Oh you sweet summer child. Your posts scream ignorance. July 16, 2020 at 12:00AM

There is no such thing as "normal allo behavior" All non-aces are different and experience sexual attraction differently and under different circumstances. Likewise all demisexual people are different and I know demisexual people that fall all across the spectrum for how strong of a bond is required for them to experience sexual attraction and how long that kind of bond might take to form. Many of those fall well within "normal allo" levels. Your definition of demisexuality excludes many of the demisexual people I know. July 16, 2020 at 12:00AM

That's fair. Thank you for taking the time here. July 15, 2020 at 11:57PM

That’s kinda a bummer, the demi rep got me all excited. It’s understandable tho, I think most of us ace fellas are happy to appreciate it from a distance July 15, 2020 at 11:55PM

Thank you so much for replying! :) I do find that I can sexually fantasise but I have literally never thought of it being different. I guess I haven’t been paying attention to myself until now because I’m only just realising that I have never liked any act performed on me but rather to see other people deriving some sort of pleasure. If that makes sense. Yes I think it’s a good idea to open my mind to this as it may help in the long run. This was extremely helpful to me so thank you! July 15, 2020 at 11:54PM

That's where YOU are wrong. A "strong bond" has no universal definition and differs from person to person to such a degree that there are major extremes that require different labels. It's not like a "third date" rule where you reach a level of trust enough to have sex -- that would be "allo". A demisexual is effectively an asexual except in few very rare circumstances that could take weeks or months to develop, and even after there finally is some sexual attraction, it could fade quickly and take weeks to happen again. This is not normal allo behavior, and likely going to cause issues with demi relationships with allos. July 15, 2020 at 11:54PM

Thank you!! Sometimes I feel like all of my experiences are just in my head and just a way for me to feel "different" or "special". I really needed to hear this today. Honestly I still feel like I'm making this up hut im working on it 🖤💜 July 15, 2020 at 11:52PM

All demisexual people are different and have varying degrees of bond necessary to experience sexual attraction just like non-ace people. That leaves a large overlap in the middle of that spectrum. Because there is no standard non-ace way of experiencing attraction you can't say that all demisexual people have a different experience than all non-ace people. July 15, 2020 at 11:52PM

Oh, that clarifies a lot of things for me, now I know, I am asexual! I'm just sex positive, thanks this helped me a lot! July 15, 2020 at 11:51PM

For what it's worth, I'm still unsure myself if I'm hetero romantic and asexual or heterosexual. I made a post here in this subreddit a few months ago, I'll link it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/gb7hi2/questioning_my_life_and_asexuality July 15, 2020 at 11:48PM

Not like a demisexual. When you're demi, you're asexual. Generally, there is no "spark", no "chemistry", no sexual attraction at all until you are emotionally bonded. Not just a "certain degree of knowledge". It goes way beyond that. July 15, 2020 at 11:46PM

oh wow. that's a really good way of putting it. this helps me visualize my asexuality a lot better July 15, 2020 at 11:46PM

Thankyou very much. It's just a lil scary trying to figure this stuff out, and this helped. July 15, 2020 at 11:45PM

I'd rather be excluded along with the cis guys than included in an app called "HER". I'm happy that women and non-binary people have that, but don't class me as a sort of "other" type of man. I know damn well I'm not like a lot of cis guys and I have a very different type of life history, but being casually grouped with women and non-binary people makes me feel like shit. Not because those people are lesser, by any stretch. But because I am not them, and if you're kicking men out, kick me out too. July 15, 2020 at 11:45PM

Since you used the word positive, you'd be talking about you views of be open/okay with the subject of sex in a social setting (seeing it in entertainment, discussing it with others, etc). So your social view/preference? If you meant sex-favourable, being okay with involving yourself in sexual activity, then sexual preference/tolerance sounds okay? I don't really think either are "orientations", just modifiers. Also in both cases the word "repulsed" is usually used, not "negative". I'm open to correction (including on punctuation)! July 15, 2020 at 11:45PM

I've been with my partner for 8 years and the only way we are where we are in the relationship is by talking. Being really honest and letting each other come to terms with what's going on. She might need some time to process the new dynamic. The number one thing you guys should work towards is lack of guilt. She shouldn't feel guilty because she isn't giving you what you want and you shouldn't feel guilty that you want that from her. Work out your own dynamic, cues that you are/aren't in the mood, maybe cuddles after alone time, whatever means you're both comfortable and can strengthen the relationship. Don't avoid each other because you're coming on too strong/encouraging arousal, always try to communicate instead. July 15, 2020 at 11:44PM

If only they were all so adopting and open. July 15, 2020 at 11:41PM

i don't know is it's a good idea to include or not, but there are certain terms that I could determine based on previous knowledge of Latin roots. for example, I had heard sapphic, but not aechillian, and could infer the meaning of the second because I knew about aechilles' relationship with Patroclus. when something like that happened I wasn't sure what to mark it as. July 15, 2020 at 11:41PM

So you would love to eat bis. P.S. I love your username, because I like Cthulu mythos sadly cant say the same for the author. July 15, 2020 at 11:37PM

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! That's so kind of you to say!!! July 15, 2020 at 11:33PM

That's where you're wrong. A "strong bond" is a vague and immeasurable concept. Many non-aces require a certain degree of knowledge about or connection toward a person before they're able to feel sexual attraction toward them. It isn't a matter of perference, just the way some people are wired. Some people choose to label that particular experience. July 15, 2020 at 11:32PM

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