I love her, and I’m waiting for her to tell me how she feels - here’s our story

This girl (18 F) has made me (17 M) learn the will to overcome adversity, become a better person, and want to be man enough for her. I have strong feelings for her, and I think it has become love. I love her.

Let me share my story of us.

We’ve known each other since 1st grade. In 4th grade I developed my first crush, and it was on her. In 5th grade she was told that I had a crush on her, and it was humiliating to me. She was friendly with me, but I stayed nervous around her and didn’t attempt to connect with her. I was already a shy kid.

There’s a moment in 6th grade in math class where I sat behind her, and I had dropped my pencil under her desk. I was terrified to attempt to reach under her chair for it. I was so scared. And it was a perfect representation of how it was.

She had like an unobtainable presence to me, she was smart, beautiful, and friendly to people. She was too good for me.

I became antisocial when family troubles created a bad environment in middle school, it nourished depression that I never was aware of until last year. I would never dare talk to her or even interact socially with most others. It was a bad look when I was such a secluded person. I didn’t understand the consequences of my actions, all I cared about was video games and not feeling socially pressured. My self-esteem was low. I had points where I even excessively missed school despite being intelligently talented because I didn’t know what I was doing with myself. It was like this since at the end of 6th grade, up to the start of sophomore year. Then I looked back at everything in regret. I started to normalize, at least.

But there was a turning point I began to change, and it was because of her.

Sometime junior year, last year, I realized that I had special feelings for her I couldn’t ignore - the girl on the pedestal has reachable, in my mind. And yet she was so distant from me, even if I saw her everyday. I never interacted with her. I had little social interactions to begin with still. At the least, I was recognized as nice and smart by others, although quiet too. Worst yet, I learned she had the same boyfriend from 2 years ago, so any hope seemed grim. But I prayed for a chance, and prayed to be patient. I began to learn much more about her when I started paying attention. I felt like I also had to begin redeeming myself in some way for my failures, so I got driven to get straight A’s that year. And I did.

But I did falter at times in my hope, and submitted to depression or sin. I learned and grew, though. I learned to interact socially much better, and that I genuinely have a sense of humor, I can care, and I can have fun with others. I gained newfound interests, especially the outdoors. I treated my body better. And it was all because of her, because I wanted to be good enough for her. Come February this year, senior year, I came to learn that my patience had been answered: she got out of her 3-year relationship at some point in the last couple months.

It was my chance. But how to proceed perplexed me. I waited for some sort of timing to be able to get closer to her, but I only got anxieties. It was hard to find enjoyment in things when I was left unsure of myself and left anxious, confused. She became my focus. I just needed to become focused, and to act on my feelings.

I had a dream to take her to prom. It was fast approaching. I didn’t really have a way of not seeming weird when trying to ask her, it felt to me. I never could find a chance to be near her and alone at the same time.

I had a moment of clarity that gave me a tremendous boost of confidence: I could write her a letter. It wouldn’t be forced and it wouldn’t put her on the spot. I could totally ask her that way.

I had a dilemma in writing the letter: was I just asking her to prom, or was I confessing my feelings to her? To make clear my intent, I went to find out if she had a prom date already. So to my luck, she did, unsurprising with how long I waited, and it was still only with a friend. It was devastating that I couldn’t have my dream, but I felt that she deserved to know my feelings anyway.

So my aim of the letter was to be honest about my feelings, and tell her how wonderful she is and how much she means to me. Now I had full power at my disposal to tell her - to let it off my chest. It was crushing for me to hide these feelings for so long. But I gained insight in what I should do. My character was being tested.

Finally achieving the confidence to express myself gave me the greatest feelings of my life as I planned and wrote the letter. My heart rushed. I could conquer anything. It was the energy I had been praying for all this time. My unhealthy obsession with her became an authentic healthy love.

I think that this is the moment where I could declare that I love her.

I considered how she’d feel, how much she knows about me, what we can relate with each other, the things I’m willing to do for her, and I wanted to be understanding of her.

She is so special to me.

It’s things like her beautiful smile, the sound of her soft voice, hearing her laugh, her eyes, her lovely face, her gorgeous blonde hair, her gifted smartness and talent, her vibrant personality, her friendliness, her likability, and her kindness that make her special to me.

She is also nostalgic to me because of our timelessness of memories, it’s been 8 years since she became my interest.

