I posted about my (38f) pending date with a 29m and how I was unsure about the age gap. You all assured me our 9yr age gap isn't that weird, so I figured I'd let you know how it went. We met at a bar, he bought me a drink and some appetizers for us to share. He asked me a bunch of questions about myself. Considering I've been dating men my age and older, he looked much younger to me, but very cute. I could tell he was nervous but he was very low key and kinda quirky. We played darts and he teased me about kicking my ass at it. At about 9pm he suggested we either go "watch tv" at my house or his, but I told him I'm not gonna do that on a first date and he was ok with that. So at that point he asked when we can see each other again and walked me to my car. He asked if he could kiss me, and I said yes. He gave me a real sweet kiss with no tongue, which was nice. Overall it was a good date and he might just be in it to get some tail from a hot older woman, but ...

This is a fairly common question here, but this is part question and part vent. I got out of a LTR about 9 months ago. Not my choice, didn't see it coming, still sad but largely over it. I've accepted that the relationship sucked and had to end. In fact I felt super alone with him and unloved. Now I'm feeling super sad and anxious about being single forever. Five years ago when I met my ex I was just starting to feel a longing to settle down. Now that I'm about to turn 40 I feel that I'll never find someone. Yes, I like my life and I love my alone time. I've already travelled, learned another language, I have lots of friends and aquaintances and an all consuming hobby. The thing is I'm distracted sometimes to tears at work thinking that I'll be alone forever and lately I have a hard time getting off the couch on the wknd. It could happen. Some people just don't get lucky. Or I could meet someone tomorrow. I just don't know. How do I turn it d...

Why do you feel the need to be in touch all the time with someone you're dating? I'm not a text person even when I like the guy, I feel the spark getting smaller and smaller when someone texts me all day long and I don't know what else to say at some point. I try to let the other person know that I'm not an all--day-texter from the start because I am busy and I really enjoy to be disconnected for a couple of hours when I have the opportunity to do so but then I feel guilty to leave the other person hanging. I know that the reward system of the brain lights up every time you see a text from that special someone and in this sub is a common topic, but I want to hear the other side of the story. Thanks! Submitted May 15, 2019 at 05:08AM Why do you feel the need to be in touch all the time with someone you're dating?I'm not a text person even when I like the guy, I feel the spark getting smaller and smaller when someone texts me all day long and I don'...

I’ve (F34) just been focusing on me for the last 6 months and it’s been great. I just bought my own adorable little house and I’m moving in next weekend. I just got a mini promotion at work and I feel like all my hard work is finally starting to pay off. I’m not looking for a relationship but I’m also not closing myself off to something if it happens. A guy (35ish) I dated shortly before I left my hometown for college sent me a Facebook message last night. He took me on my first backpacking trip so I remember him fondly. After a few messages he asked me if I wanted to go for a hike today. I told him I can’t because of my work schedule and I’ll be moving all weekend. He replied that he was sorry for bothering me and goodbye. I was confused and told him he’s not bothering me and that I’m super busy with work and moving this week but maybe next weekend. As I was falling asleep last night he sent me a couple messages and I woke up to a couple more. We exchanged a few more messages throu...

My BF initiates the calls, but his questions are either "how are you?" and "what are you doing?" I ask him questions, but he gives me one-liners as a response. I start a topic, but most of the time he doesn't have anything to say except "really?" or "that's interesting." He's very interested in sex topics tho and politics, movies, and sports. These are interesting for me too, but there are times I want to talk about something interesting I recently learned about. But, yeah, his responses are short so the conversation just dies. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 08:41AM My BF initiates the calls, but his questions are either "how are you?" and "what are you doing?" I ask him questions, but he gives me one-liners as a response. I start a topic, but most of the time he doesn't have anything to say except "really?" or "that's interesting." He's very interested in sex topics tho and politi...

