My boyfriend [24] is going through an emotional crisis and grief, and I [25] am partially to blame, what do I do?

Forgive me if the formatting isn't entirely correct, this is my first post on reddit.

My boyfriend of 3 and half years is going through an absolute emotional crisis. His father passed away in a car accident 3 months ago, and he lives at home with his now widowed mother.

I was and still am extremely close to his family, so I had been there the entire time. The night it happened I drove in a snowstorm to get there, and every emotional breakdown, I was there to hold him until it passed. The first month was absolute disaster, as can be expected. But I believe it is slowly starting to sink in for the long term, and it's beginning to really mess with his ideas of the future and what he wants in life.

Prior to this, we had had minor arguments now and again, mostly about things he did that got on my nerves, and me over reacting to it all. Background: I grew up in an emotionally abusive household with an alcoholic mother, who also passed away in an accident 2 years ago, and I have recently (4 months ago) been diagnosed with PTSD from this, which can cause me to be act controlling and over analyze things.

Since a few months before his father's accident, I have been more than convinced that he is the one for me, my soulmate. Everything about him, I adore. He's strong, and kind, and hilarious. He's adorable, and treats me so well. After the accident, it became even stronger of a feeling, watching him support everyone through it even though he was in so much pain, and seeing how beautiful of a soul he had made me absolutely fall in love all over again.

Two weeks ago, we had another minor argument, me over reacting to something he did, and something snapped inside of him. Since then, he has been in an absolute state of depression and low-self esteem, and whenever we are alone he has been quiet, reserved and distant. This past Sunday (5 days ago), he expressed to me that he thinks we have been destructive towards each other, and he doesn't know if we can continue on like this.

I am absolutely destroyed, and need advice on how to show him that things will not be like this forever. I love him with my entire being, and care so deeply about him. I want him to know that my PTSD diagnosis has really helped me understand why I had been acting like that, and the ways I needed to stop. He is my everything, and I can't bear the thought of losing him or his family. I have absolutely no appetite, can't focus at work, and can't stop shaking from the anxiety of all of this. Please, anyone in a similar situation or anyone who has experienced a depressive phase and made it out with their significant other, how did they help you through it?

TLDR: My boyfriend of 3 years lost his father in a car accident 3 months ago, and has been going through a low self esteem depression, causing him to push me away and partially blame me for his issues. Need advice on how to show him I am worth it, and would never do anything to hurt him.

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Submitted April 05, 2019 at 08:08PM

Forgive me if the formatting isn't entirely correct, this is my first post on reddit.My boyfriend of 3 and half years is going through an absolute emotional crisis. His father passed away in a car accident 3 months ago, and he lives at home with his now widowed mother.I was and still am extremely close to his family, so I had been there the entire time. The night it happened I drove in a snowstorm to get there, and every emotional breakdown, I was there to hold him until it passed. The first month was absolute disaster, as can be expected. But I believe it is slowly starting to sink in for the long term, and it's beginning to really mess with his ideas of the future and what he wants in life.Prior to this, we had had minor arguments now and again, mostly about things he did that got on my nerves, and me over reacting to it all. Background: I grew up in an emotionally abusive household with an alcoholic mother, who also passed away in an accident 2 years ago, and I have recently (4 months ago) been diagnosed with PTSD from this, which can cause me to be act controlling and over analyze things.Since a few months before his father's accident, I have been more than convinced that he is the one for me, my soulmate. Everything about him, I adore. He's strong, and kind, and hilarious. He's adorable, and treats me so well. After the accident, it became even stronger of a feeling, watching him support everyone through it even though he was in so much pain, and seeing how beautiful of a soul he had made me absolutely fall in love all over again.Two weeks ago, we had another minor argument, me over reacting to something he did, and something snapped inside of him. Since then, he has been in an absolute state of depression and low-self esteem, and whenever we are alone he has been quiet, reserved and distant. This past Sunday (5 days ago), he expressed to me that he thinks we have been destructive towards each other, and he doesn't know if we can continue on like this.I am absolutely destroyed, and need advice on how to show him that things will not be like this forever. I love him with my entire being, and care so deeply about him. I want him to know that my PTSD diagnosis has really helped me understand why I had been acting like that, and the ways I needed to stop. He is my everything, and I can't bear the thought of losing him or his family. I have absolutely no appetite, can't focus at work, and can't stop shaking from the anxiety of all of this. Please, anyone in a similar situation or anyone who has experienced a depressive phase and made it out with their significant other, how did they help you through it?TLDR: My boyfriend of 3 years lost his father in a car accident 3 months ago, and has been going through a low self esteem depression, causing him to push me away and partially blame me for his issues. Need advice on how to show him I am worth it, and would never do anything to hurt him.​