My(28f) long distance partner(38m) of 1year seemingly gets suspicious when I go out and don't offer a play by play of everyone or everything I did. At my wits end over the frequent arguments over this.

OK, for background, we're both from the same country but he works 5000 miles from our home country where I currently reside. As such, we have different lives. I have much more of a social life than he does and go out at least once a week, he goes out probably once in 3 months. Where I live, we're very social, therefore, you'd probably go out as a group of 3 but end up meeting 4 or 5 other people you are acquainted with during the night out and also moving around 2 or 3 spots. This is a common occurrence so to me it's not something worth mentioning every single time it happens. Our main means of communication is text messages. When I'm out I am unable to text as frequently as I do when I'm not. I will post on my socials once or twice during the night and this has also become a bone of contention as he feels that I value my 'social media friends' opinion over his, (he follows me on all my socials btw) and that my fun times are for them and I do not include him.

The main issue though is that he feels I do not disclose enough about what I am upto when I am out. I have tried to in terms of saying I have gone to y and I am with z. But there will always be small details that to me are innocuous and not worth a mention that come up later and he will ask why I didn't tell him. For example, I had been planning to meet a friend of mine(X) who lives abroad who'd come to visit but our times were not aligning, I had told my partner about this. One night out (X) passed by where I was with my friends and literally said hi and bye, it was probably a 10 minute meet. Earlier tonight my partner asked me whether I ended up meeting X and I told him 'I did, however it was only for 10minutes' . Dear reader, he said I was making him out to be a clown with that response as 'Your answer was hollow' I showed him my conversation with X on the night we met (which was in August) as proof. He then said I disclose things post the fact and not in real time. To me not everything is a post houmous report especially over nights out. That conversation ended with him saying 'I feel what I feel and it may be right or wrong. But it is what I feel and I should not feel guilty for feeling it.'

We have had this conversation at least 6 or 7 times. When I think we've made headway, something crops up and here we go again. I have tried to be reassuring and even be more forthcoming, but I feel like it's not enough or perhaps I am getting it wrong. Please advise.

TL:DR My long distance boyfriend feels I do not disclose things about my social life e.g people I meet or where I go, intimating I have something to hide. I am tired of feeling like I have to be on the defensive all the time. Am I on the wrong? How should I handle this? Efforts to resolve this are always scrapped and we always go back to square one because this has become a frequent issue.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:41PM

OK, for background, we're both from the same country but he works 5000 miles from our home country where I currently reside. As such, we have different lives. I have much more of a social life than he does and go out at least once a week, he goes out probably once in 3 months. Where I live, we're very social, therefore, you'd probably go out as a group of 3 but end up meeting 4 or 5 other people you are acquainted with during the night out and also moving around 2 or 3 spots. This is a common occurrence so to me it's not something worth mentioning every single time it happens. Our main means of communication is text messages. When I'm out I am unable to text as frequently as I do when I'm not. I will post on my socials once or twice during the night and this has also become a bone of contention as he feels that I value my 'social media friends' opinion over his, (he follows me on all my socials btw) and that my fun times are for them and I do not include him.The main issue though is that he feels I do not disclose enough about what I am upto when I am out. I have tried to in terms of saying I have gone to y and I am with z. But there will always be small details that to me are innocuous and not worth a mention that come up later and he will ask why I didn't tell him. For example, I had been planning to meet a friend of mine(X) who lives abroad who'd come to visit but our times were not aligning, I had told my partner about this. One night out (X) passed by where I was with my friends and literally said hi and bye, it was probably a 10 minute meet. Earlier tonight my partner asked me whether I ended up meeting X and I told him 'I did, however it was only for 10minutes' . Dear reader, he said I was making him out to be a clown with that response as 'Your answer was hollow' I showed him my conversation with X on the night we met (which was in August) as proof. He then said I disclose things post the fact and not in real time. To me not everything is a post houmous report especially over nights out. That conversation ended with him saying 'I feel what I feel and it may be right or wrong. But it is what I feel and I should not feel guilty for feeling it.'We have had this conversation at least 6 or 7 times. When I think we've made headway, something crops up and here we go again. I have tried to be reassuring and even be more forthcoming, but I feel like it's not enough or perhaps I am getting it wrong. Please advise.TL:DR My long distance boyfriend feels I do not disclose things about my social life e.g people I meet or where I go, intimating I have something to hide. I am tired of feeling like I have to be on the defensive all the time. Am I on the wrong? How should I handle this? Efforts to resolve this are always scrapped and we always go back to square one because this has become a frequent issue.Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.