I [23F] Broke Up With My Girlfriend [19F] This Morning Because She Went Back Into the ICU For the 4th Time in 2 Months

I have been dating a girl I met three months back, and I have been seriously considering if she is that cliché "the one". I gave her a ring I had been saving for a girl I wanted to go "steady" with (I'm old fashioned, hush), which I thought she was that girl. Now I just don't know how to feel or what to do.

Backstory:

My ex(?) girlfriend and I fit together so perfectly. We both suffer from Fibromyalgia and several other diseases that are an offshoot of it. We love the same books, TV shows, movies, music, hobbies, etc. We've both been through a lot mentally, and honestly she just understands me very well. She can usually figure out what I thinking or planning by my facial expressions or tiny hints I give away when speaking.

We haven't had any fights, and there has only been one problem that I would say is moderately important, but wouldn't break us up. She's an extremely bad texter, she forgets to reply and often can't think of a reply. I don't know why she does it, she can write a research paper like it's her freaking job, but can't translate it to texts. We talked, she agreed to work on it, she has.

The major issue is with her diabetes. She has 3 sisters, two of them older, and they have really been the ones looking after her diabetes and helping her, so she is relatively new to handling her condition by herself (with small help from the sister she lives with). Before I my girlfriend, her sister told me she had been in the ICU for diabetic ketoacidosis 5 times in the last 5 months. I thought it was a bit much, but maybe she was just having a diabetic rough patch, I know a few people that's happened to. This wasn't the case.

Fast forward to us now being together and we are quite happy. Not long after we made the relationship official, she went into the ICU for DKA. I wasn't upset or anything, just super worried for her because when I visited she was pale, on two IV lines, and incoherent. She got better after three days and went home.

Two weeks later, she is back in the ICU, back in DKA. I take my role as a loving girlfriend and haul myself to the hospital to be with her. I sat by her bed from morning until the sun set. She recovered in two or so days, and was sent home. Problem is, when the hospital sent her home, they freaking sent her home with her blood sugars in the 600s! (Normal is in the 100s). So less than a week later she was back, which I did not berate her for since it was not her fault and was in fact, the hospitals for leaving a patient like that. She got through it, went home, and was doing well.

I get a message from her sister two and half weeks later that my girl is now back in the ICU for... Yeah you guessed it, DKA. I was pissed this time. For those of you who don't know, being in DKA turns your blood from it's normal state to an acidic one. You can imagine how having acid in your entire bloodstream is deadly. I have a close family friend who almost died from DKA and was in Texas Children's Hospital for over a week to get him situated. There is another family friend with a son who went into DKA and his sugars spiked in the 800s for too long and he ended up with brain damage. These two cases make me extremely worried each time she goes into DKA.

So for this third time I sent her a message and let her know I would not be visiting, calling, texting, or otherwise communicating with her for the duration of her hospital stay. I explained why it's so important to me, what happened to my friends, how much I love her and don't want to bury her so early, that her family couldn't bear to lose her either (her sister was messaging me breaking down), and that if she wanted to keep being with me that she needed to whip her butt into her and take charge of her health. That means checking her insulin multiple times in the day, eating when it's low (and also just eating 3 meals a day at normal times), drinking enough water, taking in enough carbohydrates and electrolytes (to avoid DKA), and eating healthier (veggies, salads, salmon, that sort of stuff). She agreed and implemented everything I asked/said. She was even keeping a journal of the times she did her blood tests and what her levels were. Everything was good.

I came down with a very nasty case of C. diff, which is a gastric bacteria you can get various ways - mine is from frequent antibiotic use, as I have chronic sinus infections. The bacteria is HIGHLY contagious if any spores accidentally spread and someone gets it in their mouth or nose. My girlfriend lives with her older sister and her niece who is 5, so I told my gf I wouldn't come over again until I finished my antibiotic and had the clear from my doctor, because her sister and niece (and herself) definitely can't afford to get sick with this, and it's especially deadly to kids. I have not been able to see her in person for a week, but we have been texting and checking in.

