I'm [30f] worried my bf [30m] of 3yrs will will never know what he wants.

Throw away because he knows my usual. TLDR at the end.

We've been together for 3yrs, and were friends before that for a few yrs. We've lived together for almost two yrs.

Like any other couple we've had some ups and downs. He was out of work for about 6 months, and was depressed. I was working and going to school, and super stressed. We had a few fights, and he at one point, while talking about our future, said that he doesn't know what he wants. If he wants to get married, or even if he wants to be with me longterm.

I thought we were doing better. I thought we were working on building a future together. We had talked about getting married, about adding his name to the house I bought before we were dating. We have talked about starting a business together that would let him work in a field he is passionate about.

But when we were talking about redoing our finances last night, I pitched the idea of getting a joint account and each of us contributing 75% of our paychecks to bills and savings. After some discussion he says he "doesn't want to contribute that much of his money since we aren't married, even though we might as well be married".

Because of this one little, off hand, stupid, comment I am scared! I know that I am most likely overeating. But regardless I am scared.

Just to be clear this is not about the money. I am worried the he still doesn't know what he wants. I don't care if we get married, but it scares me that in another 3 years, after we've tied our lives together even more, he will finally figure out what he wants and it won't be me and what we built together.

TLDR: BF doesn't know what he wants in the relationship, I'm worried about wasting time and not sure what to do.

I plan on talking to him tonight, but has anyone else ever been in this situation? Are we wasting our time together? Should I just wait a little longer for him to figure out what he wants?

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 06:47PM

Throw away because he knows my usual. TLDR at the end.We've been together for 3yrs, and were friends before that for a few yrs. We've lived together for almost two yrs.Like any other couple we've had some ups and downs. He was out of work for about 6 months, and was depressed. I was working and going to school, and super stressed. We had a few fights, and he at one point, while talking about our future, said that he doesn't know what he wants. If he wants to get married, or even if he wants to be with me longterm.I thought we were doing better. I thought we were working on building a future together. We had talked about getting married, about adding his name to the house I bought before we were dating. We have talked about starting a business together that would let him work in a field he is passionate about.But when we were talking about redoing our finances last night, I pitched the idea of getting a joint account and each of us contributing 75% of our paychecks to bills and savings. After some discussion he says he "doesn't want to contribute that much of his money since we aren't married, even though we might as well be married".Because of this one little, off hand, stupid, comment I am scared! I know that I am most likely overeating. But regardless I am scared.Just to be clear this is not about the money. I am worried the he still doesn't know what he wants. I don't care if we get married, but it scares me that in another 3 years, after we've tied our lives together even more, he will finally figure out what he wants and it won't be me and what we built together.TLDR: BF doesn't know what he wants in the relationship, I'm worried about wasting time and not sure what to do.I plan on talking to him tonight, but has anyone else ever been in this situation? Are we wasting our time together? Should I just wait a little longer for him to figure out what he wants?