Help with my (26F) mom (52F) Trying to control my marriage.

My husband (31M) and I (26F) have been married for 3 years now and have an incredible relationship, we are so happy together and are perfect for each other in every way. My mom has always been EXTREMELY vocal about her feelings on my relationships and she has extremely skewed views on how relationships should be. She doesn’t believe that partners should have a life outside of each other which I am starkly against, she doesn’t even think that I should “expose” him to my single friends. I’m very close with my parents (they live nearby and I work with my mom so I see her a lot) so we do chit chat a lot but I’ve learned to gloss over the topic of my marriage as she will turn everything into a fight (she literally chewed me out once because I brought up an exciting work meeting my husband had with a woman who was 20 years his senior). I have had countless conversations with her but very little has changed, yes it’s gotten slightly better but this is mostly due to me not telling her much anymore.

My big issue: My group of friends is planning a trip to Hawaii together for a girls trip this summer and my husband (while a bit jealous since he’s never been) is perfectly happy for me to go and is not bothered by it whatsoever. There’s pretty much no avoiding bringing this up to my mom and I am terrified of how to bring it up to her, there is no way this will end without a blowout. It won’t end here either, this will be brought up for years to come and I just know she’ll spend the weeks leading up to it sneaking nasty comments about it into every conversation even though I don’t plan on telling her till soon before.

How can I speak to her about keeping her opinions to herself? I have tried saying it in every way I can imagine but nothing seems to work. If anyone has a similar experience I would love to hear how you dealt/deal with it. I know she’s doing this all out of love for me and she just wants to protect me but it’s driving a serious wedge between us and I have held a lot of resentment towards her for years now. Again, avoiding her is really not an option here as she’s going to find out eventually but I just want this to end.

Tl;dr: my mom tries to control my marriage constantly and it’s driving a huge wedge between us.



Submitted April 05, 2019 at 09:09PM

My husband (31M) and I (26F) have been married for 3 years now and have an incredible relationship, we are so happy together and are perfect for each other in every way. My mom has always been EXTREMELY vocal about her feelings on my relationships and she has extremely skewed views on how relationships should be. She doesn’t believe that partners should have a life outside of each other which I am starkly against, she doesn’t even think that I should “expose” him to my single friends. I’m very close with my parents (they live nearby and I work with my mom so I see her a lot) so we do chit chat a lot but I’ve learned to gloss over the topic of my marriage as she will turn everything into a fight (she literally chewed me out once because I brought up an exciting work meeting my husband had with a woman who was 20 years his senior). I have had countless conversations with her but very little has changed, yes it’s gotten slightly better but this is mostly due to me not telling her much anymore.My big issue: My group of friends is planning a trip to Hawaii together for a girls trip this summer and my husband (while a bit jealous since he’s never been) is perfectly happy for me to go and is not bothered by it whatsoever. There’s pretty much no avoiding bringing this up to my mom and I am terrified of how to bring it up to her, there is no way this will end without a blowout. It won’t end here either, this will be brought up for years to come and I just know she’ll spend the weeks leading up to it sneaking nasty comments about it into every conversation even though I don’t plan on telling her till soon before.How can I speak to her about keeping her opinions to herself? I have tried saying it in every way I can imagine but nothing seems to work. If anyone has a similar experience I would love to hear how you dealt/deal with it. I know she’s doing this all out of love for me and she just wants to protect me but it’s driving a serious wedge between us and I have held a lot of resentment towards her for years now. Again, avoiding her is really not an option here as she’s going to find out eventually but I just want this to end.Tl;dr: my mom tries to control my marriage constantly and it’s driving a huge wedge between us.
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