My [21F] boyfriend [22M] has been talking to his ex behind my back?

Hey everyone, I'm new to reddit and this subreddit but I feel really confused and would appreciate some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He's only dated one other girl, and that relationship lasted 5 years.

For some context, when my boyfriend and I got together his ex was extremely manipulative and possessive over him, despite them having been broken up for about a year. For months into our friendship and the beginning of our relationship she would lie to his friends about things he had done/said etc. and put him down, give him ultimatums, the whole shebang. They stopped speaking very early on into our relationship, with her blocking him on everything. Any time he would mention her, he would follow it with "I hope she's happy, but happy far away from me."

Flash forward about a week ago, he's trying to show me something funny on Twitter and he gets a DM from her. He quickly hides his phone and changes the subject. When I ask him about it, he admits that she had messaged him but that "we won't talk after today". I told him that while it made me uncomfortable, I would support whatever he chose to do about talking to her. He tells me he doesn't want to keep talking, and won't message her again. A couple days later, similar situation; but this time they're texting again. Tells me the same thing- it's stressing me out to talk to her, I won't message her again. This morning he refollowed her on instagram, and when I asked why he attacked me and said he's "allowed to follow his friends".

I want to be supportive, but I feel like something else is going on. I have never asked to go through his phone or DMs, or been passive aggressive about the situation but despite this I feel like he feels the need to lie to me about what's going on between them. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this or not. Thanks for any feedback <3

TL;DR: Boyfriend suddenly starts talking to ex again and is dishonest about wanting to message her or the fact he's continuing to message her



Submitted May 25, 2019 at 05:42AM

Hey everyone, I'm new to reddit and this subreddit but I feel really confused and would appreciate some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He's only dated one other girl, and that relationship lasted 5 years.For some context, when my boyfriend and I got together his ex was extremely manipulative and possessive over him, despite them having been broken up for about a year. For months into our friendship and the beginning of our relationship she would lie to his friends about things he had done/said etc. and put him down, give him ultimatums, the whole shebang. They stopped speaking very early on into our relationship, with her blocking him on everything. Any time he would mention her, he would follow it with "I hope she's happy, but happy far away from me."Flash forward about a week ago, he's trying to show me something funny on Twitter and he gets a DM from her. He quickly hides his phone and changes the subject. When I ask him about it, he admits that she had messaged him but that "we won't talk after today". I told him that while it made me uncomfortable, I would support whatever he chose to do about talking to her. He tells me he doesn't want to keep talking, and won't message her again. A couple days later, similar situation; but this time they're texting again. Tells me the same thing- it's stressing me out to talk to her, I won't message her again. This morning he refollowed her on instagram, and when I asked why he attacked me and said he's "allowed to follow his friends".I want to be supportive, but I feel like something else is going on. I have never asked to go through his phone or DMs, or been passive aggressive about the situation but despite this I feel like he feels the need to lie to me about what's going on between them. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this or not. Thanks for any feedback <3TL;DR: Boyfriend suddenly starts talking to ex again and is dishonest about wanting to message her or the fact he's continuing to message her
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