I had someone give her the letter two weeks ago because I couldn’t find the right time to myself. It was two days before prom, and during AP testing. It was terrible timing. I chose to give it to her at a bad time regardless because I felt she deserved to know as soon as possible, and things are coming to an end in high school. Was this a mistake?

I asked her in the letter to tell me how she feels and to take as long as she needs to do so. I also gave her my number case that’s how she wanted it done.

She hasn’t made her feelings known to me yet, and it’s been two weeks. She’s done nothing.

We graduate in two weeks.

It’s been painful for me that she hasn’t told me anything, it makes me think I did something wrong or messed up. I don’t want her to be afraid of turning me down, I want her to understand that. If she’s unsure of herself, I want to be patient and wait. But I just don’t know.

We have made brief eye contact with each other frequently, and we both initiate it, I more often than her. Most recently, in one class we have together she was leaving the room, when she looked back directly at me and just for me, completely out of her way. What does this mean? Should I say hi to her when we pass each other to diffuse any awkwardness, or should I give her space? I want to be able to convey to her my confidence but be understanding of her.

It gave me a last bit of hope that maybe, she might come around to tell me the truth, no matter what it may be. I want her to be able to trust me. Maybe she’ll find the good in me.

We are both Christians and hold similar values, I know that I can resonate with her spiritually and ideologically.

I want the chance for her to get to know me better and hope in our potential together.

I want to keep her tight in my arms, her to put her head on my shoulder, on my chest, cuddle with her, stroke her hair, hold hands with her and rub thumbs, watch the sunset with her that matches her beauty, giggle, laugh hysterically with her, take walks and hikes with her, watch movies with her, play video games with her (top priority is to show her Xenoblade), visit places with her, talk openly with her about silly and serious things, and lay in each other’s arms.

I can accept any decision she makes because I care about her. But I still pray for our chance together - our miracle. I want to be man enough for her.

I’ve experienced a surge of so many emotions, especially in the last month.

She’s been on my mind. When I think of her, I get ecstatic feelings.

I want to cry my heart out in her arms.

I love you Elizabeth

(P.S. Would anyone be interested in reading the letter I wrote her? I have a typed draft of it)

