Hello! So, to answer your question, (although I'm no expert) sexual arousal is the feeling of genuinely wanting to have sex with someone, (for example, seeing someone and then wanting to have sex with them, etc) and then there's being aroused by seeing someone else be sexually pleased (I don't know how else to say it) which isn't you being pleased or aroused by having sex or wanting to have sex, it's being pleased or aroused by seeing someone else have those feelings. I'm sorry if that got a bit complicated😅 Also I completely understand how confusing the microlabels are, I'm not sure whether I'm just neutral-ace, or if I'm gray, or aego, or what.😬 January 25, 2021 at 12:01AM

It's hard for some people to understand things that they can't relate to. Some may say those things thinking it's something you want to hear (to comfort you) while others have definitely more harmful intentions. Don't let that discourage you. You can tell them when you are ready. If they don't react the way you hope, just remember that it won't invalidate who you are or feel. January 25, 2021 at 12:00AM

That was such a god tier way to describe it! January 24, 2021 at 11:53PM

Oh are you Friend? Hi Friend! January 24, 2021 at 11:53PM

Hey☺️ January 24, 2021 at 11:53PM

Asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction and has no bearing on whether or not you enjoy sex or have it frequently. There are however subcategories within asexuality that describe feelings toward sex and one is being sex neutral which you may wish to look into. Based on what you said you could just be looking for different relationships to everyone else you're comparing yourself too, or you could be asexual. Do you think you have felt sexually attracted to anyone before? Some other labels on the ace spectrum such as demisexual or gray asexual might be more fitting as well and are worth checking out. Best of luck! January 24, 2021 at 11:52PM

I appreciate it. It's been a difficult road dealing with my loss for three years by myself. But I did notice I changed afterwards, I didn't know what it was until I saw an episode on BoJack horseman where the character Todd was talking about being asexual. Then I realized that is what happened to me. I got friends that take me to the store sometimes and they're always telling me look at those hot chicks, and yeah if it was normal start from stances I would be attracted to them but I'm not. Not even to the ones that are wearing super skimpy clothes I just have no interest. And I know I'm not gay because I never had feelings like that for men. So I am asexual and I enjoyed being with my wife for 18 years. But now I think I can be happy, to which I am by being by myself. Having friends is great, but that's all there will ever be. And I'm good with that. Thank you so much for your kind reply I do appreciate it. January 24, 2021 at 11:45PM

It's a really useful term but damn i wish the word was a different one. January 24, 2021 at 11:44PM

I feel like maybe that's what it is, platonic attraction?? It's very intense in that I want to talk to them/see them but I literally don't want to even really hold their hands or cuddle or anything I literally just want to talk to them and get to know them. I don't think I have aesthetic attraction. January 24, 2021 at 11:39PM

Thank you! That was very thorough. It did help me understand. I've fantasized about romantic and sexual relationships before, but thought that my understanding of them were impossible fantasies. Maybe they are possible for me after all..? January 24, 2021 at 11:37PM

never wears sweaters except Christmas always wears jeans because at is all Americans ever wear in the south January 24, 2021 at 11:35PM

No problem! Happy to help and share my experience for others who feel the same:) I have to google the term, but I don't think I relate to being aegosexual. I'm sexually attracted to women, not into hookups for the sex only unless a connection's formed, and I rarely fall in love. I don't know what that falls into. January 24, 2021 at 11:34PM

That's a whole lot of stuff there, but honestly, it seems like you're headed in the right direction just by being open to the ideas that there is more out there than you know. It sounds like you are still in a college setting. What I would recommend doing if you want to get past your internalized prejudices is join up with your local LBGT+ club. Get to know some people that some of those religious people thought were "evil". See what they are really like. Yes, there are jerks in every group. It happens. But on the whole, I think that you'll find that actually interacting with real people will give you a much healthier and realistic perspective. It won't be theoretical any more. You sound like you're on the right path. It's good to see. January 24, 2021 at 11:31PM

Yeah no prob I'll show her ur comment. January 24, 2021 at 11:31PM

Thank you, this helps and I appreciate you sharing. January 24, 2021 at 11:31PM

Yeah maybe. I'm mostly trying to figure out what labels to use to explain myself to potential partners. If ur friend is on reddit tell her to say hello! January 24, 2021 at 11:31PM

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, and I hope you’re doing well. I’m proud of you for accepting yourself, and if you ever need to vent to someone you can PM me if you’d like January 24, 2021 at 11:29PM

Hey I am really new to learning about this but it seems like maybe the labels are getting in your head. Maybe you should wait to latch into something for sure. You got time. I just made an ace friend recently which is why I'm here and she sounds a lot like you tbh. January 24, 2021 at 11:29PM

Thank you, this makes sense and helps me have a greater understanding. January 24, 2021 at 11:29PM

Oh I completely understand people find fulfillment in different ways. I agree that cheating is a selfish act. I appreciate you taking time to help me understand January 24, 2021 at 11:27PM

No one said you can't wear sweaters or jeans to be ace. It's pretty generic. But It's a nice thought. January 24, 2021 at 11:23PM

Are you thinking of hyposexual disorders? I think there was some confusion about if asexuality was a manifestation of those, but the DSM-5 states that asexual=/=hyposexual, longer post about it here . January 24, 2021 at 11:20PM

Thank you for sharing this information. January 24, 2021 at 11:20PM