I need a reality check.

I (32 F) have been single for about 5 years. In that time I have been on various OLD apps and met several people "organically" through work, friends, at parties, etc. I am extremely motivated in my career and have been successful, am smart, funny, stylish, a good flirt, a great friend, and more or less, I think, a "total package" on paper.

Looks-wise, I'm not super hot, but I have great hair and a nice smile and know how to get my hair and makeup right, dress well and stylishly/appropriate for my age and body type. I am sort of right in between regular and plus size, definitely on the curvy side (think adele body type) but I work out, eat healthy, and am comfortable in my own skin.

I've been comfortable on my own being single for a while now, but as I get older it's gotten to the point where most, probably 90%, of my friends are in serious relationships or married with kids. I'm starting to feel lonely and like there's something wrong with me but I am not sure what it could be. The things I keep coming back to when I think about why I'm single are:

A) I'm too picky? My standards for a relationship are pretty general - someone smart who cares about me and who I'm attracted to. I don't have a type and can find chemistry with a wide variety of people.

B) my weight really is an issue and I'm in denial. Sure, I could probably stand to lose 30 lbs, but I work very hard and honestly would rather spend my free time living life rather than on the treadmill. I try to work physical activity into my hobbies and do go to the gym when I can, but I feel good in my body.

I guess my questions are:

1) did any of you go through a prolonged period of being alone and eventually find someone? Is there hope or will I always be the single childless friend?

2) is my body type really that repulsive to men? Plenty of men seem to want to have sex with me but I wonder if they just think I'm worth a fuck but not being in a relationship with a bigger woman?

3) is there any advice on how I can change my attitude or approach? I wish I could just forget about it and live my life with a "whatever happens happens" approach but I am getting more anxious and sad every time I'm the only single person at the dinner party.

Any insight would be appreciated. :(



Submitted April 24, 2019 at 06:35PM

I (32 F) have been single for about 5 years. In that time I have been on various OLD apps and met several people "organically" through work, friends, at parties, etc. I am extremely motivated in my career and have been successful, am smart, funny, stylish, a good flirt, a great friend, and more or less, I think, a "total package" on paper.Looks-wise, I'm not super hot, but I have great hair and a nice smile and know how to get my hair and makeup right, dress well and stylishly/appropriate for my age and body type. I am sort of right in between regular and plus size, definitely on the curvy side (think adele body type) but I work out, eat healthy, and am comfortable in my own skin.I've been comfortable on my own being single for a while now, but as I get older it's gotten to the point where most, probably 90%, of my friends are in serious relationships or married with kids. I'm starting to feel lonely and like there's something wrong with me but I am not sure what it could be. The things I keep coming back to when I think about why I'm single are:A) I'm too picky? My standards for a relationship are pretty general - someone smart who cares about me and who I'm attracted to. I don't have a type and can find chemistry with a wide variety of people.B) my weight really is an issue and I'm in denial. Sure, I could probably stand to lose 30 lbs, but I work very hard and honestly would rather spend my free time living life rather than on the treadmill. I try to work physical activity into my hobbies and do go to the gym when I can, but I feel good in my body.I guess my questions are:1) did any of you go through a prolonged period of being alone and eventually find someone? Is there hope or will I always be the single childless friend?2) is my body type really that repulsive to men? Plenty of men seem to want to have sex with me but I wonder if they just think I'm worth a fuck but not being in a relationship with a bigger woman?3) is there any advice on how I can change my attitude or approach? I wish I could just forget about it and live my life with a "whatever happens happens" approach but I am getting more anxious and sad every time I'm the only single person at the dinner party.Any insight would be appreciated. :(
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