I want to have sex for first time but too stupid

So for the past two years I’ve been wanting to actually lose my (19m) virginity. I want to more now than ever cause in my main group of friends they have all lost their virginity and make fun of me for it sometimes, one of them even has a baby on the way.

I was never thinking about actually having sex till my senior of high school. I did have a gf in high school, junior year, and tried stuff with her. Never got further than fingering and making out before we broke up. Since then I’ve had more than 4 chances to actually hook up with multiple girls. On any of those occasions I was either to stupid to realize what was happening or I just fucked it up and nothing ever happened. There’s this one time I always think about.

About a year and a half ago I went to my first “party” outside of school. It wasn’t really like a house party, a girl from my school just invited me to her 18th birthday with all her family. She acknowledged that her family would leave by the time we got there and then we could drink. Me being 17 and knowing there was alcohol there I was all for it. So long story short there was this girl there that I was sort of into but I wasnt fully sure cause I was still heartbroken from a previous girl/relationship, but I knew she liked me not only cause she told me but I drove her home from school a lot and we texted everyday. So she tried holding my hand and I just didn’t hold it it back and she put my arm over her but as soon as the fireball came out I ignored her. Even at the time I felt guilty about this but didn’t care, I just wanted to get drunk and most likely die in a ditch (which actually almost happened). Anyway at some point in the night I tell my friend I’m going to go find said girl and make out with her. But obviously that never happened because I got to drunk and got arrested. Later on I found out the girl wanted to hook up with me and was crying because I ditched her.

Anyway, I always think about that night and how badly I messed up. It’s not even the first time that happened but I won’t tell you every story.

Should I feel like shit cause I haven’t lost my virginity. It just seems like any girl that likes me I have a chance but ruin it with anxiety and eagerness. Even when I think I’m being smart I’m not. I just want to fill this empty void of sex

Submitted May 16, 2019 at 06:43AM

So for the past two years I’ve been wanting to actually lose my (19m) virginity. I want to more now than ever cause in my main group of friends they have all lost their virginity and make fun of me for it sometimes, one of them even has a baby on the way.I was never thinking about actually having sex till my senior of high school. I did have a gf in high school, junior year, and tried stuff with her. Never got further than fingering and making out before we broke up. Since then I’ve had more than 4 chances to actually hook up with multiple girls. On any of those occasions I was either to stupid to realize what was happening or I just fucked it up and nothing ever happened. There’s this one time I always think about.About a year and a half ago I went to my first “party” outside of school. It wasn’t really like a house party, a girl from my school just invited me to her 18th birthday with all her family. She acknowledged that her family would leave by the time we got there and then we could drink. Me being 17 and knowing there was alcohol there I was all for it. So long story short there was this girl there that I was sort of into but I wasnt fully sure cause I was still heartbroken from a previous girl/relationship, but I knew she liked me not only cause she told me but I drove her home from school a lot and we texted everyday. So she tried holding my hand and I just didn’t hold it it back and she put my arm over her but as soon as the fireball came out I ignored her. Even at the time I felt guilty about this but didn’t care, I just wanted to get drunk and most likely die in a ditch (which actually almost happened). Anyway at some point in the night I tell my friend I’m going to go find said girl and make out with her. But obviously that never happened because I got to drunk and got arrested. Later on I found out the girl wanted to hook up with me and was crying because I ditched her.Anyway, I always think about that night and how badly I messed up. It’s not even the first time that happened but I won’t tell you every story.Should I feel like shit cause I haven’t lost my virginity. It just seems like any girl that likes me I have a chance but ruin it with anxiety and eagerness. Even when I think I’m being smart I’m not. I just want to fill this empty void of sex