How do I (28 F) break up with someone (27 M) when I struggle with my own self worth?

I've had a bit of a struggle in the past with physical and emotionally abusive relationships. I tend to brush off the issues with my current relationship - because I have basically been lead to believe that they're better than anything else I have had, so I should be happy with it. My BF is very dismissive of me, selfish and gaslights me all the time (a term I have just realized even existed thanks to Reddit). After multiple posts on relationship advice, speaking with friends and my therapist - I am starting to come to the realization that I deserve better for myself. I can't keep crying every night. Every time I try to end the relationship, I just get convinced that I am making all these issues up in my head, that he loves me so much, and I am asking for too much. But I never see any changes.

BUT. I am absolutely horrified. I'm scared to leave. Dealing with low self esteem and low self worth makes it very hard when it comes to ending the relationship. And I constantly question myself if I am doing the wrong thing or over reacting. I'm also in treatment for an eating disorder so it makes my mental state a bit harder to cope with things.

I'm currently in an apprenticeship so I'm not in the best financial situation - I do okay for myself. I don't rely on my BF for any form of money, but starting over is going to be a struggle, new furniture, moving costs, a bond etc. I also moved to a different country quite a few years ago, so I don't have family around for support or very many friends I can turn to.

If there is any advice, or steps that I could put in place for myself to start ending this relationship? I feel like I need a game plan to follow through with it. I become very weak and impressionable in the heat of the moment.

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TL;DR : Struggling to find the strength to leave due to my insecurities and lacking self worth. How can I do this.



Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:28PM

I've had a bit of a struggle in the past with physical and emotionally abusive relationships. I tend to brush off the issues with my current relationship - because I have basically been lead to believe that they're better than anything else I have had, so I should be happy with it. My BF is very dismissive of me, selfish and gaslights me all the time (a term I have just realized even existed thanks to Reddit). After multiple posts on relationship advice, speaking with friends and my therapist - I am starting to come to the realization that I deserve better for myself. I can't keep crying every night. Every time I try to end the relationship, I just get convinced that I am making all these issues up in my head, that he loves me so much, and I am asking for too much. But I never see any changes.BUT. I am absolutely horrified. I'm scared to leave. Dealing with low self esteem and low self worth makes it very hard when it comes to ending the relationship. And I constantly question myself if I am doing the wrong thing or over reacting. I'm also in treatment for an eating disorder so it makes my mental state a bit harder to cope with things.I'm currently in an apprenticeship so I'm not in the best financial situation - I do okay for myself. I don't rely on my BF for any form of money, but starting over is going to be a struggle, new furniture, moving costs, a bond etc. I also moved to a different country quite a few years ago, so I don't have family around for support or very many friends I can turn to.If there is any advice, or steps that I could put in place for myself to start ending this relationship? I feel like I need a game plan to follow through with it. I become very weak and impressionable in the heat of the moment.​TL;DR : Struggling to find the strength to leave due to my insecurities and lacking self worth. How can I do this.
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