Buy gold, bye! December 22, 2020 at 11:56PM

Huh, that…makes a lot of sense. My gaydar is also terrible, and (as with you) tends to be more “wishful thinking” than actual gaydar. December 22, 2020 at 11:53PM

I can relate to this and I've been in almost identical position in my life. After lots of thinking and research now I know that people like me and you totally can describe themselves as asexuals, becouse asexuality isn't the same for everyone. Asexuality is not feeling (or rarely feeling) sexual attraction to other people, how that affects you describes what type of asexual are you. There is no list of requirements that you must meet to be asexual. December 22, 2020 at 11:52PM

Thank you bunches!!! December 22, 2020 at 11:50PM

Is there a non-insult variation for it though? December 22, 2020 at 11:48PM

I'm sorry to hear that. I have some friends who went through that too, so I know it's hard to recover from. Honestly, I don't know how trauma affects sexual attraction (or the lack thereof). My sister is a child psychologist - maybe I should ask her someday. The two friends I mentioned do not consider themselves asexual. In fact, when I told one of them about me, she emphatically insisted she wasn't like that. You're the only person who can say for sure who you are. Not your mom, not your therapist, not me or anyone else on this sub. Only you. But figuring yourself out can be complicated and can take time. It may even change over the course of your life. Let yourself feel what you're feeling, and see where that takes you. December 22, 2020 at 11:48PM

After I came to terms with my sexuality, I was pretty resigned to being permanently single. I'm pretty independent, but I hate that all my friends have partners to rely on and I'm left changing my own tire on the side of the highway. However.. my cousin started dating this guy who had a firm line in the sand of "no sex period" and while it didn't work out for them, I'm getting to know him because I think he's one of us. December 22, 2020 at 11:47PM

It's not good for anyone involved to fantasize about being a sexual minority. December 22, 2020 at 11:47PM

Understandable. It’s hard because I feel like some skepticism is natural (when I haven’t heard of something I’m often pretty skeptical too) but people will use that skepticism to justify saying/asking some really hurtful and insensitive things. December 22, 2020 at 11:47PM

I’m not sure if this will apply to you, but the way you’re saying maybe instead of being really sure is something I did for a really long time. I thought “maybe” I enjoyed sex in the moment or thought maybe I found someone attractive, but I realized that it’s really easy for most other people to answer that question and I was conditioned to think I should so I was trying to rationalize that I was. All of the people I’ve talked to that aren’t ace can definitely say they think about and actively want sex and find people sexually attractive, so you might be ace! But coming to a conclusion is someone you still have to do by yourself :) December 22, 2020 at 11:43PM

I did experience sexual assault as a child, which is why this is so confusing for me! It’s hard for me to say whether it’s just that experience or if I would have been this way regardless. But I mean...even if it is trauma related, the lack of wanting the physical intimacy is still there so....I’m not sure. Does it still count? I just felt like my mom was invalidating me a bit because it could just be trauma based. December 22, 2020 at 11:42PM

Mood, I literally forgot it was a thing I was expected to do. Going into my second Yr of uni, I was taking to some friends going into their first year talking about 'I need to bring these clothes for going on dates' and my brain was just" ??? Was I meant to be doing that? Whoops, oh well." If things turn out that way I'll have a relationship but idk its not exactly a priority lol December 22, 2020 at 11:42PM

i hate to be the one to break it to you but high school relationships and sex is normal. that's the age where people start becoming mature enough for these things. i can confirm as a high schooler that knows several couples in healthy relationships December 22, 2020 at 11:39PM

If it was "trauma," it would be because something traumatic had happened to you, like abuse or rape. Just being scared of something doesn't count as "trauma." You say "the desire is there," but you don't want it to go beyond yourself. I can relate to that. But you're the only person who gets to say whether you're asexual. The rest of us can only guess. Give yourself time, and see what you feel beyond the fear. December 22, 2020 at 11:38PM

THIS. Idk why it’s the BIGGEST turn off (lmao) when someone looks overly sexy in their pics, but it makes me kind of recoil. I guess there’s just so much of a disconnect because I physically can’t relate? December 22, 2020 at 11:38PM

I completely relate to this!!! I was so confused for so long and couldn’t “figure out” my sexual orientation because I had romantic feelings for people regardless of gender, but when it comes to sexual thoughts and the actual act of sex is such a chore. It kind of feels like an obligation and I “should do it” and get it over with? I even have had thoughts like “well I had sex this week” or whatever and was relieved that it meant that I could go awhile without it and still be perceived as having a normal sex life for someone in their 20s. And the part you said about taking care of it quickly and efficiently when you’re horny is 100% me. Idk how I didn’t realize I was ace when I physically couldn’t look at porn and didn’t realize people actually got turned on by it? I literally to this day if I want to masturbate just watch tv or YouTube lmao December 22, 2020 at 11:35PM

Having a headstart with this logic being aroace and being completely content with never being in a relationship feels great. December 22, 2020 at 11:35PM

Same for books as well. My book club just read Wonder and I was like, are these kids really ten years old and obsessed with dating?? There's so many plots that make disinterest in dating look uNuSuAl. December 22, 2020 at 11:33PM

I was in the situation so many fucking times in high school. It was so awkward December 22, 2020 at 11:33PM

I mean I knew there were supposed to turn me own, but I didn't think about the fact that they didn't turn me on until now. I will say that the one that confuses me is the sexy gum comerical where the peice of gum takes off it's outlayer and does like a sexy walk or something like that. December 22, 2020 at 11:32PM

Yeee one of my married friends has a daughter who causes allot of chaos but we still manage to do wow dungeons and dnd every week, it's mostly just about making friends who will put effort into managing their time really December 22, 2020 at 11:32PM

oh i knew! when they were together the media acted like harry was the “lead.” plus he had the most scandals so i knew. but i also thought zayn would pop out too! at least into modeling or something December 22, 2020 at 11:23PM

Normal? What's considered normal? The majority? Then yes we are not "normal" but that's not the point. Everyone is weird to different perspectives. If your allo of course we seem wired and so do you to us because if lack of understanding. Doesn't mean we shouldn't be accepting people, respect doesn't have to come from understanding, it can come from empathy or just accepting people are build different. December 22, 2020 at 11:20PM