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Showing posts from October 14, 2019

How to ask for more time and communication

Dating 6 months. My guy is amazing but when we’re not together I often feel like I’m not a priority. This is because he’s an extremely sparse texter and doesn’t seem to be a planner (I always have to set up the next date). I have plenty of reason to believe it has nothing to do with me; I think we just have different ideas of these things and/or maybe he’s just ADD or something (like I’m out of sight out of mind). But it’s driving me nuts. How do I talk to him about this? Submitted October 15, 2019 at 12:16AM Dating 6 months.My guy is amazing but when we’re not together I often feel like I’m not a priority. This is because he’s an extremely sparse texter and doesn’t seem to be a planner (I always have to set up the next date).I have plenty of reason to believe it has nothing to do with me; I think we just have different ideas of these things and/or maybe he’s just ADD or something (like I’m out of sight out of mind). But it’s driving me nuts.How do I talk to him about this?

My (m/26) girlfriend (f/22) of 10 months thinks that she’s dead weight because she’s less experienced with positive relationships. How should I respond?

TRIGGER WARNING: abuse My girlfriend of 10 months is a survivor of intense abuse of just about every type you can imagine. Our relationship is one of the first - if not the first - positive ones she’s ever had. She’s also extremely precocious, and takes it personally when she gets something wrong. The thing is, she’s new to someone treating her positively. We’ve both learned a lot from our relationship, but she (at least visibly) has learned a lot more than I do. She views herself as a dead weight for not “getting things right” the first time. We have a wonderful relationship, and I don’t think she’s lesser for this. Everyone starts somewhere. I can say all of this to her and comfort her in the moment and it helps sometimes, but sometimes I’m met with “Easy for you to say, you’re not constantly fucking up.” I’m trying to find something to say that reframes the conversation so that she can find a more positive way to view it, and she doesn’t feel so guilty. Does anyone have any idea...

I (22M) have just been broken up with over wanting to attending night outs with my friends

I'm currently in the last year of college and plan to go quite hardcore on my career after graduation, and my girlfriend (ex now) has broken up with me as I wanted to attend a few clubs with my friends before the year ends (after the year I cant imagine ill have the time nor the energy other than holding down a relationship) however she has now ended the relationship as she believes it is disrespectful (despite I allow her to go out on her own). I'd say i'm upset but i'm more shocked than anything else. Can anyone give me an answer whether i'm in the wrong or whether she is? tl;dr: Girlfriend doens't want me going out as she believes its disrespectful despite going out when I say its okay for her to do so. She has ended it with me, am I wrong to have stuck to my opinion? Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:09PM I'm currently in the last year of college and plan to go quite hardcore on my career after graduation, and my girlfriend (ex now) has broken u...

I [25F] need advice on how live with an ex [25M]

Hi all, I’m looking for advice on how to tolerate living with an ex. My BF [25M] and I [25F] are most likely calling it quits today due to multiple issues. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years now and we moved in together back in July. Hindsight is 20/20 and I now know we weren’t ready for it. Insta-regret.. So now the break up is here, and both of our names are on the lease (2 bedroom apartment). I would rather him to move out because I still love him and have feelings for him, which most likely isn’t reciprocated. He’s not financially stable enough to live on his own and I don’t want to put him out on his ass in all honesty. This is killing me.. I need advice on how I can get over this heartbreak and still live in the same apartment? Thanks you for your time! TL;DR - relationship of 1.5yrs in turmoil, forced to live with each other. Need advice how to live in the same apartment as an ex. Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:12PM Hi all, I’m looking for advice on how to tolerat...

My (F17) aunt (F60) that I live with is mad at me for my mental illness.

My (F17) aunt (F62) that I currently live with yelled at me for my mental illness. Hi! I currently am finishing my senior year in a new state, I moved across the country and my mother did not make the move, yet. In the meantime, I have been living with my aunt for about three months and it has been manageable for the most part. Of course, it’s not ‘my’ home, and I do not feel comfortable. My aunt and uncle try to make me feel at home, but it is very difficult and I feel I have no privacy. They are very opinionated, and feel free to say whatever comes to their minds. I am used to living in a larger home, with just my mother and I and we were both very independent and living with her was perfect. I worked, went to school, hung out with friends, I was barely home. Moving your senior year across the country to a new high school has definitely been one of the hardest things I’ve gone through. My mother still lives across the country, I haven’t seen her in three months and I miss her a...

Did I (35f) push him (38m) to cheat?

