My (30/F) friends are insisting that I attend my ex-boyfriend’s (30/M) and best friend’s (30/F) wedding.

We met in uni, were together for just over eight years and broke up two years ago due to the fact that after so many years, we just couldn’t get along anymore. It became harder to find things to speak about. We grew to be impatient and short with each other, and after a few months of weighing it, we finally decided to break up. It was a difficult breakup and I obviously still cared about him. There were a few times in the weeks that followed when we tried hanging out as friends, but it was even harder to do that than to not see each other at all.

I was the one that eventually said we should just place some distance there and try to properly move on. Not a week after that conversation, did I find out that he was not only dating one of my best friends, but that he was also posting about her on social media where my family could see, and his for that matter. This was a girl that I’ve known since my first day of uni. She was there throughout the entirety of my relationship with him. I went to her in tears the day he and I broke up, and she comforted me, told me that she was there for me, etc.

Truly didn’t know how to process the news.

The only thing I could do to stop myself from yanking my friend group apart was to pretend that everything was okay. Although he and I didn’t work out, the fact is ... you don’t just go and date one of your ex’s best friends in a city full of interesting people. It felt very deliberate on his part. As far as she was concerned, I didn’t know what to think and I’m still confused as to what happened there. But I told myself that as long they’re happy, it’s okay. That was what I had told my other friends as well when they had asked how I felt about it.

Now that it’s been two years and they’re still together, it’s clear they’re happy. And I’m truly happy for them. I sincerely am. But that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to attend their wedding. She and I don’t speak anymore. Not outside of the group chat and group gatherings. I obviously don’t speak to him at all, in group situations or not. When they sent me a save-the-date card, I did take the day off thinking I would go for maybe a few hours, show my face and then duck out. But now that I have the actual wedding invitation, I don’t know. I’ve not sent them my reply, so now is the time to decide. My three close friends think I should go. I really don’t want to.

Yes, it’s been two years and I’m completely over my ex in terms of our relationship, but it’s not fair that I have to attend their wedding in order to prove it. Also I just want to add one more thing. She seems to have gone out of her way to choose the exact wedding dress and invitation card and dinner choices that I had always gone on about. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. I don’t know. Either way this is all just too much. I realize that I sound like a jealous b-word. But at this point it’s just exhaustion. I’m tired of it. Everything they do feels like a dig for some reason.

She even sent me a text a few days ago saying, “Hope you can make it to the wedding. Jason and I want you there. Love you!”

Really don’t know what to make of that.

Thoughts? Talk some sense into me.

tl;dr He and I were together for eight years, broke up two years ago. They’ve been together for almost two years now. Now they’re getting married and I feel like I’m being pressured into attending the wedding in order to prove that I’m over him. Although I am over him, obviously I’m not over what they did. I hardly speak to them anymore as it is. I’ve only just received the invitation, so there’s still time to decide. My other friends think I should just show my face and then go.

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 07:46PM

We met in uni, were together for just over eight years and broke up two years ago due to the fact that after so many years, we just couldn’t get along anymore. It became harder to find things to speak about. We grew to be impatient and short with each other, and after a few months of weighing it, we finally decided to break up. It was a difficult breakup and I obviously still cared about him. There were a few times in the weeks that followed when we tried hanging out as friends, but it was even harder to do that than to not see each other at all.I was the one that eventually said we should just place some distance there and try to properly move on. Not a week after that conversation, did I find out that he was not only dating one of my best friends, but that he was also posting about her on social media where my family could see, and his for that matter. This was a girl that I’ve known since my first day of uni. She was there throughout the entirety of my relationship with him. I went to her in tears the day he and I broke up, and she comforted me, told me that she was there for me, etc.Truly didn’t know how to process the news.The only thing I could do to stop myself from yanking my friend group apart was to pretend that everything was okay. Although he and I didn’t work out, the fact is ... you don’t just go and date one of your ex’s best friends in a city full of interesting people. It felt very deliberate on his part. As far as she was concerned, I didn’t know what to think and I’m still confused as to what happened there. But I told myself that as long they’re happy, it’s okay. That was what I had told my other friends as well when they had asked how I felt about it.Now that it’s been two years and they’re still together, it’s clear they’re happy. And I’m truly happy for them. I sincerely am. But that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to attend their wedding. She and I don’t speak anymore. Not outside of the group chat and group gatherings. I obviously don’t speak to him at all, in group situations or not. When they sent me a save-the-date card, I did take the day off thinking I would go for maybe a few hours, show my face and then duck out. But now that I have the actual wedding invitation, I don’t know. I’ve not sent them my reply, so now is the time to decide. My three close friends think I should go. I really don’t want to.Yes, it’s been two years and I’m completely over my ex in terms of our relationship, but it’s not fair that I have to attend their wedding in order to prove it. Also I just want to add one more thing. She seems to have gone out of her way to choose the exact wedding dress and invitation card and dinner choices that I had always gone on about. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. I don’t know. Either way this is all just too much. I realize that I sound like a jealous b-word. But at this point it’s just exhaustion. I’m tired of it. Everything they do feels like a dig for some reason.She even sent me a text a few days ago saying, “Hope you can make it to the wedding. Jason and I want you there. Love you!”Really don’t know what to make of that.Thoughts? Talk some sense into me.tl;dr He and I were together for eight years, broke up two years ago. They’ve been together for almost two years now. Now they’re getting married and I feel like I’m being pressured into attending the wedding in order to prove that I’m over him. Although I am over him, obviously I’m not over what they did. I hardly speak to them anymore as it is. I’ve only just received the invitation, so there’s still time to decide. My other friends think I should just show my face and then go.