I'm recently coming to the realization that personal growth and gaining experience makes dating another person less and less likely. Over the past few years, I've been working on myself quite intensely. Like, I set myself the goal to eliminate my biggest weaknesses and work daily on enriching my life. So, I overcame mental issues (depression, GAD, etc.), relocated to our capital, started working out, returned to performing music live, my business grew beyond what I ever anticipated, I got a very good circle of friends, I started new hobbies, I travel... One thing I subsequently started to notice is that it became infinitely harder for me to date somebody. I became unwilling to trade what I worked so hard for for something "lesser". I definitely don't mean to decrease anybody's value. I mean, partnership is a great concept, but for me, it's only satisfying as long as I feel that we contribute equally, that we're benefiting equally from each other...

Online dating making your crazy? Been ghosted or stood up? Tired of putting in the effort? Commiserate with your fellow daters here every hump day. Please keep the following in mind: Rule 4: This is a safe space for all races, genders, and orientations. Rule 5: This is a sex positive place. Rule 6: Don't commodify/de-humanize others Rule 7: The Red Pill/Incel/MGTOW/pickup artist content is not allowed here. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 11:12AM Online dating making your crazy? Been ghosted or stood up? Tired of putting in the effort? Commiserate with your fellow daters here every hump day.Please keep the following in mind:Rule 4: This is a safe space for all races, genders, and orientations.Rule 5: This is a sex positive place.Rule 6: Don't commodify/de-humanize othersRule 7: The Red Pill/Incel/MGTOW/pickup artist content is not allowed here.

I am 52 & he is 36. We didnt know each others ages & hit it off in the wild (which was so nice). I know that is a huge age gap & have dated younger men before but this is a huge gap. He is like an old soul & very chill. We have a lot in common & like minded morals. I am very nervous but wth you only live once (I hope anyway🤣😂). Wish me luck. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 01:25PM I am 52 & he is 36. We didnt know each others ages & hit it off in the wild (which was so nice). I know that is a huge age gap & have dated younger men before but this is a huge gap. He is like an old soul & very chill. We have a lot in common & like minded morals. I am very nervous but wth you only live once (I hope anyway🤣😂). Wish me luck.

How long do you typically wait for feelings to develop? What if you enjoy the person but the intensity is a little low? Has that grown over time? Submitted May 15, 2019 at 01:46PM How long do you typically wait for feelings to develop? What if you enjoy the person but the intensity is a little low? Has that grown over time?

Recently matched up with a girl on a dating app a few days ago and our chats were good. I think it's going well enough that I should ask to meet up for a drink and see how things go. But then she asks me, what's wrong with you? Why are you still single? I tried giving a brush off answer saying if I knew that I probably wouldn't be single hoping she would laugh and drop it. But no, she persists asking why people have broke up with me, shouldn't I have some idea of what I'm doing wrong? At this point I'm turned off and felt all my interest in her evaporate. I haven't responded to her since she asked this yesterday afternoon and I don't plan on saying anything more to her. Or am I being too sensitive and should give her an answer? My thoughts are is that this is a very intrusive and rude question to ask someone you haven't even shared a cup of coffee with. I'm opening to different lines of thoughts here so please let me know what you think. EDIT:...

I’m occasionally asked on OLD for my social media handle before we’ve even met (I only use IG). This feels kind of invasive to me but am I overthinking it? I don’t want people thinking I’m acting sketchy. My page is public bc it’s mostly work related but I tend to be a somewhat private person in general. I know I can make another handle for this purpose but I’m not going to use it so that seems pointless. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 03:18PM I’m occasionally asked on OLD for my social media handle before we’ve even met (I only use IG). This feels kind of invasive to me but am I overthinking it? I don’t want people thinking I’m acting sketchy.My page is public bc it’s mostly work related but I tend to be a somewhat private person in general.I know I can make another handle for this purpose but I’m not going to use it so that seems pointless.

