Congratulations 🎉😁 August 08, 2021 at 12:05AM

Glad I could help :D August 08, 2021 at 12:04AM

I appreciate your trying to be respectful! My first kiss, my last year of high school, I was like "Huh, that's it? Not as magical as all the books and movies talk about, but maybe it's just because I don't know how to do it right yet." This was when I didn't know I was asexual. And I felt like that throughout most of my dating life, all the kissing and sex, even when I felt pleasure, like slightly let down, like a series of "That's it? I would rather do almost anything else." To be fair, I do adore closed-mouth kisses with my husband. But, open-mouth kisses, generally, it just feels wet. Haha, I'm always weirdly reminded of being kissed by a dog, like appreciating the love and affection, but feeling very damp afterwards. Yeah, then I realized I was asexual and a lot of my past history made a lot more sense in retrospect. I'm not aromatic though, so not sure how that would play into the feeling. August 08, 2021 at 12:04AM

Back when I thought I was the norm and everyone was ace, I used to think those types of ads were just jokes cuz like, nobody’s gonna find that appealing anyways August 08, 2021 at 12:04AM

that actually helps a LOT August 08, 2021 at 12:03AM

only my first gf. hell our first date was retroactive. it was 2009 and she'd won phillies box seat tickets for perfect attendance at school and none of the people she knew had any interest in baseball so she came to my thread on gaia where she was regular on and asked if anyone was in the philly area and wanted to go with her! luckily i'm right across the river. we later decided to consider it a date! she ended up being extremely abusive though. August 08, 2021 at 12:03AM

Cuddles are the best! And kisses are meh August 08, 2021 at 12:03AM

You might want to look into other kinds of attraction, sometimes called tertiary attraction (but that makes it sound lesser than romantic and sexual attraction, and is a terrible name) Heres the wiki: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Tertiary_Attraction Theres a lot, so the more commonly seen types are sensual, platonic, queerplatonic, alterous and aesthetic. Side note: not all aroaces experience these types of attraction August 08, 2021 at 12:01AM

that describes more life experiences that i had them i care to admit August 08, 2021 at 12:01AM

I'll brought cake and garlic bread for the celebration!!! 🎂 🍰🎂🍰🍞🍞🍞 August 08, 2021 at 12:01AM

No, I used to volunteer in a women's shelter where I would take care of the babies and I would end up exhausted after so many hours of trying to get them to stop crying. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like if I had to deal with that 24/7. August 08, 2021 at 12:01AM

thank god someone agrees with me on that August 08, 2021 at 12:00AM

It's not the same thing??? Edit: I'm pretty sure about what I want to do. I don't want to lose this relstionship I have. I don't usually do these things so it's a pretty special thing. August 07, 2021 at 11:59PM

My first kiss was with my first partner, who was a female. I turned out to be a gay male until very recently when I realized I was a homo-romantic ace male. The kiss itself was very sweet and we both enjoyed it. I don't regret it one bit. But... it's funny to look back on, knowing where I would end up. I'm an amateur author myself, so based on the information you're presenting, I would recommend this: Put the reader in the AceAro main's head. Draw on the experiences and character building from the rest of the book to lead up to the big moment. Is this kiss the moment she realizes what she is? Or is it more of a confusing moment where she sorta goes along with it because allo-normativity? Is she okay with it because of the 'complicated relationship' she has with the teammate? As a reader, I would be curious as to the build up between to the two characters, how it leads to this intimate moment, and I'd hope the scene fits the character development I'

Aw what a nice friend that’s wonderful. When I came out to my (ultra-gay) friends, one of them piped up that he was demisexual and wanted to know which specific type of ace I was 🥺 which I’m aego and everybody still loved me August 07, 2021 at 11:57PM

Honesty, same! It makes guys mad for some reason though, lmao. August 07, 2021 at 11:57PM

Lucky! You’re going to have to post an update soon! Congrats friend August 07, 2021 at 11:55PM

Being ace is about sexual attraction if you don’t experience it ( or only very rarely) then you are ace ☺️ I am ace ( aegosexual ) I love the idea of sex in theory. I even fantasise about others having it, but just the thought of sex involving me is extremely off putting. I am not repulsed it just seems wrong for sex to involve me. August 07, 2021 at 11:54PM

Dont get intimidated when other freshmen talk like they know everything, cause they dont. Examine other people’s opinions carefully for yourself instead of just accepting them without thinking on your own. Reapect other people’s believes and opinions, even if they don’t match your own (of course only as long as they arent racist, homophobic, sexist, etc.) August 07, 2021 at 11:54PM

Ah, but there's the thing. It sounds like you met somebody through the internet and had a date with them. Is that correct? If so, then you had a real-life connection component. What I was getting at with OP's reply is that (it sounds like) she was struggling to connect through internet apps. My argument is that such a thing is impossible. People can't connect through electronic means alone. August 07, 2021 at 11:52PM

Is there a way you would have liked the situation to play out differently after the point where you two called it quits? Would you have wanted to finish him with your mouth/hand? Would you have wanted him to let you know what he was going to go do? If so, you can communicate those things. But otherwise, I would chalk this up to societal pressure that says that it's only sex if (aside from the other cisheteronormative stuff), it ends in orgasm or else you're a failure of a partner. This happens during sex! Sometimes not everyone cums, sometimes no one cums - some people don't even like cumming. Sex is so much more than that. Sex is the entire journey. It's about the view, not about the finish. You didn't fail by not being aroused or not finishing him off, and he didn't fail by going to privately relieve himself. But if you think this is an opportunity to improve communication, then speak up and talk about that! August 07, 2021 at 11:51PM

The ace spectrum is so diverse it’s impossible to answer on behalf of everyone…however here are my biggest frustrations: 1) the expectation that kissing leads to sex 2) the expectation that if I do something sexual to them it has to be reciprocated, I mean sometimes I’m just happy to do someone a favour! 3) being made to feel guilty for not wanting sex, or being able to go a long time without it. Particularly having your commitment to that person questioned. I suggest you just talk about it, I’m sure your partner will appreciate that. Ps I’m not sex favourable particularly, more indifferent. I’m pretty grossed out at the thought of sex with most people. I’m open to sex with someone I feel connected to, but I’m not much bothered if we do or not. I’d have a nice time doing anything with someone I really love. Hope this is helpful, apologies for the crap formatting - I’m on my phone August 07, 2021 at 11:50PM

You know that you're allowed to say "no" in the middle of any activity, right? If something starts to feel bad, you're allowed to say "stop" and have that be respected. If you're willing to try up until the point where it starts feeling bad, then the moment it starts feeling bad is your boundary. August 07, 2021 at 11:47PM