Submitted May 25, 2019 at 02:17AM

This girl (18 F) has made me (17 M) learn the will to overcome adversity, become a better person, and want to be man enough for her. I have strong feelings for her, and I think it has become love. I love her.Let me share my story of us.We’ve known each other since 1st grade. In 4th grade I developed my first crush, and it was on her. In 5th grade she was told that I had a crush on her, and it was humiliating to me. She was friendly with me, but I stayed nervous around her and didn’t attempt to connect with her. I was already a shy kid.There’s a moment in 6th grade in math class where I sat behind her, and I had dropped my pencil under her desk. I was terrified to attempt to reach under her chair for it. I was so scared. And it was a perfect representation of how it was.She had like an unobtainable presence to me, she was smart, beautiful, and friendly to people. She was too good for me.I became antisocial when family troubles created a bad environment in middle school, it nourished depression that I never was aware of until last year. I would never dare talk to her or even interact socially with most others. It was a bad look when I was such a secluded person. I didn’t understand the consequences of my actions, all I cared about was video games and not feeling socially pressured. My self-esteem was low. I had points where I even excessively missed school despite being intelligently talented because I didn’t know what I was doing with myself. It was like this since at the end of 6th grade, up to the start of sophomore year. Then I looked back at everything in regret. I started to normalize, at least.But there was a turning point I began to change, and it was because of her.Sometime junior year, last year, I realized that I had special feelings for her I couldn’t ignore - the girl on the pedestal has reachable, in my mind. And yet she was so distant from me, even if I saw her everyday. I never interacted with her. I had little social interactions to begin with still. At the least, I was recognized as nice and smart by others, although quiet too. Worst yet, I learned she had the same boyfriend from 2 years ago, so any hope seemed grim. But I prayed for a chance, and prayed to be patient. I began to learn much more about her when I started paying attention. I felt like I also had to begin redeeming myself in some way for my failures, so I got driven to get straight A’s that year. And I did.But I did falter at times in my hope, and submitted to depression or sin. I learned and grew, though. I learned to interact socially much better, and that I genuinely have a sense of humor, I can care, and I can have fun with others. I gained newfound interests, especially the outdoors. I treated my body better. And it was all because of her, because I wanted to be good enough for her. Come February this year, senior year, I came to learn that my patience had been answered: she got out of her 3-year relationship at some point in the last couple months.It was my chance. But how to proceed perplexed me. I waited for some sort of timing to be able to get closer to her, but I only got anxieties. It was hard to find enjoyment in things when I was left unsure of myself and left anxious, confused. She became my focus. I just needed to become focused, and to act on my feelings.I had a dream to take her to prom. It was fast approaching. I didn’t really have a way of not seeming weird when trying to ask her, it felt to me. I never could find a chance to be near her and alone at the same time.I had a moment of clarity that gave me a tremendous boost of confidence: I could write her a letter. It wouldn’t be forced and it wouldn’t put her on the spot. I could totally ask her that way.I had a dilemma in writing the letter: was I just asking her to prom, or was I confessing my feelings to her? To make clear my intent, I went to find out if she had a prom date already. So to my luck, she did, unsurprising with how long I waited, and it was still only with a friend. It was devastating that I couldn’t have my dream, but I felt that she deserved to know my feelings anyway.So my aim of the letter was to be honest about my feelings, and tell her how wonderful she is and how much she means to me. Now I had full power at my disposal to tell her - to let it off my chest. It was crushing for me to hide these feelings for so long. But I gained insight in what I should do. My character was being tested.Finally achieving the confidence to express myself gave me the greatest feelings of my life as I planned and wrote the letter. My heart rushed. I could conquer anything. It was the energy I had been praying for all this time. My unhealthy obsession with her became an authentic healthy love.I think that this is the moment where I could declare that I love her.I considered how she’d feel, how much she knows about me, what we can relate with each other, the things I’m willing to do for her, and I wanted to be understanding of her.She is so special to me.It’s things like her beautiful smile, the sound of her soft voice, hearing her laugh, her eyes, her lovely face, her gorgeous blonde hair, her gifted smartness and talent, her vibrant personality, her friendliness, her likability, and her kindness that make her special to me.She is also nostalgic to me because of our timelessness of memories, it’s been 8 years since she became my interest.I had someone give her the letter two weeks ago because I couldn’t find the right time to myself. It was two days before prom, and during AP testing. It was terrible timing. I chose to give it to her at a bad time regardless because I felt she deserved to know as soon as possible, and things are coming to an end in high school. Was this a mistake?I asked her in the letter to tell me how she feels and to take as long as she needs to do so. I also gave her my number case that’s how she wanted it done.She hasn’t made her feelings known to me yet, and it’s been two weeks. She’s done nothing.We graduate in two weeks.It’s been painful for me that she hasn’t told me anything, it makes me think I did something wrong or messed up. I don’t want her to be afraid of turning me down, I want her to understand that. If she’s unsure of herself, I want to be patient and wait. But I just don’t know.We have made brief eye contact with each other frequently, and we both initiate it, I more often than her. Most recently, in one class we have together she was leaving the room, when she looked back directly at me and just for me, completely out of her way. What does this mean? Should I say hi to her when we pass each other to diffuse any awkwardness, or should I give her space? I want to be able to convey to her my confidence but be understanding of her.It gave me a last bit of hope that maybe, she might come around to tell me the truth, no matter what it may be. I want her to be able to trust me. Maybe she’ll find the good in me.We are both Christians and hold similar values, I know that I can resonate with her spiritually and ideologically.I want the chance for her to get to know me better and hope in our potential together.I want to keep her tight in my arms, her to put her head on my shoulder, on my chest, cuddle with her, stroke her hair, hold hands with her and rub thumbs, watch the sunset with her that matches her beauty, giggle, laugh hysterically with her, take walks and hikes with her, watch movies with her, play video games with her (top priority is to show her Xenoblade), visit places with her, talk openly with her about silly and serious things, and lay in each other’s arms.I can accept any decision she makes because I care about her. But I still pray for our chance together - our miracle. I want to be man enough for her.I’ve experienced a surge of so many emotions, especially in the last month.She’s been on my mind. When I think of her, I get ecstatic feelings.I want to cry my heart out in her arms.I love you Elizabeth(P.S. Would anyone be interested in reading the letter I wrote her? I have a typed draft of it)