We had lived together for 3 years. Several bad things happened that caused me to push him away a little more each time. First of all, I discovered he had been texting flirtatiously with a co-worker. That stopped, but a little bit of my trust in him died. Then I found out he was texting another woman we both know. When I asked him about it, he at first tried to deny that he texts her at all. He then tried to blame me saying I am so jealous and paranoid after the co-worker incident that he just "didn't want to deal with it". ​ More trust died. Then he was texting some other woman (I know I sound like an idiot here now), and I told him I wanted to read their texts. He showed me his phone and he had deleted the texts. ( as a side note, I later found out that there was nothing inappropriate in their texts ). I was furious that he would be dumb enough to delete texts between himself and another woman, so I told him I was considering moving out. I did move out of our bedro...

I [25/F] was ghosted by my SIL [35/F] after she had twins, and now family dinners are awkward.

I need some advice on some family relationships. To preface I'm generally a very trusting person, but also a very closed person. I won't show my true self to people very easily, but I'm also very easy-going. That's what makes me think I didn't offend my SIL to get ghosted. Before my SIL became pregnant last year we weren't super close, but we did hangout occasionally. After she became pregnant with twins we started to become closer. I'd go over to help with things she needed, and hangout together while doing it. I thought we were becoming friends, and we'd text regularly. After her babies were born I was over multiple times a week, everything seemed fine, and we'd just chill and I'd help with baby stuff. As the months went on she healed, and she insisted she wanted time alone with the babies before she went back to work. We'd still see each other a few times a month, and text. As the months went on she suddenly didn't reply to my texts ...

I fear my(21F) relationship will turn toxic, and need to hear your similar stories

I(21F) am in a new relationship that at the start seemed like a good relationship with a good guy (20M) but the guy is starting to show a different side to him. Stuff he didn't show before is agression thats caused by being hypothetical jealous. Like if someone looks at you, flirt with you or try something I would beat them kind of stuff. He has mentioned stuff like I dont need to worry to ask my parents for permission about stuff because if there is something, they will talk with him and not me. He even got jelous about my king one time(I live in scandinavia and we have royal families here for those of you who dont know. My boyfriend didn't know since he never lived in scandinavia.) So jelaous that he got pissed that he went through my face and insta to find who this guy by that name is until a friend told him that I really was talking about a king and not some random guy that I thought was more king like than him. Off course he told me be was ready to beat someone up... O...

How do I (28 F) break up with someone (27 M) when I struggle with my own self worth?

I've had a bit of a struggle in the past with physical and emotionally abusive relationships. I tend to brush off the issues with my current relationship - because I have basically been lead to believe that they're better than anything else I have had, so I should be happy with it. My BF is very dismissive of me, selfish and gaslights me all the time (a term I have just realized even existed thanks to Reddit). After multiple posts on relationship advice, speaking with friends and my therapist - I am starting to come to the realization that I deserve better for myself. I can't keep crying every night. Every time I try to end the relationship, I just get convinced that I am making all these issues up in my head, that he loves me so much, and I am asking for too much. But I never see any changes. BUT. I am absolutely horrified. I'm scared to leave. Dealing with low self esteem and low self worth makes it very hard when it comes to ending the relationship. And I constantl...

Got in a gray area with my {29f} best coworker {29m} and his girlfriend {24f}

TL;DR! I have feelings for my coworker that he has started to play by inserting me into difficult situations between him and his girlfriend. I'm going to beers with him and a client this week. What do I do? ​ Hi redditors, I'm facing a situation I'd love your help with. I have a great coworker and friend, Luke, who I recently got closer to. He's a 29-year-old mix of Karamo from Queer Eye, President Obama singing behind the podium, and Harry Styles stepping out in a custom suit and tie. He's always in control of the situation and I admire the hell out of how he manages to be both hot and respectable at the same time. The problem: he has a girlfriend and I have feelings for him. We've been working together for three years and have always had a healthy relationship. But things between us heated up over the summer when he moved across the street from me, because we're both really passionate about what we do. He realized, after a while that I had feelings ...

My boyfriend[22M]s excuse to not go on dates is that “he has too many bills”. Should I wait for him or leave ?

I’ve been dating this guy for a year and 8 months. It’s been rocky on my end, he’s my first boyfriend so sometimes i find myself questioning if the things that happen between us are normal. He lives with his mum and brother, has barely any friends because when he was bullied during school, his mum kept him at home for many years. She did the same to his younger brother. He has many bills, some are “normal” like car insurance or wifi for his room. But others are tv payment for a BRAND NEW tv, payments for a BRAND NEW custom made PC monitor, an electricians course that he gave up on but still pays for, payments for his BRAND NEW iPhone etc I’m not a shallow person who only cares about money. I do love our nights just staying in and watching a film but if we go on dates, i pay for them. A cinema ticket is £4.99, so he can easily afford a cinema date. He says that once he has sorted his money problems, everything will be alright... I have been banking on that for a long while now but...

