To cut a long story short... a few weeks ago I kissed my girl best friend on a night out despite being in a 5+ year relationship. My girl best friend told me that she wanted me to choose her and after some careful thinking, I decided to end my relationship and see where things went with my girl best friend. A week later we discussed what we wanted and decided to start a casual but exclusive relationship, we shared a half date together and I thought everything was going well. Texts were flirty but also sweet and genuine. One week later I got a text calling everything off. She said she wanted to put things on hold for the time being because she felt like things would end up in a serious relationship and she didn't think that was right for either of us at the time and then she said there was another guy involved and she didn't want to hurt me. Since everything has fallen apart, I can't stop thinking about her. What can I do to try and make things the way they were and pick...

yes the title says it all, I'm in love with my best friend. I know this because it hit me like a truck a month ago. the thing is that she's had a boyfriend for the last 6 months. I've noticed that their relationship was going sour 2 months ago and as a friend warned her of the red flags her SO was emitting. she finally ended things with him last night. I know break ups are hard extremely so, but that doesn't change the fact of my feelings towards her. I want to tell her that I'm there for her hug and console her and just straight up spoil her rotten, tell her that she is loved and appreciated and all around amazing. that I'll always be there when she wants/ needs me. but I also know it's WAAAY to soon to do so. I've been patient but in all honesty I dont know how much longer I can continue to do so I'm not sure what to do I love her, and our friendship but I dont want to ruin it by telling her how I feel. TL;DR I'm in love with my best friend no...

I think you must be conflating the different kinds of attraction. It’s possible to find someone aesthetically attractive without feeling sexual attraction for them. Thinking a person has done a good job selecting clothing options and liking their appearance isn’t the same as being specifically sexually attracted to them. I’m also not sure you understood my original point. I think there are some people in the world for whom a lack of sexual attraction would be a serious blow and probably a dealbreaker, and there are other people who would not consider it that big of a deal. There’s a wide variety of people in the world. You cite knowing one specific allo person for whom it is a big deal, but I also know of allo people for whom it is not a big deal. My point about societies messaging is that some people who would not inherently have cared can sometimes be influenced by repeated messaging into thinking it’s a bigger deal than it is January 03, 2022 at 12:47AM

I don't get this situation, is she testing me or something? She flirted with me all night then asks if I want to see her as a friend. Is she insecure from the fact that I might see her as a friend? how should I respond? Submitted January 03, 2022 at 01:16AM I don't get this situation, is she testing me or something?She flirted with me all night then asks if I want to see her as a friend. Is she insecure from the fact that I might see her as a friend?how should I respond?

First thing to remember is that no one else can tell what sexuality someone has other than the person themself. Orientations are based on attraction or lacktherof, which is internal, not external behavior. You’ve said he seems sex repulsed, but it’s possible to be sex repulsed and not asexual. I’d say make sure to ask him whether he wants your assistance. You can ask if he’d like you to send him resources, or if he’d like you to listen while he talks through his internal experiences, but respect his answer if he says no, or if he changes his mind later and says no. These are really personal topics, and no one should be pressured to reveal personal details to someone if they don’t feel comfortable. Some helpful resources might be this video on types of attraction, these three links about what sexual attraction feels like, and maybe pointing him to places like this subreddit and AVEN where he can ask his own questions if he wants to. Regardless of whether he ends up identifying ...

Heads-up, this comment came out reading pretty angry. This is unintentional (and I failed to fix it). I have some disagreements but I'm not trying to call you a bad person or anything. To be honest, I don't think it's tough at all. I think it's kinda messed up to tell people they shouldn't identify a certain way because it may harm the community. It's not anyone's responsibility to uphold the image of the community. Yeah, children identifying a-spec "growing out of it" may give ammunition to aphobes to infantilize us, but that's not the fault of the children and they should never be held responsible for the actions of aphobes. Identities (especially orientations) of young people are often in flux but still equally valid. That said, I'm curious how many children who identify a-spec end up allo in adulthood. My gut says the percentage is low as, while I agree that children don't experience sexual attraction like teens and adults do, ch...

Someone ghosted me, and it’s been about 2 days now. Should I reach out? Or just let it be? I’m fine with not saying anything, but a part of me wants to just check in and see if she is doing ok. Any advice? If you think I should reach out, what would I say? Submitted January 03, 2022 at 12:15AM Someone ghosted me, and it’s been about 2 days now. Should I reach out? Or just let it be? I’m fine with not saying anything, but a part of me wants to just check in and see if she is doing ok.Any advice? If you think I should reach out, what would I say?