My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem.

We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet.

As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriousness I cannot give at the moment. We fight rather frequently and I'm beginning to feel that this all is more than I can handle. All this to say, I'm no saint. I'm dealing with familiar depression and a level of coldness and difficulty to connect or feel what I should about someone I want to pursue a life with. I can be irritable and impatient. I have growing to do and I admit that. She tries so hard and deserves more than I feel capable of giving.

Her age (though not much different from mine, yet worlds apart as well) and idea that she needs to be at a certain place in her life at the moment is pressing on me. I dont know if my issue is inability to connect due to depression that has plagued me for a while, or being burned badly by a few prior women, one of who I was about to propose to and was ready to start a life with. That loss made me realize that I need to be more before I take that step with someone. Or if it is that simply we are not the people for each other.

We have had near relationships ending fights around twice a month and sometimes more, but every time I'm ready to call it off, we talk it all out and she becomes conceding and lovely and I truly do love her and do not want to cause her any pain, so I stay. She has nearly called it quits too, but always goes back on her decision. We have so much fun together, but I just dont know if this is something that needs work to flourish, or if its toxic. I just want perspective.

Tldr: I'm just not sure about this relationship, and how to fix it and better it, or how to end it with love and compassion

Submitted April 25, 2019 at 05:52AM

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem.We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet.As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriousness I cannot give at the moment. We fight rather frequently and I'm beginning to feel that this all is more than I can handle. All this to say, I'm no saint. I'm dealing with familiar depression and a level of coldness and difficulty to connect or feel what I should about someone I want to pursue a life with. I can be irritable and impatient. I have growing to do and I admit that. She tries so hard and deserves more than I feel capable of giving.Her age (though not much different from mine, yet worlds apart as well) and idea that she needs to be at a certain place in her life at the moment is pressing on me. I dont know if my issue is inability to connect due to depression that has plagued me for a while, or being burned badly by a few prior women, one of who I was about to propose to and was ready to start a life with. That loss made me realize that I need to be more before I take that step with someone. Or if it is that simply we are not the people for each other.We have had near relationships ending fights around twice a month and sometimes more, but every time I'm ready to call it off, we talk it all out and she becomes conceding and lovely and I truly do love her and do not want to cause her any pain, so I stay. She has nearly called it quits too, but always goes back on her decision. We have so much fun together, but I just dont know if this is something that needs work to flourish, or if its toxic. I just want perspective.Tldr: I'm just not sure about this relationship, and how to fix it and better it, or how to end it with love and compassion