Help with my desires. Thanks!

Hello all. So here goes. Pretty long read but wanted to give you all a feel for where I’m coming from. I (28M) am in a 9 year committed relationship with an amazing woman (28F) we met in college and are now married and have two young kids. It’s been a wild ride and we keep growing together physically, mentally and spiritually. We go through hard times like any couple but always end up in a place of love and understanding. It’s really a beautiful thing and I am blessed beyond my dreams.

So, in college we were sexually on fire, and our sexual depth has only grown since then. Although the frequency is much less (daily to 3-4 times a month) the connection is still strong and the time apart is actually helpful to building tension and desire. I feel sexually fulfilled except for one thing, and I don’t know how to move forward in a healthy way.

For her, PinV sex is the “peak experience” (her words) that fulfills her completely. It is mostly the same for me, but not completely. I am very fond of anal play, limited to me penetrating her. I desire this because of several things. It’s partly the unique sensation of her pulsating tightness, partly the taboo nature of it, partly the immense love and trust it takes to have good anal sex, and partly how insanely pleasurable it has been for me to experiment on my own with it. I know men have prostates but the orgasms I’ve achieved from penetrative anal stimulation are otherworldly. I have read many posts about how good it can feel for women, but it’s all about relaxing into it and trusting the partner.

She was open to it in college, and we had very slow anal sex in missionary, which after self-experiment I’ve found to be one of the worst positions for opening, with squatting to be the easiest and most pleasurable. She never felt comfortable enough to try anything other than laying down not moving though.

We have had mind-blowing anal sex once, for New Years. Doggie style, aided by the powers of LSD, Ecstasy and Little wine, ha-ha. Hard not to enjoy oneself with that combo. She has confided in me how she really liked that experience.

In the last few years she got real with me though and told me anal stimulation does absolutely nothing for her. She was only doing it to please me, and the thought of it, while not bad, just isn’t arousing for her. She thinks part of it may have to do with being raised in a catholic school and really being imprinted that taboo things are bad. She’s wiser now but I feel still carries that imprinting.

Also, after having two kids, she says things are “different down there” and I believe her and respect where she’s at. I am mostly successful at not expressing my desires.

A few years ago we were alone and took some LSD and I thought it might be a fun idea to go for it again. It ended absolutely horribly and she actually had a total emotional meltdown and has developed some trauma from it, based around a complex of not being “good enough” for me.

I have been respectful and not pursued it since. However some part of me feels totally unsatisfied. Like I need to experience that kind of intimacy with a woman. It is so hot to imagine a woman who genuinely enjoys that, and I know those women exist. Do they not?

I have tried everything to not have this desire. I want so badly to respectfully open her in this way and share this intimacy. It’s not about forcing her or anything it’s about deep connection and an experience of opening, like I have had with solo experiences.

So ultimately, I guess I’m asking does anyone have something they can relate to here and advice on what to do. I honestly could live the rest of my life without butt play, but some part of me will always feel forever interested. Is it possible to shed those desires?

She said she is fine with me having a side man to have anal sex with to get what I desire. She is NOT ok with another woman though. None of this interests me. It’s about her and our connection. I keep convincing myself some part of her is interested, I mean pleasure nerves are pleasurable! But I create expectations when I do that it’s only harmful overall.

I have frequent fantasies about loving gentle anal play with a women who wants to feel filled there. It’s distracting and not helpful because when we do have sex, and it’s really great sex, near the end I want to be in her there almost every time. I say nothing and do nothing to show it though.

Women: what’s your take? (Would be great to hear from women who like/don’t like it)

Men: have you been here before? What happened?

TD;DR in a wonderful long term relationship. She is indifferent to anal sex, and doesn’t care about it. It’s a thing for me. What to do?

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 06:55PM

Hello all. So here goes. Pretty long read but wanted to give you all a feel for where I’m coming from. I (28M) am in a 9 year committed relationship with an amazing woman (28F) we met in college and are now married and have two young kids. It’s been a wild ride and we keep growing together physically, mentally and spiritually. We go through hard times like any couple but always end up in a place of love and understanding. It’s really a beautiful thing and I am blessed beyond my dreams.So, in college we were sexually on fire, and our sexual depth has only grown since then. Although the frequency is much less (daily to 3-4 times a month) the connection is still strong and the time apart is actually helpful to building tension and desire. I feel sexually fulfilled except for one thing, and I don’t know how to move forward in a healthy way.For her, PinV sex is the “peak experience” (her words) that fulfills her completely. It is mostly the same for me, but not completely. I am very fond of anal play, limited to me penetrating her. I desire this because of several things. It’s partly the unique sensation of her pulsating tightness, partly the taboo nature of it, partly the immense love and trust it takes to have good anal sex, and partly how insanely pleasurable it has been for me to experiment on my own with it. I know men have prostates but the orgasms I’ve achieved from penetrative anal stimulation are otherworldly. I have read many posts about how good it can feel for women, but it’s all about relaxing into it and trusting the partner.She was open to it in college, and we had very slow anal sex in missionary, which after self-experiment I’ve found to be one of the worst positions for opening, with squatting to be the easiest and most pleasurable. She never felt comfortable enough to try anything other than laying down not moving though.We have had mind-blowing anal sex once, for New Years. Doggie style, aided by the powers of LSD, Ecstasy and Little wine, ha-ha. Hard not to enjoy oneself with that combo. She has confided in me how she really liked that experience.In the last few years she got real with me though and told me anal stimulation does absolutely nothing for her. She was only doing it to please me, and the thought of it, while not bad, just isn’t arousing for her. She thinks part of it may have to do with being raised in a catholic school and really being imprinted that taboo things are bad. She’s wiser now but I feel still carries that imprinting.Also, after having two kids, she says things are “different down there” and I believe her and respect where she’s at. I am mostly successful at not expressing my desires.A few years ago we were alone and took some LSD and I thought it might be a fun idea to go for it again. It ended absolutely horribly and she actually had a total emotional meltdown and has developed some trauma from it, based around a complex of not being “good enough” for me.I have been respectful and not pursued it since. However some part of me feels totally unsatisfied. Like I need to experience that kind of intimacy with a woman. It is so hot to imagine a woman who genuinely enjoys that, and I know those women exist. Do they not?I have tried everything to not have this desire. I want so badly to respectfully open her in this way and share this intimacy. It’s not about forcing her or anything it’s about deep connection and an experience of opening, like I have had with solo experiences.So ultimately, I guess I’m asking does anyone have something they can relate to here and advice on what to do. I honestly could live the rest of my life without butt play, but some part of me will always feel forever interested. Is it possible to shed those desires?She said she is fine with me having a side man to have anal sex with to get what I desire. She is NOT ok with another woman though. None of this interests me. It’s about her and our connection. I keep convincing myself some part of her is interested, I mean pleasure nerves are pleasurable! But I create expectations when I do that it’s only harmful overall.I have frequent fantasies about loving gentle anal play with a women who wants to feel filled there. It’s distracting and not helpful because when we do have sex, and it’s really great sex, near the end I want to be in her there almost every time. I say nothing and do nothing to show it though.Women: what’s your take? (Would be great to hear from women who like/don’t like it)Men: have you been here before? What happened?TD;DR in a wonderful long term relationship. She is indifferent to anal sex, and doesn’t care about it. It’s a thing for me. What to do?