Friends with Benefits went wrong. Little different story, interested in opinions.

Hey. I am 23M and she is 22F.

We've started friends with benefits (fwb) relationship around half a year ago. I was approx a month after breakup and still hurt, so hooking up with her was somewhat helpful. However from very beginning she fell for me and I explained her that we can only be friends with benefits as I am still not in the mood and dont want anything serious, plus I didnt really see us fitting together.

At first she showed really a lot of affection and I was very cold and almost finished it all because I didnt want to hurt her or myself in the long run. (some really cute things that hurts to think about how I responded before).

Then I went for a 2 weeks holiday and when I came back we hook up again, she was still a lot into me but I let it happen. We just made sure from time to time that we are okay with FWB status. However we broke big FWB rules. We weren't even FWB, it was something in the middle, we held hands, cuddled, always slept over, kissed, yet we knew that we weren't in relationship.

In that half year period I did have some feelings from time to time but managed to soothe them down, I am sure she did too. We never had arguments and really enjoyed the time together.

Now some days ago, we were cuddling and she asked if I am still okay with friends with benefits status, because she dont want to hurt me. I literally stopped functioning, I never had bigger heartbreak and I did not expect it coming, I almost started shaking and couldnt even get it hard for quite a while (i know). I said something like "yea even though I would get jelous if you fucked others guys so just dont tell me if you do", or something similar but yeah that was pretty stupid. I think its because lately we've been little bit out of loop and also my gut was telling that she might flirt with some other guys, however I am not really sure. But I did get jelous.

This is when I decided to tell her 1-2 days later (via messenger voice messages as usual) about what I felt that time and that I either want to try stepping it up slowly for relationship or stopping it all. She said she will think about it.

After few days (literally couldnt focus on anything as I was thinking about her) she said that she is on her pms and cant think concious right now but she will try to answer in about a week, and also asked if those are real feelings or a sense of ownership and some other stuff. I then told her that its real etc. and that if she have feelings for me back we should just try. It either works out or not.

She then after half an hour responded that she doesnt have the feelings that I am talking about right now and that we can still be friends with benefits but that it would probably not be fair as she cant respond to my feelings now, and that she really enjoys being with me and if I want to meet up or I get lonely we can see each other etc etc. She really seemed concerned and clearly she didnt want to lose me.

I replied that 'its all good I can respect your choice and take care.'

Its been only 2-3 days and I cant stop thinking about her and what she feels, I feel so heartbroken (literally cant focus on anything), especially knowing that I can go back to FWB status as it was. I want to talk to her so much but I know that only no contact thing can make her miss me and perhaps evolve into relationship.

So thats what I am doing right now. However I am thinking that if she doesnt respond after 2 weeks I should perhaps go back to FWB status and either make rules like no sleepovers or cuddles (fuck, cuddles are the best part I dont think id even want fwb then) or just do everything same again but be more manly and make her fall in love with me again. Second option does sound pretty good, but also VERY stupid I know as ill probably hurt myself more.

So what are your opinion guys? Id expect most of you are gonna say to let it go, but I really dont want to. I could maybe invite her to talk with a coffee or beer after 2 weeks of no contact, she would definitely accept that. What do I say then? Maybe try starting from beginning with a date? ARGH. I still have hope she might write me something in those 2 weeks. (the weather is perfect now tho, she is probably enjoying sun with some dude (oh shut up brains))

Tl;Dr: I think its really important to read everything, but in short I felt for fwb (we were more than that) and apparently she doesnt have feelings back even tho she had those before for sure. Thinking about how to handle everything as she is totally down to continue fwb after I told my feelings.

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 06:38PM

Hey. I am 23M and she is 22F.We've started friends with benefits (fwb) relationship around half a year ago. I was approx a month after breakup and still hurt, so hooking up with her was somewhat helpful. However from very beginning she fell for me and I explained her that we can only be friends with benefits as I am still not in the mood and dont want anything serious, plus I didnt really see us fitting together.At first she showed really a lot of affection and I was very cold and almost finished it all because I didnt want to hurt her or myself in the long run. (some really cute things that hurts to think about how I responded before).Then I went for a 2 weeks holiday and when I came back we hook up again, she was still a lot into me but I let it happen. We just made sure from time to time that we are okay with FWB status. However we broke big FWB rules. We weren't even FWB, it was something in the middle, we held hands, cuddled, always slept over, kissed, yet we knew that we weren't in relationship.In that half year period I did have some feelings from time to time but managed to soothe them down, I am sure she did too. We never had arguments and really enjoyed the time together.Now some days ago, we were cuddling and she asked if I am still okay with friends with benefits status, because she dont want to hurt me. I literally stopped functioning, I never had bigger heartbreak and I did not expect it coming, I almost started shaking and couldnt even get it hard for quite a while (i know). I said something like "yea even though I would get jelous if you fucked others guys so just dont tell me if you do", or something similar but yeah that was pretty stupid. I think its because lately we've been little bit out of loop and also my gut was telling that she might flirt with some other guys, however I am not really sure. But I did get jelous.This is when I decided to tell her 1-2 days later (via messenger voice messages as usual) about what I felt that time and that I either want to try stepping it up slowly for relationship or stopping it all. She said she will think about it.After few days (literally couldnt focus on anything as I was thinking about her) she said that she is on her pms and cant think concious right now but she will try to answer in about a week, and also asked if those are real feelings or a sense of ownership and some other stuff. I then told her that its real etc. and that if she have feelings for me back we should just try. It either works out or not.She then after half an hour responded that she doesnt have the feelings that I am talking about right now and that we can still be friends with benefits but that it would probably not be fair as she cant respond to my feelings now, and that she really enjoys being with me and if I want to meet up or I get lonely we can see each other etc etc. She really seemed concerned and clearly she didnt want to lose me.I replied that 'its all good I can respect your choice and take care.'Its been only 2-3 days and I cant stop thinking about her and what she feels, I feel so heartbroken (literally cant focus on anything), especially knowing that I can go back to FWB status as it was. I want to talk to her so much but I know that only no contact thing can make her miss me and perhaps evolve into relationship.So thats what I am doing right now. However I am thinking that if she doesnt respond after 2 weeks I should perhaps go back to FWB status and either make rules like no sleepovers or cuddles (fuck, cuddles are the best part I dont think id even want fwb then) or just do everything same again but be more manly and make her fall in love with me again. Second option does sound pretty good, but also VERY stupid I know as ill probably hurt myself more.So what are your opinion guys? Id expect most of you are gonna say to let it go, but I really dont want to. I could maybe invite her to talk with a coffee or beer after 2 weeks of no contact, she would definitely accept that. What do I say then? Maybe try starting from beginning with a date? ARGH. I still have hope she might write me something in those 2 weeks. (the weather is perfect now tho, she is probably enjoying sun with some dude (oh shut up brains))Tl;Dr: I think its really important to read everything, but in short I felt for fwb (we were more than that) and apparently she doesnt have feelings back even tho she had those before for sure. Thinking about how to handle everything as she is totally down to continue fwb after I told my feelings.