Would like some advice on getting back into the dating world. I am out of a long term relationship, mid 40s male. Where to start? Have never dated or done anything through apps. What are the best ones to use from both the men and women's perspectives. Anyplace else to start outside of the apps - real face to face interactions? Submitted May 15, 2019 at 03:48PM Would like some advice on getting back into the dating world. I am out of a long term relationship, mid 40s male. Where to start? Have never dated or done anything through apps. What are the best ones to use from both the men and women's perspectives. Anyplace else to start outside of the apps - real face to face interactions?

Did you compromise yourself too much? Did you not realize your dreams of a family? Did you stop learning/growing? Submitted May 15, 2019 at 03:50PM Did you compromise yourself too much? Did you not realize your dreams of a family? Did you stop learning/growing?

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I really like this guy, but I am taking things slow. At the same time, I do plan on sleeping with him in the future, if things continue on the path we’ve been taking thus far. However, he just doesn’t have that “I can lay down the pipe” look. And while I try not to put such an emphasis on good sex, guys can sense it when you’re not enjoying the sex, therefore they do not enjoy it either. Then the relationship crumbles. My guy has this plain/simple look and personality. He’s even told me that he and his ex-wife divorced due to bad sex (red flag?) I just don’t even want to waste my time if that’s going to happen to me. I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but this happened to me before a long time ago. So have you been correct in judging someone on their sexual ability, solely off of their looks/personality/“swag”? Just wondering if this is true for others, or if this is all in my head. EDIT: to give you more insight...I’m an over-the-top female (personality and looks-wise...

Met a guy through OLD ~2 weeks ago. I understand the events that have happened since are kinda fast, so please bear with me. I should also mention that I was in a LTR that ended end of last year, and it’s left me pretty damaged. I’m trying hard not to let it affect me, but it continues to manifest itself, especially when it comes to dating.  Anyway, so i was meant to be taking a sabbatical from dating after my solo trip, but got bored one day and still had the app, so i swiped. Started talking to this guy on a thursday/friday, and met him Sunday evening. It was quite random actually - i told him i had work all weekend and was suffering from jet lag, and he just put it out there to “get in touch” if i was bored. So after spending most of Sat & Sun working, I WAS bored and messaged him Sunday afternoon asking if he’d like to hang out in the evening if he was free. It wasn’t even much a romantic thing for me, I just wanted some company after being cooped up all weekend. (also, ...

I was with my ex for 6 and half years. Over time, some white lies built up on both sides due to communication issues and I left him (35,m at the time now 36 yrs old) It’s been 9-10 months now and I’m now in a relationship with 31 year old. He’s great and a lot of communication and honesty which I never had before. Now as I’ve been with him a couple months, I’ve been thinking of all the stuff my ex and I enjoyed together and how different my current bf and I are on other things that don’t involve just relationship like hobbies but that was also an issue for my last relationship. I am wondering if I’m longing for my ex is just me grieving in a way or if now that with someone else I see what I liked about him? I don’t want to drag this current relationship on if I am going to hurt the other person more but I truly do care about him and he’s very supportive and doesn’t deserve to be dragged on but I also don’t want to leave him on a whim of possibly stupid feelings. Any advice? Edit:...

So I'm chatting with this guy this morning, 31 and cute, says he likes that I'm older than him, wants to meet up for a drink tonight. Tell him I can't tonight, but I'm free tomorrow and ask where. He says he doesn't know of any place to drink in my city (15 minutes from his) other than Olive Garden?? I live in a college town.. there's a bazillion bars downtown and tons of restaurants. Is this a joke that I'm not hip to in my old age? Or am I being judgey? Lol. I don't know.. it just struck me as an odd choice. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 05:24PM So I'm chatting with this guy this morning, 31 and cute, says he likes that I'm older than him, wants to meet up for a drink tonight. Tell him I can't tonight, but I'm free tomorrow and ask where. He says he doesn't know of any place to drink in my city (15 minutes from his) other than Olive Garden?? I live in a college town.. there's a bazillion bars downtown and tons of restaurants....

