My bf(24) is trying to control me(21) and now has given me an ultimatum.

I am 21 years old and need advice as I have come to a crossroad.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and currently we live together in Olathe, KS with his daughter(1) and one of his friends. I love this man and pictured a future with him and his little girl. Recently though I have been worrying alot about if it is a good relationship. He has been cheated on in the past and blames that on his lack of trust. I understand that causing some trust issues but I have never done anything to hurt him and he doesn't trust me at all. Last week he came home and asked me if I had slept with our roommate. He tells me that I shouldn't hang out with my guy friends if he hasn't met them. I went to get a drink with a guy friend last week as I had just turned 21 the day before. I had two drinks with my friend and then went to my place in Lawrence that I still have, I waited there for an hour and a half so that I was confident I was completely sober to drive. I had to drive home to our shared home because I was supposed to watch his daughter in the morning. When I woke up in the morning he was made because I stopped giving him updates after he stopped replying to my text. He informed he that he asked his sister the night before, while I was in Lawrence, to watch his daughter because I was out drinking late and not communicating. I told him I was perfectly good and really looking forward to watching her but he still stormed off mad and took his daughter to his sisters.

I also was recently invited to a fraternity formal with one of my best friends of 7 years, who just happens to be my high school ex who I dated 3 years. I have always wanted to go to a fraternity formal and regret missing out on a lot of college experiences due to my fear of going out after an incident at the beginning of my freshman year. Since I started dating my boyfriend I have not been around my college friends because 1)they are a guy my boyfriend hasn't met 2)they are drinking or 3)I'm at home with my bf or his daughter spending time. I thought I could go to the formal as a friend because most people go as friends to these formals. However, my boyfriend told me if I went to formal he would break up with me. I don't want to cancel on one of my friends because I value keeping my word. But, I don't want to lose my relationship. I feel like once he made it an ultimatum I felt distant because I don't want to let him threaten to breakup with me in the future. I want him to trust me and understand its as a friend. I also don't want to break my word to my friend in order to POSSIBLY earn my boyfriends trust. My boyfriend has lied to me in the past about living with his baby mama while we were dating and lied to me about taking his baby mama as his date to his holiday party while we were dating. Every time he has hurt me or lied to me I stood by his side and gave him a chance to earn my trust again. I never canceled any plans I had with him or threatened to leave. It makes me mad that the second he disagrees he stops treating me nicely, becomes distant, and threatens a break up.

I am only 21 and have no clue what to do! I love this man and his daughter. They have become my family and I would love to go through life with them as my family. I need advice on this relationship and more specifically the formal situation. I could use all the advice I can get!

TL;DR : MY BOYFRIEND IS STARTING TO GET VERY POSSESSIVE. I UPSET HIM BY SAYING I WOULD GO TO A FRATERNITY FORMAL AND NOW HE IS SAYING IF WE GO WE ARE DONE. HE DOESN'T TRUST ME ANYWHERE I AM.



Submitted April 05, 2019 at 06:31PM

I am 21 years old and need advice as I have come to a crossroad.I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and currently we live together in Olathe, KS with his daughter(1) and one of his friends. I love this man and pictured a future with him and his little girl. Recently though I have been worrying alot about if it is a good relationship. He has been cheated on in the past and blames that on his lack of trust. I understand that causing some trust issues but I have never done anything to hurt him and he doesn't trust me at all. Last week he came home and asked me if I had slept with our roommate. He tells me that I shouldn't hang out with my guy friends if he hasn't met them. I went to get a drink with a guy friend last week as I had just turned 21 the day before. I had two drinks with my friend and then went to my place in Lawrence that I still have, I waited there for an hour and a half so that I was confident I was completely sober to drive. I had to drive home to our shared home because I was supposed to watch his daughter in the morning. When I woke up in the morning he was made because I stopped giving him updates after he stopped replying to my text. He informed he that he asked his sister the night before, while I was in Lawrence, to watch his daughter because I was out drinking late and not communicating. I told him I was perfectly good and really looking forward to watching her but he still stormed off mad and took his daughter to his sisters.I also was recently invited to a fraternity formal with one of my best friends of 7 years, who just happens to be my high school ex who I dated 3 years. I have always wanted to go to a fraternity formal and regret missing out on a lot of college experiences due to my fear of going out after an incident at the beginning of my freshman year. Since I started dating my boyfriend I have not been around my college friends because 1)they are a guy my boyfriend hasn't met 2)they are drinking or 3)I'm at home with my bf or his daughter spending time. I thought I could go to the formal as a friend because most people go as friends to these formals. However, my boyfriend told me if I went to formal he would break up with me. I don't want to cancel on one of my friends because I value keeping my word. But, I don't want to lose my relationship. I feel like once he made it an ultimatum I felt distant because I don't want to let him threaten to breakup with me in the future. I want him to trust me and understand its as a friend. I also don't want to break my word to my friend in order to POSSIBLY earn my boyfriends trust. My boyfriend has lied to me in the past about living with his baby mama while we were dating and lied to me about taking his baby mama as his date to his holiday party while we were dating. Every time he has hurt me or lied to me I stood by his side and gave him a chance to earn my trust again. I never canceled any plans I had with him or threatened to leave. It makes me mad that the second he disagrees he stops treating me nicely, becomes distant, and threatens a break up.I am only 21 and have no clue what to do! I love this man and his daughter. They have become my family and I would love to go through life with them as my family. I need advice on this relationship and more specifically the formal situation. I could use all the advice I can get!TL;DR : MY BOYFRIEND IS STARTING TO GET VERY POSSESSIVE. I UPSET HIM BY SAYING I WOULD GO TO A FRATERNITY FORMAL AND NOW HE IS SAYING IF WE GO WE ARE DONE. HE DOESN'T TRUST ME ANYWHERE I AM.
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