I am in an on and off 11 years worth of relationship with my (adopted) older brother. Time to shit or get off the pot for both of us.

(long)

Before anyone starts to bleat out 'sweet home Alabama', there are three things:

1. Just as the title said, he is my adopted older brother. I was adopted into the family. No blood relation what-so-ever. We are even of two different races.

2. I was adopted into the family when I already turned 17. He already left our parents' house a few years before that to live in neighboring country. So we did not grew up together.

3. We are not from Alabama, we are not even from the US.

4. Bonus point: I actually unironically like some songs from Lynyrd Skynyrd. So suck it lol.

When I was 15, I won an International Student Homestay Programs in Germany and my homestay parents were my now adoptive parents. They were middle aged couples who have two adults sons (20 years old and 30 years old). Both sons were already living in neighboring country by then and starting their own business. I bonded very well with my homestay parents cause they wanted to have a daughter and I wanted to have good parents.

My own biological parents were very absent and I think both of them were never ready or even wanted to be parents. Me and my biological siblings were mostly being raised by aunts, uncles and grandparents.

We stayed very closely in contact even after I was back. It turned into the idea of adopting me, which my biological parents also had nothing against it (since I've basically been adopted/farmed out to other family members since I was a babe anyway).

After adoption I started to live in my adoptive parents' house and even going to University in the neighboring town. It was always just three of us, until I turned 22. My eldest (adoptive) brother got sick and passed away. Pancreatic cancer. He was gone after just few months of being diagnosed, he never had wife or kids.

The youngest son then sold everything they had there and moved back into our parents' house.

We were in mourning. My adoptive parents found strength in each other, and that left me to support my surviving adoptive brother. We got close.

When I was done with my study at 24, brother and I moved together into a new city. We then started to live as live-in BF and GF. Brother was 29 at that time. We broke up and got together several times. We even tried to date other people, but we always got back together and ended up selfishly breaking our former partners' hearts.

Now I am 35 and he is 40. We have worked, saved and planned. We both had a dream of homesteading in a cheaper country and seems like our dreams will come true. Our parents have sold their big house too and are going to move into apartment for senior people (their own will). They offered us big percentage of the money from the house.

I know I am not getting younger. My BF wants us to get married in the new country, then have kid or try to adopt a kid. Finally be a complete family. It is just...now that everything becoming so real and there are more stakes at play, I have a bit of cold feet. I think it is because if we have kid(s), we cannot do our off-and-on spiel again. Our parents are getting older too and if one of them passed away, we want to take whoever left to live in our farmhouse. The dynamics might be...strange.

Am I over-thinking this? I have less than a year to completely prepare for the big leap of faith. I speak the local language and have (small) business ideas too. Even if it does not work, the land and house will be paid in full, so we can live off our own farm.

Submitted May 23, 2019 at 08:02PM

(long)Before anyone starts to bleat out 'sweet home Alabama', there are three things:Just as the title said, he is my adopted older brother. I was adopted into the family. No blood relation what-so-ever. We are even of two different races.I was adopted into the family when I already turned 17. He already left our parents' house a few years before that to live in neighboring country. So we did not grew up together.We are not from Alabama, we are not even from the US.Bonus point: I actually unironically like some songs from Lynyrd Skynyrd. So suck it lol.When I was 15, I won an International Student Homestay Programs in Germany and my homestay parents were my now adoptive parents. They were middle aged couples who have two adults sons (20 years old and 30 years old). Both sons were already living in neighboring country by then and starting their own business. I bonded very well with my homestay parents cause they wanted to have a daughter and I wanted to have good parents.My own biological parents were very absent and I think both of them were never ready or even wanted to be parents. Me and my biological siblings were mostly being raised by aunts, uncles and grandparents.We stayed very closely in contact even after I was back. It turned into the idea of adopting me, which my biological parents also had nothing against it (since I've basically been adopted/farmed out to other family members since I was a babe anyway).After adoption I started to live in my adoptive parents' house and even going to University in the neighboring town. It was always just three of us, until I turned 22. My eldest (adoptive) brother got sick and passed away. Pancreatic cancer. He was gone after just few months of being diagnosed, he never had wife or kids.The youngest son then sold everything they had there and moved back into our parents' house.We were in mourning. My adoptive parents found strength in each other, and that left me to support my surviving adoptive brother. We got close.When I was done with my study at 24, brother and I moved together into a new city. We then started to live as live-in BF and GF. Brother was 29 at that time. We broke up and got together several times. We even tried to date other people, but we always got back together and ended up selfishly breaking our former partners' hearts.Now I am 35 and he is 40. We have worked, saved and planned. We both had a dream of homesteading in a cheaper country and seems like our dreams will come true. Our parents have sold their big house too and are going to move into apartment for senior people (their own will). They offered us big percentage of the money from the house.I know I am not getting younger. My BF wants us to get married in the new country, then have kid or try to adopt a kid. Finally be a complete family. It is just...now that everything becoming so real and there are more stakes at play, I have a bit of cold feet. I think it is because if we have kid(s), we cannot do our off-and-on spiel again. Our parents are getting older too and if one of them passed away, we want to take whoever left to live in our farmhouse. The dynamics might be...strange.Am I over-thinking this? I have less than a year to completely prepare for the big leap of faith. I speak the local language and have (small) business ideas too. Even if it does not work, the land and house will be paid in full, so we can live off our own farm.