I get a message from my gf's sister this morning that she went back into DKA again. I told my gf the last time that I would not stay with someone who seems to have a freaking death wish, and is acting like a complete child about a 100% mostly easily managed condition - she's 19, it's not hard for an adult to learn they need to eat three meals a day and check their sugar and stick a needle in them if they need insulin!

I sent her a message through text and Facebook (it just says "we're done"), changed our relationship status, and she has not responded. I imagine because her phone is either dead, or she has been delirious today and can't text right now. I assume this since messenger says she hasn't been active for 16 hours and hasn't opened my message.

Emotionally I'm not sure how I feel, which is weird because I typically now exactly why I feel a certain way. I've cried some, mostly only when talking about it directly (like to my mom). I'm not angry, more so deeply disappointed and saddened that she seems to have a death wish and won't take care of herself when she gave me her word she would. Last time I made a promise I would dump her if she did this again "on purpose", and I keep my promises. Maybe she went into DKA by no fault of her own... But her sister said she ran out of insulin yesterday and hadn't asked her sister to pick any more up, nor had she checked her sugars. She wears an insulin pump, and it keeps logs of her checking sugars and the dates/times.

Honestly, I don't know what the frick to do. I love her, so very dearly, she loves me, I'm extremely happy to be in this relationship, and I thought she was going to be the person I eventually married. Her pets love me, mine love her, her niece calls me "Aunt LinuxCharms", her family loves me and told me so many times while I was at the hospital visiting, we have so much in common, and the fact she gets my medical stuff and I get hers is a big thing for both of us.

Right now my brain is almost in denial that I blew up this relationship. I need some advice, or someone to re-inforce my choice, or just to tell my I'm a dick and need to fix it. Thanks guys, sorry for the brick wall of text...

Tl;dr Broke up with girlfriend for going into diabetic ketoacidosis for the 4th time in two months, after she promised me after the 3rd time she would get it together. Am I jerk? Did I do the hard, but right thing?

