Personal growth makes dating harder?!

I'm recently coming to the realization that personal growth and gaining experience makes dating another person less and less likely.

Over the past few years, I've been working on myself quite intensely. Like, I set myself the goal to eliminate my biggest weaknesses and work daily on enriching my life. So, I overcame mental issues (depression, GAD, etc.), relocated to our capital, started working out, returned to performing music live, my business grew beyond what I ever anticipated, I got a very good circle of friends, I started new hobbies, I travel...

One thing I subsequently started to notice is that it became infinitely harder for me to date somebody. I became unwilling to trade what I worked so hard for for something "lesser". I definitely don't mean to decrease anybody's value. I mean, partnership is a great concept, but for me, it's only satisfying as long as I feel that we contribute equally, that we're benefiting equally from each other's presence.

But, how do you benefit from somebody's presence, if there is nothing in your life that you feel you need? Or when your life is just "complete" on its own?

Building a great support network for myself has proven to fulfill most of my emotional needs. I still take singing lessons, plus painting lessons, have a personal coach... I got that covered. I taught myself to cook and I enjoy cleaning up to unwind after being business-focused all week, so that's cool. Given that I feel fulfilled and that I'm busy with playing/recording my music and all else, I kinda don't feel the need for ONS or other similar ways to feel validated anymore. I myself respect myself now and I'm too tired at the end of the day for that anyway.

Honestly, I'm just weirded out by how things turned out to be. Ultimately, I've reached a point where I'm just content with what things are and I started gaining endless satisfaction from growing further. "My business is doing well, but it will be even better! And I can be more fit! And go to places I never saw! And make more art! Woohoo!"

So I tried dating a few times over the past few years, but many times, it ended in a similar fashion. I liked the person, but it made me feel like I had to hit the breaks on my life for them. And I don't want to do that anymore. I enjoy being empathetic and accommodating, but not to the point where I feel I'm losing the essence of who I am. These days, I can't get myself to do that anymore. And where once I had the habit to take every chance I had with a woman, now I find myself turning them down, cause I don't feel like investing my energy that way.

I surely haven't given up on dating. And I surely don't feel anything negative towards women at all. But I've realized that as I grew, my standards grew and my need for somebody else lessened. And I find myself wondering some of these days, whether this is OK. Because we always get presented that you SHOULD have somebody, that you SHOULD find a partner or you'll be lonely... And perhaps that certain level loneliness is something that will catch up to me, who knows. I just know that I can't compromise anymore. For me, it feels strange to arrive at this point and I'm basically a bit worried at times, whether there might be something wrong with me.

Submitted May 15, 2019 at 10:52AM

I'm recently coming to the realization that personal growth and gaining experience makes dating another person less and less likely.Over the past few years, I've been working on myself quite intensely. Like, I set myself the goal to eliminate my biggest weaknesses and work daily on enriching my life. So, I overcame mental issues (depression, GAD, etc.), relocated to our capital, started working out, returned to performing music live, my business grew beyond what I ever anticipated, I got a very good circle of friends, I started new hobbies, I travel...One thing I subsequently started to notice is that it became infinitely harder for me to date somebody. I became unwilling to trade what I worked so hard for for something "lesser". I definitely don't mean to decrease anybody's value. I mean, partnership is a great concept, but for me, it's only satisfying as long as I feel that we contribute equally, that we're benefiting equally from each other's presence.But, how do you benefit from somebody's presence, if there is nothing in your life that you feel you need? Or when your life is just "complete" on its own?Building a great support network for myself has proven to fulfill most of my emotional needs. I still take singing lessons, plus painting lessons, have a personal coach... I got that covered. I taught myself to cook and I enjoy cleaning up to unwind after being business-focused all week, so that's cool. Given that I feel fulfilled and that I'm busy with playing/recording my music and all else, I kinda don't feel the need for ONS or other similar ways to feel validated anymore. I myself respect myself now and I'm too tired at the end of the day for that anyway.Honestly, I'm just weirded out by how things turned out to be. Ultimately, I've reached a point where I'm just content with what things are and I started gaining endless satisfaction from growing further. "My business is doing well, but it will be even better! And I can be more fit! And go to places I never saw! And make more art! Woohoo!"So I tried dating a few times over the past few years, but many times, it ended in a similar fashion. I liked the person, but it made me feel like I had to hit the breaks on my life for them. And I don't want to do that anymore. I enjoy being empathetic and accommodating, but not to the point where I feel I'm losing the essence of who I am. These days, I can't get myself to do that anymore. And where once I had the habit to take every chance I had with a woman, now I find myself turning them down, cause I don't feel like investing my energy that way.I surely haven't given up on dating. And I surely don't feel anything negative towards women at all. But I've realized that as I grew, my standards grew and my need for somebody else lessened. And I find myself wondering some of these days, whether this is OK. Because we always get presented that you SHOULD have somebody, that you SHOULD find a partner or you'll be lonely... And perhaps that certain level loneliness is something that will catch up to me, who knows. I just know that I can't compromise anymore. For me, it feels strange to arrive at this point and I'm basically a bit worried at times, whether there might be something wrong with me.