My(38F) ex(38M) wants to be friends but it hurts too much...

While we were dating, he told me so many stories of past women, it was clear he's a serial dater. That is, he dates non-stop and sleeps with most of them. He even told me he would have just kept doing this if he hadn't been with me. He also wouldn't remove his dating profiles for a long time after we were together. He's met 90% of his friends on dating apps, etc. It bothered me when we were together because I was married for 12 years and I don't understand. He was also into BDSM (I tried, but I am not), had been a secondary in a relationship with a woman who is poly, etc. I ended the relationship because he kept trying to push the boundaries of what would be considered "cheating." There were some things I was ok with (him kissing someone else), but some I was definitely not and he kept violating those boundaries, so, obviously, no good.

However, he was what I needed in all other ways - showering me with gifts, cards, kind words, etc. even after we BU at the end of December and I cutoff contact to detach a bit. We started to talk again at the end of February/early March and started hanging out and sleeping together a couple times.

Silly me, I thought maybe he could somehow be a more casual relationship or FWB for a bit. He was still showering me with kind words and flowers and support. Then he let me know he is dating (several) new people. Which, of course, hurt. So I cut off contact again. Then, in a moment of weakness reached out again, only to be told he was literally unavailable because he was sleeping with another person.

He has had boundary issues always - letting his exes blend into his personal life in a weird way, maintaining friendships with them, reaching out, basically being an emotional boyfriend to all of them somehow. I think he's probably poly and won't admit it and I miss him in my life (and so do my kids). I could probably get past the hurt, but, to be honest, I want to get him back and "teach him a lesson" by cutting off contact. I really want him to be all mine. I don't want to share him and I can't commit, so clearly I'm a possessive hypocrite who keeps setting herself up for hurt. Set me straight, please. I'm obviously weak.



Submitted April 24, 2019 at 11:37PM

While we were dating, he told me so many stories of past women, it was clear he's a serial dater. That is, he dates non-stop and sleeps with most of them. He even told me he would have just kept doing this if he hadn't been with me. He also wouldn't remove his dating profiles for a long time after we were together. He's met 90% of his friends on dating apps, etc. It bothered me when we were together because I was married for 12 years and I don't understand. He was also into BDSM (I tried, but I am not), had been a secondary in a relationship with a woman who is poly, etc. I ended the relationship because he kept trying to push the boundaries of what would be considered "cheating." There were some things I was ok with (him kissing someone else), but some I was definitely not and he kept violating those boundaries, so, obviously, no good.However, he was what I needed in all other ways - showering me with gifts, cards, kind words, etc. even after we BU at the end of December and I cutoff contact to detach a bit. We started to talk again at the end of February/early March and started hanging out and sleeping together a couple times.Silly me, I thought maybe he could somehow be a more casual relationship or FWB for a bit. He was still showering me with kind words and flowers and support. Then he let me know he is dating (several) new people. Which, of course, hurt. So I cut off contact again. Then, in a moment of weakness reached out again, only to be told he was literally unavailable because he was sleeping with another person.He has had boundary issues always - letting his exes blend into his personal life in a weird way, maintaining friendships with them, reaching out, basically being an emotional boyfriend to all of them somehow. I think he's probably poly and won't admit it and I miss him in my life (and so do my kids). I could probably get past the hurt, but, to be honest, I want to get him back and "teach him a lesson" by cutting off contact. I really want him to be all mine. I don't want to share him and I can't commit, so clearly I'm a possessive hypocrite who keeps setting herself up for hurt. Set me straight, please. I'm obviously weak.
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