Feeling so unsure about everything, and my husband is very indifferent. I don't know how to talk to him about things that are bothering me. TLDR at bottom

I'm not sure where to start... I'm so overwhelmed by a lot of things lately, but today was kind of a tipping point. I'm sorry this ended up so long, but I'm really at a loss of what to do.

My husband messaged me from work telling me he had to get a covid test because we recently returned from a trip where we flew in commercial planes. (But apparently it's just for paperwork because they're allowing him to keep going to work the whole time, and by the time he gets the results it will have been almost two weeks anyway.) So he asks me to call the local pharmacy and set up an appointment for him. I called, and was told to go online. So I figured since he has time to message me back and forth about it, he could do that. But he asked me to do that too. Then there were no times, so he wanted me to call the urgent care to see if they had tests left. He ended up having to go to one 30 minutes away, and he had my dad drive him after work.

I'm pissed for several reasons. He KNOWS that I am sensitive about pretty much anything covid related. I didn't mind making one phone call for him, but when it was pretty clear he had the time at work to do it all himself I started to get irritated. I told him I wish he hadn't even mentioned it to me. I am supposed to be starting work at the same place (a small company where basically everyone is friends) tomorrow. I had plans to be relatively productive today and just do a lot of things that I enjoy and that help me relax because I'm nervous about starting a new job. Instead I slept for 4 hours after he called me, feeling too stressed out to function. My reaction might sound silly, but I can't help it. He knows I have anxiety when it comes to this topic, and that all the new rules and restrictions popping up everywhere make me anxious and frustrated. I was considering disenrolling from college (which I'm supposed to start in a few weeks) because they're doing asymptomatic covid testing, and I'm that afraid of the test.

This man is 29 years old and he got MY DAD to drive him because he wasn't too familiar with the area he was going to. I have always been raised to be very independent. Right now we are living with my dad because of unexpected financial changes. But while we have both been saving money, every time I bring up the idea out moving back into a place of our own he says, "well that would be the end of us saving money". We have enough saved to get an apartment or a small house, so I don't know at what point hell feel like we saved enough. He has been hesitant to do pretty much anything that normal adults do since the beginning of our relationship, and we've been together almost 4 years, married for 3. I have always dealt with our previous landlord and he would just send his portion of the rent to my account. I had to badger him into getting a credit card, changing his car registration from the previous owner's name to his, and I have been trying to get him to go to the dentist for a year now. I actually asked for him to go for my birthday but I don't think it's going to happen. He is never willing to try to figure anything out on his own. If he asks for help, he wants me to do it, not just tell him how to. At this point it's driving me crazy. I thought he was getting better, but after today I feel really discouraged.

When he finally got home today I tried telling him the I wish he had just don't what he had to do without involving me because he knew it would stress me out. I told him that I'm irritated that he had me do all the calling around and then he couldn't even drive himself there. I told him that I'm so frustrated, and no I have to work with him and I'm stuck even if I don't like the work because it would make him look bad if I didn't go through with it or left after he recommended me. He kind of mumbled something unintelligible and hasn't spoken the hour since. I feel like I'm living with a child and the it's always going to be this way. I don't know how to talk to him when he acts like he doesn't care.

I am supposed to be going back to school for the first time in 8 years, and I was so close to disenrolling because I wanted to just focus on the job and not be stressed by the school's politics abd new policies. But now I'm not sure because the money I will get from the GI Bill is pretty substantial, and with how I'm feeling right now I feel like I will want ask the work distracting me from how hopeless I feel. I feel like I want to be able to someday tell him, "Either you get yourself together, we move out of here, and you start acting like an adult, or I go do my own thing."

I love him very very much and when we are good we are really good and over the moon happy together, but when issues come up he shuts down and won't talk, and I feel like I just need to get out of here. I've felt this way before, but the thought of things not working between us kills me, and it always gets better. But so far he has not really changed much overall. How can I even begin to talk to him about all of this??

TLDR: My (26F) husband (29M) keeps showing me that he doesn't care about becoming an independent adult, or about us being and independent couple again, and he won't talk to me about it when I try to tell him that his behavior is really making me feel hopeless about our future and confirming every single doubt I had years ago. I am at a crossroads with my own future. I'm starting a new job (where he works) AND supposed to be going back to school full time. I am very on the fence about all that too and he is just very indifferent when I express my concerns. I used to be a very emotionally strong person until I started opening up to him when we first got together 4 years ago, and I'm starting to regret learning to look for his opinion and his reassurance. The idea of splitting up kills me inside, and I don't know how to talk to him and actually get through to him and get him to talk back without hurting his feelings. I also don't want to start my new job where he works when I'm mad at him and he isn't talking to me.

