For people who've spent time working on themselves and now struggle with dating

My friend said something really eye-opening to me the other day. She's spent the last year intentionally single, but now that she's dating someone, old habits are flaring up. She's just having a rough time. She was down on herself about her dating life but then realized she's spent time healing her single self, not her relationship self. Learning to be independent is important, but it probably won't fix the bad habits you've had in past relationships. Love and dating require trust, vulnerability, reciprocity... behaviors that require another person. You don't get better at these skills in isolation. I think it's kind of like getting injured while playing a sport. You don't expect to be better than you were as soon as you're healthy enough to jump back in. Be patient with yourself.

Submitted May 16, 2019 at 05:35AM

My friend said something really eye-opening to me the other day. She's spent the last year intentionally single, but now that she's dating someone, old habits are flaring up. She's just having a rough time. She was down on herself about her dating life but then realized she's spent time healing her single self, not her relationship self. Learning to be independent is important, but it probably won't fix the bad habits you've had in past relationships. Love and dating require trust, vulnerability, reciprocity... behaviors that require another person. You don't get better at these skills in isolation. I think it's kind of like getting injured while playing a sport. You don't expect to be better than you were as soon as you're healthy enough to jump back in. Be patient with yourself.