My boyfriend (25 m) is ready to get engaged. I (23 f) can’t seperate unreadiness from fear of the unknown.

Backstory: My boyfriend (25 m) and I (23 f) have been together for just over two years. We met in college right before he graduated, and have been long distance (about 4 hour drive) for 95% of our relationship. He comes from a well-off family with no divorces, while I grew up in a poor family with divorces in every couple in my immediate/extended family, including my parents’, which definitely screwed with my perception of marriage.

A few months ago, BF told me he knows I’m the one and ask how I felt about getting engaged. I told him I wanted to wait a little, and since then, we’ve had multiple discussions regarding concerns, money, living arrangements, the whole nine yards. Overall he’s been super awesome about the whole thing. He told me to give it thought and we’ve talk about it often.

Since his initial proposal, I’ve gone back and forth about how I feel. Whether or not I want to marry him is not the problem- BF has been by my side through some of the hardest years of my life, and despite all trials and tribulations, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. My troubles come with trying figure out if I’m just nervous, or if I’m not ready to take this step.

A lot of my concerns are the fear that we haven’t checked off enough metaphorical boxes. Due to being long distance, we won’t be able to live together until 2021 at the earliest, which is his ideal wedding year. His work is unpredictable, and I’m in my last years of college, so it’s difficult to know what’s down the line. Not to mention my parents’ divorce left me insecure about if marriages can actually work. I’m actively working on making sure we’re open and aware of potential conflict, but so much is unknown. I’ve tried talking to family about my feelings, but it’s hard to get unbiased opinions given my parents’ divorce.

Obviously committing to one person for life is a huge step and there are a lot of unknowns. I want to make sure I’m the best poss or person I can be for my BF and that we are prepared for a big change. In your experience, is there a way to separate normal nerves from “I’m not ready” nerves?

TLDR: boyfriend is ready to get engaged. How do I know if I’m ready?

Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:57AM

Backstory: My boyfriend (25 m) and I (23 f) have been together for just over two years. We met in college right before he graduated, and have been long distance (about 4 hour drive) for 95% of our relationship. He comes from a well-off family with no divorces, while I grew up in a poor family with divorces in every couple in my immediate/extended family, including my parents’, which definitely screwed with my perception of marriage.A few months ago, BF told me he knows I’m the one and ask how I felt about getting engaged. I told him I wanted to wait a little, and since then, we’ve had multiple discussions regarding concerns, money, living arrangements, the whole nine yards. Overall he’s been super awesome about the whole thing. He told me to give it thought and we’ve talk about it often.Since his initial proposal, I’ve gone back and forth about how I feel. Whether or not I want to marry him is not the problem- BF has been by my side through some of the hardest years of my life, and despite all trials and tribulations, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. My troubles come with trying figure out if I’m just nervous, or if I’m not ready to take this step.A lot of my concerns are the fear that we haven’t checked off enough metaphorical boxes. Due to being long distance, we won’t be able to live together until 2021 at the earliest, which is his ideal wedding year. His work is unpredictable, and I’m in my last years of college, so it’s difficult to know what’s down the line. Not to mention my parents’ divorce left me insecure about if marriages can actually work. I’m actively working on making sure we’re open and aware of potential conflict, but so much is unknown. I’ve tried talking to family about my feelings, but it’s hard to get unbiased opinions given my parents’ divorce.Obviously committing to one person for life is a huge step and there are a lot of unknowns. I want to make sure I’m the best poss or person I can be for my BF and that we are prepared for a big change. In your experience, is there a way to separate normal nerves from “I’m not ready” nerves?TLDR: boyfriend is ready to get engaged. How do I know if I’m ready?