Submitted July 29, 2020 at 11:45PM

I'm not sure where to start... I'm so overwhelmed by a lot of things lately, but today was kind of a tipping point. I'm sorry this ended up so long, but I'm really at a loss of what to do.My husband messaged me from work telling me he had to get a covid test because we recently returned from a trip where we flew in commercial planes. (But apparently it's just for paperwork because they're allowing him to keep going to work the whole time, and by the time he gets the results it will have been almost two weeks anyway.) So he asks me to call the local pharmacy and set up an appointment for him. I called, and was told to go online. So I figured since he has time to message me back and forth about it, he could do that. But he asked me to do that too. Then there were no times, so he wanted me to call the urgent care to see if they had tests left. He ended up having to go to one 30 minutes away, and he had my dad drive him after work.I'm pissed for several reasons. He KNOWS that I am sensitive about pretty much anything covid related. I didn't mind making one phone call for him, but when it was pretty clear he had the time at work to do it all himself I started to get irritated. I told him I wish he hadn't even mentioned it to me. I am supposed to be starting work at the same place (a small company where basically everyone is friends) tomorrow. I had plans to be relatively productive today and just do a lot of things that I enjoy and that help me relax because I'm nervous about starting a new job. Instead I slept for 4 hours after he called me, feeling too stressed out to function. My reaction might sound silly, but I can't help it. He knows I have anxiety when it comes to this topic, and that all the new rules and restrictions popping up everywhere make me anxious and frustrated. I was considering disenrolling from college (which I'm supposed to start in a few weeks) because they're doing asymptomatic covid testing, and I'm that afraid of the test.This man is 29 years old and he got MY DAD to drive him because he wasn't too familiar with the area he was going to. I have always been raised to be very independent. Right now we are living with my dad because of unexpected financial changes. But while we have both been saving money, every time I bring up the idea out moving back into a place of our own he says, "well that would be the end of us saving money". We have enough saved to get an apartment or a small house, so I don't know at what point hell feel like we saved enough. He has been hesitant to do pretty much anything that normal adults do since the beginning of our relationship, and we've been together almost 4 years, married for 3. I have always dealt with our previous landlord and he would just send his portion of the rent to my account. I had to badger him into getting a credit card, changing his car registration from the previous owner's name to his, and I have been trying to get him to go to the dentist for a year now. I actually asked for him to go for my birthday but I don't think it's going to happen. He is never willing to try to figure anything out on his own. If he asks for help, he wants me to do it, not just tell him how to. At this point it's driving me crazy. I thought he was getting better, but after today I feel really discouraged.When he finally got home today I tried telling him the I wish he had just don't what he had to do without involving me because he knew it would stress me out. I told him that I'm irritated that he had me do all the calling around and then he couldn't even drive himself there. I told him that I'm so frustrated, and no I have to work with him and I'm stuck even if I don't like the work because it would make him look bad if I didn't go through with it or left after he recommended me. He kind of mumbled something unintelligible and hasn't spoken the hour since. I feel like I'm living with a child and the it's always going to be this way. I don't know how to talk to him when he acts like he doesn't care.I am supposed to be going back to school for the first time in 8 years, and I was so close to disenrolling because I wanted to just focus on the job and not be stressed by the school's politics abd new policies. But now I'm not sure because the money I will get from the GI Bill is pretty substantial, and with how I'm feeling right now I feel like I will want ask the work distracting me from how hopeless I feel. I feel like I want to be able to someday tell him, "Either you get yourself together, we move out of here, and you start acting like an adult, or I go do my own thing."I love him very very much and when we are good we are really good and over the moon happy together, but when issues come up he shuts down and won't talk, and I feel like I just need to get out of here. I've felt this way before, but the thought of things not working between us kills me, and it always gets better. But so far he has not really changed much overall. How can I even begin to talk to him about all of this??TLDR: My (26F) husband (29M) keeps showing me that he doesn't care about becoming an independent adult, or about us being and independent couple again, and he won't talk to me about it when I try to tell him that his behavior is really making me feel hopeless about our future and confirming every single doubt I had years ago. I am at a crossroads with my own future. I'm starting a new job (where he works) AND supposed to be going back to school full time. I am very on the fence about all that too and he is just very indifferent when I express my concerns. I used to be a very emotionally strong person until I started opening up to him when we first got together 4 years ago, and I'm starting to regret learning to look for his opinion and his reassurance. The idea of splitting up kills me inside, and I don't know how to talk to him and actually get through to him and get him to talk back without hurting his feelings. I also don't want to start my new job where he works when I'm mad at him and he isn't talking to me.