Been dating over a year, still hasn't said the L word

Hello people of DOT,

I am feeling a mix of emotions regarding the current situation I am in and could really benefit from hearing your opinion.

I have been dating this guy for a year now. Things started off very casual and we kept it very private for the first few months. Ideally, I wanted a relationship, but at the time, I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and realized I needed to do some personal growth and heal my own wounds before I could be ready to be in another relationship. I also realized from very early on that he had some mild commitment issues. But I enjoyed my time with him and he is a good person, so we agreed to keep things casual but we also established sexual exclusivity.

At around month 3 or 4, he started introducing me to his circle of close friends and within the last month, I met his parents; he's also met mine already. A few weeks ago I confessed that I was starting to develop feelings for him and that I wanted to see if he felt the same way. He seemed a bit hesitant to convey his emotions but said that he really cares about me but wasn't sure about saying "I love you" yet. Honestly, his reaction crushed me because from my perspective, a year is more than enough time to know whether you love someone and whether or not you see yourself pursuing a more serious relationship with this person. He asked me to keep things the way they are and give him more time to get there emotionally, but lately I've started to feel resentment as every time I ask for reassurance, he makes me feel silly for even asking. Don't get me wrong, he does make me feel valued with other gestures like cooking for me, spending quality time with me, being exclusive with me, and introducing me to his friends. But I don't think my emotional needs are being met. Every time I've tried to get him to talk about his feelings towards me or taking things to the next level, he seems hesitant.

Am I wasting my time here or should I give this guy a bit more time to let his feelings grow on his terms? A part of me is afraid of becoming the person who loves harder. I don't need to hear him say I love you every single day, but the fact that he hasn't said it yet makes me feel vulnerable and confused.

​

If anybody here has been in a similar situation, I would greatly appreciate if you share your experience.

​

Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who dropped by and shared their experiences and thoughts. I truly appreciate you took the time to do so and I have gained much more clarity about my situation because of that.



Submitted May 15, 2019 at 06:30PM

Hello people of DOT,I am feeling a mix of emotions regarding the current situation I am in and could really benefit from hearing your opinion.I have been dating this guy for a year now. Things started off very casual and we kept it very private for the first few months. Ideally, I wanted a relationship, but at the time, I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and realized I needed to do some personal growth and heal my own wounds before I could be ready to be in another relationship. I also realized from very early on that he had some mild commitment issues. But I enjoyed my time with him and he is a good person, so we agreed to keep things casual but we also established sexual exclusivity.At around month 3 or 4, he started introducing me to his circle of close friends and within the last month, I met his parents; he's also met mine already. A few weeks ago I confessed that I was starting to develop feelings for him and that I wanted to see if he felt the same way. He seemed a bit hesitant to convey his emotions but said that he really cares about me but wasn't sure about saying "I love you" yet. Honestly, his reaction crushed me because from my perspective, a year is more than enough time to know whether you love someone and whether or not you see yourself pursuing a more serious relationship with this person. He asked me to keep things the way they are and give him more time to get there emotionally, but lately I've started to feel resentment as every time I ask for reassurance, he makes me feel silly for even asking. Don't get me wrong, he does make me feel valued with other gestures like cooking for me, spending quality time with me, being exclusive with me, and introducing me to his friends. But I don't think my emotional needs are being met. Every time I've tried to get him to talk about his feelings towards me or taking things to the next level, he seems hesitant.Am I wasting my time here or should I give this guy a bit more time to let his feelings grow on his terms? A part of me is afraid of becoming the person who loves harder. I don't need to hear him say I love you every single day, but the fact that he hasn't said it yet makes me feel vulnerable and confused.​If anybody here has been in a similar situation, I would greatly appreciate if you share your experience.​Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who dropped by and shared their experiences and thoughts. I truly appreciate you took the time to do so and I have gained much more clarity about my situation because of that.
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