I (20M) drunkenly hooked up with best friend (20F) who is the ex of another best friend (20M)

Hey r/relationship friends! Recently I've found myself in a bit of a sticky situation, and I really just want some cold hard truth about what I should have done or what I should do now. Sorry about the long post in advance! TL;DR at the bottom.

So a few days ago, I was at a classic college party with a few of my really good friends. We were drinking quite a bit, and everyone was having a pretty great evening, including one of my extremely close, recently single, lady friends who I will name Z.

Now I initially know Z because for almost 2 years she dated (on and off) one of my other really close friends, who I'll call T. While I initially knew Z bc she was in a relationship with T, Z and I developed a pretty close friendship as we hung out a lot together outside of our normal friend get-togethers. So basically, both T and Z are amazingly close friends to me for very separate reasons. This past summer though, T broke up with Z in an extremely shitty way (basically he decided to break up with her over long distance because he wanted to shag a girl he had just met and who he is now in a relationship with), and that left Z extremely devastated. All of our mutual friends who know Z and T all say that how T broke up with Z was unthinkably shitty, but even though it was, we don't hold it against him that he broke up with her. But yeah, so that was about 4 months ago that their breakup happened.

I had never really seen Z as a sexual interest at all before this night, even after T had broken up with her. But something really weird happened in my inebriated brain that night. At one point during the night, Z decided to lean over on the couch we were sitting on and hug/cuddle me very nonchalantly. In my slightly drunken state, I thought "hmm, this feels good! I'm gonna reciprocate the hug", so I put my arm around her and sorta hugged-cuddled her on the couch for awhile. I didn't really think too much of it, other than it was nice to feel that cuddly feeling with someone for a little bit (being single for a long time makes u desperate lol). After a few people started to leave the party, I decided it was time for me to leave aswell, but as I left Z decided to head out the door with me.

Z and I walked for a bit before we had to part ways, but before we did she asked if I wanted to maybe go cuddle a bit more with her at her place before I head home. You all can probably see where this is going by now. She and I head back to her place, and one thing leads to another, but before long we are hooking up with eachother. During the whole process, I started to sober up a little bit, and there were definitely points where I asked myself "Holy shit are you really this stupid? You could potentially be fucking up your friendship with Z and T right now, why are you doing this?", but I didn't really get up and leave at any point. I don't blame myself for not leaving at any point, but I do blame myself for not thinking things through fully beforehand. Her and I spent a lot of time that night talking about our feelings and we basically agreed that we both felt this was a one time thing for the sake of preserving our friendship down the line. We both don't want to feel like that could be a normal thing and that it was fun to just try it and see how we liked it, especially since to both of us, our friendship is way more important than any hookup is no matter how good it was.

But so now I'm in a really weird spot. I feel really guilty about hooking up with my best friends ex, even though to me she is a "friend" first before she's an "ex of a friend", I still feel like I betrayed T's trust by not talking with him about hooking up with Z first before I actually did it. But at the same time, I feel like because of the circumstances of their breakup, he doesn't really have a right to be upset at me for being interested in her due to how he treated her. But that just may be my brain trying to make me be the good guy with this.

It is a very big reality to me that I might have fucked up some friendships for good with my actions, but I want to know if maybe it isn't too late to dig myself out of that hole, or if I'm even in a hole to begin with. Do I talk to T about this? Do I just go on living my life hoping that he doesn't find out about it? Was what I did really so wrong?

Any sage advice from anyone who has seen similar situations before is greatly appreciated, and thank you to anyone who decided to take the time to read this post. Love u all <3.

TL;DR: Drunkenly hooked up with a close friend who is the ex of another really close friend. Now I don't know how to feel about anything regarding our friendships, and I don't know who I should tell what.

Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:42PM

Hey r/relationship friends! Recently I've found myself in a bit of a sticky situation, and I really just want some cold hard truth about what I should have done or what I should do now. Sorry about the long post in advance! TL;DR at the bottom.So a few days ago, I was at a classic college party with a few of my really good friends. We were drinking quite a bit, and everyone was having a pretty great evening, including one of my extremely close, recently single, lady friends who I will name Z.Now I initially know Z because for almost 2 years she dated (on and off) one of my other really close friends, who I'll call T. While I initially knew Z bc she was in a relationship with T, Z and I developed a pretty close friendship as we hung out a lot together outside of our normal friend get-togethers. So basically, both T and Z are amazingly close friends to me for very separate reasons. This past summer though, T broke up with Z in an extremely shitty way (basically he decided to break up with her over long distance because he wanted to shag a girl he had just met and who he is now in a relationship with), and that left Z extremely devastated. All of our mutual friends who know Z and T all say that how T broke up with Z was unthinkably shitty, but even though it was, we don't hold it against him that he broke up with her. But yeah, so that was about 4 months ago that their breakup happened.I had never really seen Z as a sexual interest at all before this night, even after T had broken up with her. But something really weird happened in my inebriated brain that night. At one point during the night, Z decided to lean over on the couch we were sitting on and hug/cuddle me very nonchalantly. In my slightly drunken state, I thought "hmm, this feels good! I'm gonna reciprocate the hug", so I put my arm around her and sorta hugged-cuddled her on the couch for awhile. I didn't really think too much of it, other than it was nice to feel that cuddly feeling with someone for a little bit (being single for a long time makes u desperate lol). After a few people started to leave the party, I decided it was time for me to leave aswell, but as I left Z decided to head out the door with me.Z and I walked for a bit before we had to part ways, but before we did she asked if I wanted to maybe go cuddle a bit more with her at her place before I head home. You all can probably see where this is going by now. She and I head back to her place, and one thing leads to another, but before long we are hooking up with eachother. During the whole process, I started to sober up a little bit, and there were definitely points where I asked myself "Holy shit are you really this stupid? You could potentially be fucking up your friendship with Z and T right now, why are you doing this?", but I didn't really get up and leave at any point. I don't blame myself for not leaving at any point, but I do blame myself for not thinking things through fully beforehand. Her and I spent a lot of time that night talking about our feelings and we basically agreed that we both felt this was a one time thing for the sake of preserving our friendship down the line. We both don't want to feel like that could be a normal thing and that it was fun to just try it and see how we liked it, especially since to both of us, our friendship is way more important than any hookup is no matter how good it was.But so now I'm in a really weird spot. I feel really guilty about hooking up with my best friends ex, even though to me she is a "friend" first before she's an "ex of a friend", I still feel like I betrayed T's trust by not talking with him about hooking up with Z first before I actually did it. But at the same time, I feel like because of the circumstances of their breakup, he doesn't really have a right to be upset at me for being interested in her due to how he treated her. But that just may be my brain trying to make me be the good guy with this.It is a very big reality to me that I might have fucked up some friendships for good with my actions, but I want to know if maybe it isn't too late to dig myself out of that hole, or if I'm even in a hole to begin with. Do I talk to T about this? Do I just go on living my life hoping that he doesn't find out about it? Was what I did really so wrong?Any sage advice from anyone who has seen similar situations before is greatly appreciated, and thank you to anyone who decided to take the time to read this post. Love u all <3.TL;DR: Drunkenly hooked up with a close friend who is the ex of another really close friend. Now I don't know how to feel about anything regarding our friendships, and I don't know who I should tell what.