I (M20) woke up and fell out of love with my girlfriend (F21)

TL;DR I feel like I'm lying to this wonderful woman because our ideals don't line up and our futures don't align.

Using my throwaway because if anyone found out it could be a problem.

Let me get one thing straight that I found on a lot of websites outlining signs of a bad relationship. Neither one of us is treating the other like crap, neither one of us is failing to perform our end of the deal. She can be clingy sometimes and I can be be demanding, but we've never fought about it or even really worried. On the surface, our relationship seems ideal.

And I feel like an impostor.

One day, I woke up and thought, "I'm not proud of us," and it has been plaguing me for a while. For the longest time, we didn't think much about the future, but now that college is ending for the both of us, real life is just around the corner, and I'm not sure we'll be able to work it out.

We refuse to talk about the big issues, things we take stances on. I'm a very black and white type of person, responsible in part to my conservative upbringing. She is incredibly liberal and compassionate (something I fell for early on), refusing to take a stance on either side. She believes everyone can be right in their own way, something I don't believe as a more religious person (not here to debate theology, just to ask for advice).

My family in part has pressured me in part to make a decision sooner rather than later, a good call if we look at it objectively, but my friends seem to say that if there isn't an immediate problem that I should just stick with it and not hurt her, something I really don't want to do. I love her, I really do, but a big part of me casts doubt every time she brings up the future, a future I just cannot see.

There's no clean way to do this if I did decide to go through with it. Friends would take sides and I'd likely lose some. From the outside, there seems to be no good reason to split, but the difference in ideology is killing me.

Should I go through with it? Should I not? Should I wait until a certain time to do it, like the end of a school year? Should I do it now? Any help is appreciated.



Submitted October 14, 2019 at 11:44PM

TL;DR I feel like I'm lying to this wonderful woman because our ideals don't line up and our futures don't align.Using my throwaway because if anyone found out it could be a problem.Let me get one thing straight that I found on a lot of websites outlining signs of a bad relationship. Neither one of us is treating the other like crap, neither one of us is failing to perform our end of the deal. She can be clingy sometimes and I can be be demanding, but we've never fought about it or even really worried. On the surface, our relationship seems ideal.And I feel like an impostor.One day, I woke up and thought, "I'm not proud of us," and it has been plaguing me for a while. For the longest time, we didn't think much about the future, but now that college is ending for the both of us, real life is just around the corner, and I'm not sure we'll be able to work it out.We refuse to talk about the big issues, things we take stances on. I'm a very black and white type of person, responsible in part to my conservative upbringing. She is incredibly liberal and compassionate (something I fell for early on), refusing to take a stance on either side. She believes everyone can be right in their own way, something I don't believe as a more religious person (not here to debate theology, just to ask for advice).My family in part has pressured me in part to make a decision sooner rather than later, a good call if we look at it objectively, but my friends seem to say that if there isn't an immediate problem that I should just stick with it and not hurt her, something I really don't want to do. I love her, I really do, but a big part of me casts doubt every time she brings up the future, a future I just cannot see.There's no clean way to do this if I did decide to go through with it. Friends would take sides and I'd likely lose some. From the outside, there seems to be no good reason to split, but the difference in ideology is killing me.Should I go through with it? Should I not? Should I wait until a certain time to do it, like the end of a school year? Should I do it now? Any help is appreciated.
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