How do I (26 m) deal with my brother (20 m) making fun of my mental illness?

My brother brought some girls he met on a college tour to my house so we could party in my pool. At first things were going great, I ended up hooking up with this really hot blonde girl. As the night went on, she started dropping hints about wanting to be my girlfriend. I was interested but felt I should tell her about my mental disorder first so she knew what she was getting into. I actually suffer from psychopathic personality disorder. This means that I’m a stoic, classically manly, badass. I’m like a computer in how smart I am and how fast I can think and solve problems. I am highly rationale and always make the right decision. I use my above abilities to get a lot of women, but since I am incapable of falling in love, it’s basically a use them and leave them situation. I tell my story so that others know that mental illness is real and hopefully to help others. Anyway she became very cold toward me and left shortly after. My bro said I was an ahole for breaking up the party. T...

My(28f) long distance partner(38m) of 1year seemingly gets suspicious when I go out and don't offer a play by play of everyone or everything I did. At my wits end over the frequent arguments over this.

OK, for background, we're both from the same country but he works 5000 miles from our home country where I currently reside. As such, we have different lives. I have much more of a social life than he does and go out at least once a week, he goes out probably once in 3 months. Where I live, we're very social, therefore, you'd probably go out as a group of 3 but end up meeting 4 or 5 other people you are acquainted with during the night out and also moving around 2 or 3 spots. This is a common occurrence so to me it's not something worth mentioning every single time it happens. Our main means of communication is text messages. When I'm out I am unable to text as frequently as I do when I'm not. I will post on my socials once or twice during the night and this has also become a bone of contention as he feels that I value my 'social media friends' opinion over his, (he follows me on all my socials btw) and that my fun times are for them and I do not includ...

I (20M) drunkenly hooked up with best friend (20F) who is the ex of another best friend (20M)

Hey r/relationship friends! Recently I've found myself in a bit of a sticky situation, and I really just want some cold hard truth about what I should have done or what I should do now. Sorry about the long post in advance! TL;DR at the bottom. So a few days ago, I was at a classic college party with a few of my really good friends. We were drinking quite a bit, and everyone was having a pretty great evening, including one of my extremely close, recently single, lady friends who I will name Z. Now I initially know Z because for almost 2 years she dated (on and off) one of my other really close friends, who I'll call T. While I initially knew Z bc she was in a relationship with T, Z and I developed a pretty close friendship as we hung out a lot together outside of our normal friend get-togethers. So basically, both T and Z are amazingly close friends to me for very separate reasons. This past summer though, T broke up with Z in an extremely shitty way (basically he decided t...

I (M20) woke up and fell out of love with my girlfriend (F21)

TL;DR I feel like I'm lying to this wonderful woman because our ideals don't line up and our futures don't align. Using my throwaway because if anyone found out it could be a problem. Let me get one thing straight that I found on a lot of websites outlining signs of a bad relationship. Neither one of us is treating the other like crap, neither one of us is failing to perform our end of the deal. She can be clingy sometimes and I can be be demanding, but we've never fought about it or even really worried. On the surface, our relationship seems ideal. And I feel like an impostor. One day, I woke up and thought, "I'm not proud of us," and it has been plaguing me for a while. For the longest time, we didn't think much about the future, but now that college is ending for the both of us, real life is just around the corner, and I'm not sure we'll be able to work it out. We refuse to talk about the big issues, things we take stances on. I'm ...

I [26F] want to relocate but am concerned about my relationship with my BF [27M]

The area I live in is cold, has a high cost of living, and my job is exhausting. My lease will be ending soon and my BF has no interest in moving in together (which I mention because it would defray the cost issue). We have been together for a little more than 1 year and his ability to move is limited by his VISA situation. I feel long-distance would not work. I should also note that my immediate family is in the area I'd be relocating to. tl;dr: I would really like to relocate to a more affordable area, but I would be leaving my BF behind. Are my reasons for wanting to leave negligible? Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:46PM The area I live in is cold, has a high cost of living, and my job is exhausting. My lease will be ending soon and my BF has no interest in moving in together (which I mention because it would defray the cost issue). We have been together for a little more than 1 year and his ability to move is limited by his VISA situation. I feel long-distance would no...

