So, I'm not sure how to express this but I'm going to try. If you are content and healthy being "broken", it doesn't matter what "normal" is. If you are traumatized, you should absolutely get help to deal with it, but if you are emotionally and mentally happy, then just be you. There is nothing wrong with not wanting sex with other people. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to con you, for their benefit (either explicitly or subconsciously). Don't fall for that lie. I personally feel a need to be intimate and have sex with my husband, for reasons well stated by others in this thread. But it baffles me that we as human beings have such a lack of live and let live. If you're not hurting anyone, please know that you are just fine the way you are. I wish you all the best. July 30, 2020 at 12:04AM

hey, no problem! At least I’m not alone with this, and at least you’re not alone with this! July 30, 2020 at 12:03AM

I agree with you! Desiring sex is completely fine for obvious reasons. I wish I could edit the title to clarify that I posted this in means to highlight where the op mentioned faithlessness, and as a comment suggested, even rape. It's an odd thing to say to justify bad actions over your "needs" because sex shouldn't be a big enough need to hurt somebody. But there's obviously, absolutely no shame in loving sex or just being indifferent or being disgusted altogether. Not to mention it's not like they need my opinion for validation since I'm literally ace, it's just my opinion on the asshole-y way the phrase is used July 30, 2020 at 12:01AM

yeah that's 100 percent valid, people who prefer to have sex because it strengthens their relationship is obviously fine, I posted this more for that rapey vibe of "i have needs". That's such a gross thing to say, and if it's a healthy relationship, it should be something like "I have desires" You have strong desires for sex, you're very lustful, but nobody desperately needs sex the way they need air or water. They need it to be happy which I guess when it comes to us we need garlic bread to be happy July 29, 2020 at 11:58PM

waIT I FORGOT THE FLAIR ​ ​ edit: okay I added the flair July 29, 2020 at 11:51PM

This needs to stop getting posted everywhere. Supporting violence against any group is horrible. They do horrible things, don’t get me wrong. I hope justice is properly served and they are removed from any capacity where they can harm someone else. But wishing violence upon anyone isn’t the way to go. Pedophiles are mentally ill and need to seek therapy before they commit any crimes, and posts like this don't make it any easier for someone to admit they need help. July 29, 2020 at 11:49PM

Not talking to anyone is counted as a method of torture and is used as punishment in prisons and during wars or in places like Guantanamo bay, etc. It can cause permanent psychological damage. July 29, 2020 at 11:49PM

Can someone tell me what’s going on? I keep seeing this all over reddit July 29, 2020 at 11:48PM

not to mention that's not at all what the post is even about. It's about people calling sex a need. I understand the comments that it's a need for someone to be happy and I respect that but it's not a need in a way people should justify rape or cheating. Sex is not that strong of a need and if you think its strong enough to be unfaithful or hurt a person then you're actually disgusting July 29, 2020 at 11:48PM

Allos domt understand what its like not to want sex just like how in most cases we cant fathom wanting it. Asexual is a starting point, you coukd try expanding on it. What its like to be asexual for you. In the long run its not really their business any way, wether or not you are intimate with your partner or if you want a partner at all. July 29, 2020 at 11:47PM

I genuinely want to be a lawyer July 29, 2020 at 11:46PM

Why the heck are you on an asexual subreddit then lol and also, I didn't even make that post, but I related to it because of what they said about cheating and what a comment said about how people justifying rape. July 29, 2020 at 11:46PM

good catch :) very true July 29, 2020 at 11:45PM

you're an asexual, you don't get to have an opinion. if that upsets you try it like this, listen: 'it's fine to be gay, god loves you. just don't act on your urges. i don't want to have sex with men, why can't you stop doing it?' keep your mouth shut when you comes to matters you can't possibly understand July 29, 2020 at 11:43PM

*any gender July 29, 2020 at 11:42PM

Youve already told them that your asexual, so that part is done. Allo people really cant understand not wanting sex, its in the media, 'its part of life' they cant fathom it. Just like how some aces cant fathom how allos want it. But, Its not really their choice or buisness if you are sexual with your partner. The 'that's not what it means' could be the whole 'asexual reproduction' thing they learnt in primary school and its stuck with them, asexual means non-sexual, queer folx use that word as a starting point, you coukd try adding on to it, describe what it feels like for you to be asexual. For me, I grew up having it shoved down my throat but when I finally came across the option I wasn't interested and thats when i went down my path to figuring out my asexual identity. I cant fathom being in a sexual relationship with anyone and if i end up seeking a partner a must is for them to accept that, by either feeling similar, as in aspec or doesnt believ...

I totally get that fear of people not believing you because of your past, and kinda feeling like a walking contradiction; it's a really tough thing to go through. I was in the same boat for the longest time. Getting involved in online ace communities really helped me, because odds are you'll find someone who truly understands. That goes a long way in helping to comfort you until you feel ready to come out to someone in your existing circle. And once you are ready to tell someone you're close to, you can tell them the same thing you posted here: how you truly felt when you were in a relationship. A good friend would listen, and realize there is no contradiction after all. Best of luck to you. :) July 29, 2020 at 11:38PM

Not gonna die from not having sex and not gonna die from not talking to somebody. Not saying you're saying this. I'm just pointing out that it is absolutely not a need. Even if someone is sad and lonely or miserable without sex, they aren't gonna die without it. They'll just be unhappy. July 29, 2020 at 11:37PM

well for some people it's not even fight or flight, for some people you just stand there with a shield instead of fighting or flying, because some aces are indifferent toward sex but do it for external reasons such as pleasure or satisfying someone else July 29, 2020 at 11:31PM

I used to lump romantic attraction together with sexual attraction. Sometimes I find androgynous looking people aesthetically pleasing but i dont think about having sex with that person. But I do think what it would be like to hold hands and laugh with the person. So I'm not too sure actually, I thought I was grey, but I could possibly be a plain ace July 29, 2020 at 11:31PM

I wish I could help but you are Pretty much in the same boat as me July 29, 2020 at 11:30PM

I (F40) have been married to my husband (M48) for 15 years. Together for 17 years. We met when I was 22 and he was 30. I was a college drop out, failed model, who had just completed a stint in rehab. I was chaotic and rudderless but charming and pretty and “a good listener”. I grew up in an evangelical home and but I left the church at 18 successfully sowed my wild oats. On the other hand, my husband had a law degree from a top 10 law school and was stable and responsible and a self described “moral conservative”. He had several long term relationships and he certainly was not a virgin, but planted less wild oats than I did, I guess. My family loved him, and said not to mess it up because usually I had a broken picker. I knew from early on that he and I weren’t a great chemistry match but he felt safe. I was comfortable with him and I loved his intellectualism and maturity. He is rigid and logical, my polar opposite, as I am all emotion and impulse. After a few months of dating, he s...

I'm not sure where to start... I'm so overwhelmed by a lot of things lately, but today was kind of a tipping point. I'm sorry this ended up so long, but I'm really at a loss of what to do. My husband messaged me from work telling me he had to get a covid test because we recently returned from a trip where we flew in commercial planes. (But apparently it's just for paperwork because they're allowing him to keep going to work the whole time, and by the time he gets the results it will have been almost two weeks anyway.) So he asks me to call the local pharmacy and set up an appointment for him. I called, and was told to go online. So I figured since he has time to message me back and forth about it, he could do that. But he asked me to do that too. Then there were no times, so he wanted me to call the urgent care to see if they had tests left. He ended up having to go to one 30 minutes away, and he had my dad drive him after work. I'm pissed for several rea...