upset me a bit. When I confronted him about it he volunteered that he also complements their outfits, hair, and makeup. He says he does this to “make them feel good” and to “help their self esteem.”What bothers me the most, however, is how many personal, intimate details about our marriage he shares with them (we've been arguing and having problems lately). He’s told me me “needs to tell them” because they give him “much needed support”. I can understand going to your friends for support and advice, but because of the affectionate nature of their relationship and the fact that they’re 30 years his junior, this sharing crosses a line for me. All of this is really bothering me. I can’t seem to make him understand this. He says they’re just friends and that it shouldn’t bother me, that their ages don’t matter, and that they’re “just people.” Am I being unreasonable about this? Are these friendships normal for an office environment?​TLDR: My husband has very close and intimate friendships with significantly younger (~25 years) female coworkers. Am I right to be bothered by this?