Hello people of DOT, I am feeling a mix of emotions regarding the current situation I am in and could really benefit from hearing your opinion. I have been dating this guy for a year now. Things started off very casual and we kept it very private for the first few months. Ideally, I wanted a relationship, but at the time, I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and realized I needed to do some personal growth and heal my own wounds before I could be ready to be in another relationship. I also realized from very early on that he had some mild commitment issues. But I enjoyed my time with him and he is a good person, so we agreed to keep things casual but we also established sexual exclusivity. At around month 3 or 4, he started introducing me to his circle of close friends and within the last month, I met his parents; he's also met mine already. A few weeks ago I confessed that I was starting to develop feelings for him and that I wanted to see if he felt the same way....

I'm starting to get back into the dating game after a LTR (M34). Not looking to jump into another and ideally would prefer casual dating or FWB. The problem is just about every date I've been on, the person is keenly set on a LTR with the intention of getting married or something. I've tried being upfront with women about this but I think it's too forward and it almost always results in ghosting. Trying to be more subtle about it results in the problem in the first paragraph. What's a better way to go about this? Using the filters and stating it in OLD profiles result in nothing. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 06:37PM I'm starting to get back into the dating game after a LTR (M34). Not looking to jump into another and ideally would prefer casual dating or FWB. The problem is just about every date I've been on, the person is keenly set on a LTR with the intention of getting married or something.I've tried being upfront with women about this but I think...

I know some apps give you 24hrs to respond to a match before you are unmatched. I know some other OLD sites don't do that, so I was curious as to how long to you give a person to respond to your initial message? ​ Normally if I send a first message I usually give the guy at least 2-3 days to respond. If I get no message within that time frame I just keep it moving. Most of these sites now a days don't even tell you that whoever you are messaging may not have been active in a very long time which I would rather they say that. Submitted May 15, 2019 at 06:42PM I know some apps give you 24hrs to respond to a match before you are unmatched. I know some other OLD sites don't do that, so I was curious as to how long to you give a person to respond to your initial message?​Normally if I send a first message I usually give the guy at least 2-3 days to respond. If I get no message within that time frame I just keep it moving. Most of these sites now a days don't even te...

I could really use some input and help getting a read on a new person I've started dating a bit. She (29F) and I (34M) connected on OLD a few weeks ago. Chat was slow, sometimes days in between messages on both our ends. After a little bit I decided just to shoot my shot and get it over with. Asked her to meet for drink and she accepted, saying that she's been busy with finals but after they were over, she would be up for it. We met up early last week for what was supposed to be a quick happy hour and ended up staying for a few hours until the restaurant was getting ready to close. Ended the date with a very PG kiss at her car and saying we would get together again. She texted me when she got home things I would think are good signs, "Thanks for tonight, I had a great time" "Looking forward to getting together again". Great I thought. The next day she text me a simple "hey hope your days going well", I responded back and locked down plans for ano...

My bad, this is gonna be a long one. Met this guy around the beginning of the year on a dating app and clicked pretty well. Good banter, into some of the same things sexually, tons of the same views. Set up a time to hang out, weather didn't cooperate so a week or so later he jokes that I should come visit him on lunch break. So I do. The goal at this point was a hook up - for both of us. It was mind blowing. By the time I got home we had plans to hang out that weekend and he tells me he actually misses me. It wasn't just sex, it was great cuddling and chatting too. Do the same thing a couple of days later, before hanging out that weekend. After the second meet up we get pretty in the weeds on what kind of future we might like, but both are very adamant that at this point FWB is where we want to be. In the past few months he does some really relationship-type stuff. Like drives 30+ minutes just to take me to dinner and tuck me in after a really long work day. We see each ot...

New to the subreddit, and looking for some advice. After 5 years of marriage, having a child, and being a divorced for a little over two years, I'm slowly getting back into the dating world. And the main complaint I have found from the handful of men I've agreed to go on dates with is that things ultimately fizzle out because they are tired of taking all the initiative. They are tired of planning dates, always contacting me first, being the ones to initiate the first hand hold or kiss... things like that. It took me a couple weeks to figure out why that was. And I think it's because I'm constantly taking initiative in my own life because it's required of me, despite the fact that I'm an introvert. I'm a single parent, and that requires me to be a bull of a woman where I live, especially since my child has a couple of developmental delays he is working through. I also built my own career from the ground up after my divorce, without having a degree in it. A...