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 09:20PM

I have been dating a girl I met three months back, and I have been seriously considering if she is that cliché "the one". I gave her a ring I had been saving for a girl I wanted to go "steady" with (I'm old fashioned, hush), which I thought she was that girl. Now I just don't know how to feel or what to do.Backstory:My ex(?) girlfriend and I fit together so perfectly. We both suffer from Fibromyalgia and several other diseases that are an offshoot of it. We love the same books, TV shows, movies, music, hobbies, etc. We've both been through a lot mentally, and honestly she just understands me very well. She can usually figure out what I thinking or planning by my facial expressions or tiny hints I give away when speaking.We haven't had any fights, and there has only been one problem that I would say is moderately important, but wouldn't break us up. She's an extremely bad texter, she forgets to reply and often can't think of a reply. I don't know why she does it, she can write a research paper like it's her freaking job, but can't translate it to texts. We talked, she agreed to work on it, she has.The major issue is with her diabetes. She has 3 sisters, two of them older, and they have really been the ones looking after her diabetes and helping her, so she is relatively new to handling her condition by herself (with small help from the sister she lives with). Before I my girlfriend, her sister told me she had been in the ICU for diabetic ketoacidosis 5 times in the last 5 months. I thought it was a bit much, but maybe she was just having a diabetic rough patch, I know a few people that's happened to. This wasn't the case.Fast forward to us now being together and we are quite happy. Not long after we made the relationship official, she went into the ICU for DKA. I wasn't upset or anything, just super worried for her because when I visited she was pale, on two IV lines, and incoherent. She got better after three days and went home.Two weeks later, she is back in the ICU, back in DKA. I take my role as a loving girlfriend and haul myself to the hospital to be with her. I sat by her bed from morning until the sun set. She recovered in two or so days, and was sent home. Problem is, when the hospital sent her home, they freaking sent her home with her blood sugars in the 600s! (Normal is in the 100s). So less than a week later she was back, which I did not berate her for since it was not her fault and was in fact, the hospitals for leaving a patient like that. She got through it, went home, and was doing well.I get a message from her sister two and half weeks later that my girl is now back in the ICU for... Yeah you guessed it, DKA. I was pissed this time. For those of you who don't know, being in DKA turns your blood from it's normal state to an acidic one. You can imagine how having acid in your entire bloodstream is deadly. I have a close family friend who almost died from DKA and was in Texas Children's Hospital for over a week to get him situated. There is another family friend with a son who went into DKA and his sugars spiked in the 800s for too long and he ended up with brain damage. These two cases make me extremely worried each time she goes into DKA.So for this third time I sent her a message and let her know I would not be visiting, calling, texting, or otherwise communicating with her for the duration of her hospital stay. I explained why it's so important to me, what happened to my friends, how much I love her and don't want to bury her so early, that her family couldn't bear to lose her either (her sister was messaging me breaking down), and that if she wanted to keep being with me that she needed to whip her butt into her and take charge of her health. That means checking her insulin multiple times in the day, eating when it's low (and also just eating 3 meals a day at normal times), drinking enough water, taking in enough carbohydrates and electrolytes (to avoid DKA), and eating healthier (veggies, salads, salmon, that sort of stuff). She agreed and implemented everything I asked/said. She was even keeping a journal of the times she did her blood tests and what her levels were. Everything was good.I came down with a very nasty case of C. diff, which is a gastric bacteria you can get various ways - mine is from frequent antibiotic use, as I have chronic sinus infections. The bacteria is HIGHLY contagious if any spores accidentally spread and someone gets it in their mouth or nose. My girlfriend lives with her older sister and her niece who is 5, so I told my gf I wouldn't come over again until I finished my antibiotic and had the clear from my doctor, because her sister and niece (and herself) definitely can't afford to get sick with this, and it's especially deadly to kids. I have not been able to see her in person for a week, but we have been texting and checking in.I get a message from my gf's sister this morning that she went back into DKA again. I told my gf the last time that I would not stay with someone who seems to have a freaking death wish, and is acting like a complete child about a 100% mostly easily managed condition - she's 19, it's not hard for an adult to learn they need to eat three meals a day and check their sugar and stick a needle in them if they need insulin!I sent her a message through text and Facebook (it just says "we're done"), changed our relationship status, and she has not responded. I imagine because her phone is either dead, or she has been delirious today and can't text right now. I assume this since messenger says she hasn't been active for 16 hours and hasn't opened my message.Emotionally I'm not sure how I feel, which is weird because I typically now exactly why I feel a certain way. I've cried some, mostly only when talking about it directly (like to my mom). I'm not angry, more so deeply disappointed and saddened that she seems to have a death wish and won't take care of herself when she gave me her word she would. Last time I made a promise I would dump her if she did this again "on purpose", and I keep my promises. Maybe she went into DKA by no fault of her own... But her sister said she ran out of insulin yesterday and hadn't asked her sister to pick any more up, nor had she checked her sugars. She wears an insulin pump, and it keeps logs of her checking sugars and the dates/times.Honestly, I don't know what the frick to do. I love her, so very dearly, she loves me, I'm extremely happy to be in this relationship, and I thought she was going to be the person I eventually married. Her pets love me, mine love her, her niece calls me "Aunt LinuxCharms", her family loves me and told me so many times while I was at the hospital visiting, we have so much in common, and the fact she gets my medical stuff and I get hers is a big thing for both of us.Right now my brain is almost in denial that I blew up this relationship. I need some advice, or someone to re-inforce my choice, or just to tell my I'm a dick and need to fix it. Thanks guys, sorry for the brick wall of text...Tl;dr Broke up with girlfriend for going into diabetic ketoacidosis for the 4th time in two months, after she promised me after the 3rd time she would get it together. Am I jerk? Did I do the hard, but right thing?