this is not a date. right?

Some time ago, I met this man. After we were slightly better acquainted, he asked me out. I told him I wasn't interested, but would be happy to get to know him better as a friend if he was ok with this. He took the rejection well (actually when he asked and I hesitated, he said it's ok if I said no), and we continued to be friendly, but never actually spent time together.

Anyway, we were talking about a shared interest recently, and we went to an event together, and grabbed coffee after (which he tried to pay for). He did acknowledge again what I had said about friendship, and seemed respectful of my boundaries. He asked to meet up again the next week for dinner, which I agreed to.

The conversation we had at dinner seemed very date-like, including asking about previous relationships, if I was currently dating (I told him I was taking a long undetermined break and vaguely hinted at past traumas. I'm just a (stupidly?) honest person with regards to these things), etc. Much deeper than say any conversation I would have with a friend whom I wasn't kinda of close to. But then again I'm the sort of person who doesn't voluntarily open up much to people whom I don't know well.

After dinner, we texted back and forth a little bit for a few days. We usually see each other 2-3 times a month since we are both part of a certain organization - where our interactions are limited to hi/bye/how was your week. When I met him there again a few days after the dinner, he asked if I wanted to meet him again the next weekend for dinner again. I mentioned that I wouldn't be able to as I was going to be abroad for work. His face fell, and it took him several seconds to respond that it was ok, and then continuing the conversation about my work trip.

Am I wrong in thinking that he is still definitely interested in me romantically, even though he has verbally acknowledged my boundaries? Being interested is still fine honestly, but I would also want to know so I can decide how I want to move forward with the friendship. I enjoy our conversations, but really don't want anything more at least any time in the near future that I am willing to think about (which he knows about). Should I bring this up again the next time we meet up again, and have an actual conversation with him about where he stands etc? (I feel like the answer is a yes, if we do meet up one-on-one again) I know he's not seeing anyone at the moment, so perhaps I'm just filling a void temporarily.

It's just that in my adult life, I have dealt with a lot of men who just won't respect boundaries and that's really affected how I deal with such situations sometimes - in that my anxiety just really clouds and affects my judgements and thoughts. (and yes, therapy would be great, but also have not been able to find a good one at this point.) So just need outsider perspectives to help me out. Thanks.



Submitted May 16, 2019 at 04:57AM

Some time ago, I met this man. After we were slightly better acquainted, he asked me out. I told him I wasn't interested, but would be happy to get to know him better as a friend if he was ok with this. He took the rejection well (actually when he asked and I hesitated, he said it's ok if I said no), and we continued to be friendly, but never actually spent time together.Anyway, we were talking about a shared interest recently, and we went to an event together, and grabbed coffee after (which he tried to pay for). He did acknowledge again what I had said about friendship, and seemed respectful of my boundaries. He asked to meet up again the next week for dinner, which I agreed to.The conversation we had at dinner seemed very date-like, including asking about previous relationships, if I was currently dating (I told him I was taking a long undetermined break and vaguely hinted at past traumas. I'm just a (stupidly?) honest person with regards to these things), etc. Much deeper than say any conversation I would have with a friend whom I wasn't kinda of close to. But then again I'm the sort of person who doesn't voluntarily open up much to people whom I don't know well.After dinner, we texted back and forth a little bit for a few days. We usually see each other 2-3 times a month since we are both part of a certain organization - where our interactions are limited to hi/bye/how was your week. When I met him there again a few days after the dinner, he asked if I wanted to meet him again the next weekend for dinner again. I mentioned that I wouldn't be able to as I was going to be abroad for work. His face fell, and it took him several seconds to respond that it was ok, and then continuing the conversation about my work trip.Am I wrong in thinking that he is still definitely interested in me romantically, even though he has verbally acknowledged my boundaries? Being interested is still fine honestly, but I would also want to know so I can decide how I want to move forward with the friendship. I enjoy our conversations, but really don't want anything more at least any time in the near future that I am willing to think about (which he knows about). Should I bring this up again the next time we meet up again, and have an actual conversation with him about where he stands etc? (I feel like the answer is a yes, if we do meet up one-on-one again) I know he's not seeing anyone at the moment, so perhaps I'm just filling a void temporarily.It's just that in my adult life, I have dealt with a lot of men who just won't respect boundaries and that's really affected how I deal with such situations sometimes - in that my anxiety just really clouds and affects my judgements and thoughts. (and yes, therapy would be great, but also have not been able to find a good one at this point.) So just need outsider perspectives to help me out. Thanks.
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