I (40ishf) encountered a guy (mid-30s) through OLD who seems nice, and we seem to share some similar interest. He’s asked me out for this weekend, and I was looking forward to it ... and then I started reading some of his responses to questions on the app which reveal (repeatedly) that he’s ... never had a relationship, never dated, never had sex, and he has no friends (not paraphrasing, his exact words). Some of his other answers — such as identifying as a non-voter — are a little uncommon. Though he seems to be educated and gainfully employed, my instinct was a big ol’ “h*ck no.” I wondered, though, how someone who has lived a sheltered life would ever meet someone; it’s almost like the work experience conundrum. On the other hand ... I’m not looking for a project or someone completely anti-social. Certainly a coffee date couldn’t go so bad ... right? Submitted May 15, 2019 at 08:51PM I (40ishf) encountered a guy (mid-30s) through OLD who seems nice, and we seem to share so...

I recently matched with a woman on Bumble who had pics of her taken at a geek bar that I also frequent. We were chatting about comics and other geeky things, and I brought up how the referenced bar was having a Tolkien-themed night on Friday in honor of the upcoming movie. I said that since I am a huge fan of second breakfast that I would be going to it, and I asked her if she wanted to go with me. She wrote back saying that it sounded tempting but that she had a birthday that night, and she didn't know what a Tolkien was. I wrote back saying that I would be more than happy to show her the wonders of Middle Earth and Second Breakfast, and I asked her what day would work better for her. No response to that. When you ask someone out, and they say that they already have something planned and they don't offer a different date or event, what do you do? Do you leave it as is and unmatch, or do you ask what day would work better, and if it's the latter, how would you word it? Or...

Sorry this is going to be long! I’m a cis/hetero/35F dating for the first time in my life after being in two back to back LTRs. The problem is that I have a normal to high sex drive but I’m rarely attracted to anyone. This included my LTRs who I had a great intellectual connection w but no physical attraction and a not so great sex life. Meanwhile I have had 3 intense crushes over the course of my life (seems I get one per decade) which all started as lust at first sight situations and lasted 3-4 painful/frustrating years as the feelings were not mutual (two actively disliked me and one friend-zoned me). I’ve been advised that if I give people more time attraction may develop but so far the thought of even kissing a guy I wasn’t immediately attracted to has remained just as repulsive to me on a second date as on the first. It’s hard to want to continue dating knowing I will most likely have to reject the guy at some point and that’s obviously something I dread doing. It also feels mor...

I (32F) ended things with someone I had been seeing for a few weeks. This was over a month ago. Main issue? He wouldn't take "no" for an answer. I don't want to hang out? Keeps texting. Tell him I need a day to myself? Non stop calling. Surprise surprise that continues even after I very clearly called it off. Text/calls every couple of days ever since. Today I gave up and picked up, to tell him off and inform him he is being blocked. Did a little rehashing to try to give him some closure. I don't want to hurt the guy, but I don't want him thinking he's got a chance. During the conversation, he said the non stop texts had been his "effort to show me what I meant to him." WHAT??? Is what I mean to him worth ... text messages?? Don't get me wrong, he'd been thoroughly rejected and any attempt to get me back would be over the line, but it's got me thinking: Why, even when a man is trying to win me over or win me back, does their effor...

I'm curious about any thoughts you guys may have on those individuals in relationships who tend to post a lot of memes on social media relating to male/female relationships. This subject sparked some controversy with some of my friends recently so I was curious about what the community thinks... A friend of a friend is a female and tends to post a meme every couple days relating to the general "If your man doesn't do XYZ for you, then he ain't shit" and sometimes memes that are jokes like "Me: Alexa...can you find me a good man? Alexa: Could not find a good man." The thing is...this person is in a relationship that she claims is great and who treats her well. The debate I was having with friends about this was that I felt that her posting this stuff was pretty disrespectful to her partner. She's not a meme influencer or anything like that. She just thinks "it's just a meme" and shouldn't be applied to her personal life. OK...all ...