18M who is really struggling with girls at university

So I've been at uni for a couple weeks now and was hoping to do something with a girl in freshers week, however, I didn't get a single bit of action. I'm a 5'8 skinny guy and I genuinely don't know if I'm good looking or not (I've been told I look like everyone from Tyler the Creator to Rami Malek to Zayn). I dress well and have good hygiene so it's not like I put girls off. I've also made some really good female friends at uni already, something I've never had before and I do think I'm a pretty funny guy who can make people laugh and am very sociable. During freshers week, I got drunk and went clubbing every night. On the first night, I told a girl who I preed with that I thought she was fit and tried to escalate but she didn't want anything. I met a cute girl on the 2nd night and danced with her in the club but when I asked if she wanted to sit with me/ get some air/ have some alone time she wasn't interested. I met another cute gi...

My [29M] girlfriend [27F] slept with a bunch of her friends before we became official and it’s driving me crazy.

So I initially met my current girlfriend a couple months after she ended a very, very long-term thing. Like, high school sweethearts, lost their virginity to each other sort of long term. We started out as hookup buddies, and about six months later ended up becoming exclusive. Before she met me, she went through a wild phase and slept with about four of her close friends. I think there was some overlap between the friends and when her and I started hooking up too, but I can't hold that against her as we weren't exclusive and I don't really want to know the details. I'm crazy about her. We click like mad and have so much fun together. She's the kind of person who makes hours feel like minutes. I've never been so happy. But the friends she slept with are close friends . Men and women, and they're around all the time . And I can't help but feel mad fucking crazy jealous whenever we spend time with them. Like, just knowing they've seen my girlfriend n...

My [21M] mom [41F] reconnected with me after cutting me off because I had a baby with my partner [39F], any advice?

My mom and I had a big argument about my girlfriend being much older than me. She and I had a fling when I was 18 and ended up getting together because we really liked each other. She and I got serious and my mom got so upset that she kicked me out of the house and then cut me pff for what was almost a year. I had a daughter (she’s now 9 months old) with my girlfriend and a few days ago my mom apologized to me and asked me to come by for dinner and that I was welcome to bring my girlfriend and daughter. I was kinda cautious because she had gotninto a verbal confrontation with girkfriend when they met, but this time she was very nice and she treated her very well. We had a good time and she even offered to let us stay in the guest room since it was real late and I was extremelly tired. Since then she’s been nicer and she started getting along with my partner. I do miss my mom and how close we used to be, but she was the one that cut me off. I do hope things keep getting better, but sh...

I (25f) recently found out my (25m) boyfriend is on Grindr periodically

Pretty much what the title says. We’ve been together a little over 2.5 years. He recently had some messages up on his computer from a woman that I confronted him about because I was concerned. He immediately went into panic mode crying and begging me not to leave him. He originally said it was a woman from a work trip and it was only sexting that meant nothing to him and he knew it would not lead to anything. After pulling information out of him for four days (and many changing stories) he finally admitted he likes to download Grindr to talk to transgender women while he jerks off and has done so several times while we’ve been together. He doesn’t think it’s cheating but he did say he wouldn’t do it again because he doesn’t want to hurt me. Basically he thinks it’s okay because it never leads to anything more and he doesn’t meet up with these women. I have no idea how to proceed. I don’t think I can trust him moving forward. I feel so betrayed and hurt, but I also feel like the bigg...

/u/viagra-overdose- on Am i too young to know if I’m ace

nah if u had sexual attraction u would’ve felt it by now October 15, 2019 at 12:01AM

/u/P8zvli on Just threw up on my girlfriends vagina

Sh*t man I dunno, I've never tried any kind of sex but imagining it doesn't make me sick so I think I'm somewhere between sex averse and sex indifferent. If you two can troop through that experience then I think it's safe to say your relationship is indestructible. I don't know what to tell you, your partner has needs and that's all well and good so long as you can manage them together. But you should never feel forced to the point that you throw up... According allosexuals sex is supposed to be fun, if you're not having fun that might be worth bringing up with your partner. If you really want to try working through your sex repulsion with her then (NSFW Obviously) /r/sex might have advice, I just have absolutely no idea how open they are to aces... Maybe have your GF ask for you? I normally wouldn't suggest even visiting that subreddit, and I've never had any reason to ask them for advice. I imagine they're the polar opposite of this subredd...

/u/Bakibenz on Coming out is hard

Same! Do you have the link by any chance? 🙃 October 14, 2019 at 11:56PM