Yes I did it. Yes I know it was wrong. I’ve apologized profusely and it’s not something I’ve ever done before, or plan to do again. I’m 29. He’s 32. That said, I found weird messages between my bf and his friend on Instagram. They’ve known each other for 10 years, so he said they were friendly and chatted about life etc. But she asked if we were official and he said “naw.” This is 6 months in to dating. He said he was joking and he meant truly nothing by it. She also sent some sexually suggestive messages to which he mind of along among with. I was/am obviously devastated and betrayed but i knew i had to tell him what i did/saw. So I did. We fought but resolved it. So i wrote it off because he said it meant nothing and i TRUST him. Anyway, a few weeks later he said he wanted a break. We have barely spoken despite my efforts and apologizing for reading this messages. However he’s shown not a lot of remorse for what i saw, claiming it’s my own fault for looking. He said he doesn’t want ...

Hello, I am a 38yo female, on and off single for a few years. I have been on plenty of dates and am fairly ok in that area. I am independent, and pay all of my bills and debts, have an education and pursuing more education as well. I was recently told by a guy friend of mine that I am a strong personality - not in a bad way, just I haven’t met anyone who could match me so far. I was on tinder 2 times. I know what Tinder is for, but I had slight hope that maybe I could at least make some cool friends or something. I am not a one night stand girl, I believe I deserve more as I have already done the whole one night & fwb situations. Over a year ago, I met a man (about 6 years older than me) and we went on a few dates, the chemistry for me was unreal. Nothing physical happened but a few days After meeting we just stopped speaking, which was fine, I figured we weren’t in the same page. Met a few other men, but nothing serious or with potential. Then I met a man who is my age and we...

Some time ago, I met this man. After we were slightly better acquainted, he asked me out. I told him I wasn't interested, but would be happy to get to know him better as a friend if he was ok with this. He took the rejection well (actually when he asked and I hesitated, he said it's ok if I said no), and we continued to be friendly, but never actually spent time together. Anyway, we were talking about a shared interest recently, and we went to an event together, and grabbed coffee after (which he tried to pay for). He did acknowledge again what I had said about friendship, and seemed respectful of my boundaries. He asked to meet up again the next week for dinner, which I agreed to. The conversation we had at dinner seemed very date-like, including asking about previous relationships, if I was currently dating (I told him I was taking a long undetermined break and vaguely hinted at past traumas. I'm just a (stupidly?) honest person with regards to these things), etc. Much...

My friend said something really eye-opening to me the other day. She's spent the last year intentionally single, but now that she's dating someone, old habits are flaring up. She's just having a rough time. She was down on herself about her dating life but then realized she's spent time healing her single self, not her relationship self. Learning to be independent is important, but it probably won't fix the bad habits you've had in past relationships. Love and dating require trust, vulnerability, reciprocity... behaviors that require another person. You don't get better at these skills in isolation. I think it's kind of like getting injured while playing a sport. You don't expect to be better than you were as soon as you're healthy enough to jump back in. Be patient with yourself. Submitted May 16, 2019 at 05:35AM My friend said something really eye-opening to me the other day. She's spent the last year intentionally single, but now th...

I am curious to know what OLD strategy you guys are using. Do you match with everyone you find remotely attractive or are you very picky? Do you go on a date with as much people as possible or do you limit this to the people whose profile really interests you? On how many dates do you go to in a month? Your gender? Your objective in OLD? Submitted May 16, 2019 at 06:35AM I am curious to know what OLD strategy you guys are using.Do you match with everyone you find remotely attractive or are you very picky?Do you go on a date with as much people as possible or do you limit this to the people whose profile really interests you?On how many dates do you go to in a month?Your gender?Your objective in OLD?