My [26m] now ex [23f] slowly fell into a deep depression / suicidal and cheated on me. She still constantly hits me up

I met a girl online about a year and a half ago. She told me she had a history of drugs when she was a young teen and depression after going to rehab. This made me a little reluctant to start a relationship but she seemed so fine and I was falling in love.

We had a rough patch towards the end of last month and I think she may have fallen out of love with me or her depression came back because she started to obsess over things like her acne, and healthy issues and looks that it kinda seemed like that became the focus of her life.

She would complain and be negative and I was always there for her until last week when she told me her friend kissed her and she likes him and are now dating.

It hit me like a ton of bricks at the time, but as time went on it became apparent that she is completely lost and scared . I’m not justifying her cheating but I read an article somewhere that people who cheat do so not because of what we think, but sometimes they are so deep in self loathing they need a change or something crazy to happen.

Anyways, fast forward to today. She hits me up every day . She wants to stay friends with me because I’m ‘important’ to her. I told her that this wouldn’t be right for her relationship now and she said she didn’t care that she wanted me in her life and now she’s hiding me for this new guy she’s seeing. She contacts me when she feels suicidal and depressed because I’m suspecting that I’m her only support group because she can’t tell anyone about who she really is . I ask her why she can’t tell her new bf about this and she says how he isn’t like me and can’t handle this and she tried to once and he started crying lol... she literally doesn’t want to be with him and would rather be with me. But she wants to stick it out because her friend group would be forever changed. But it doesn’t make sense because she can’t keep it up forever and she’s already cheating on him w me .

I’m just very confused at this point. On one hand I’m okay being her friend because although she cheated on me last week, I know it’s because of her depression. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or what she wants. I asked her if she saw us together in the future out of curiosity as to how she moved on so fast, and she said yes.

So there you have it, the only reason she is not leaving this new guy is because he’s in her friend group and that would make things awkward and she’s so insecure that she can’t lose her friends. I’d be down to stay friends with her because I understand that this breakup was due to her mental illness .

I’ve struggled with depression in the past so I guess I empathize and that’s why I agreed to be her friend. Although I’ve come to terms with the relationship ending I really have no idea what’s going on and what she wants from me.

We can’t even have a decent friendship because we are limited to her hiding me from her group of friends . Everyday I’m getting closer to just going no contact but I’m confused what’s going on. I know I can’t save her but I wanna be there for her as a friend . I know this relationship is bizarre and not healthy but I’m well adjusted after the breakup , even have some dates lined up , so I’m not in denial about loving her. I could never be with her anymore . But, I guess I don’t want to see her die .

Tl:dr : romance with a depressed girl turns into psychedelic trip once she stopped her anti depressants and got really deep in suicidal tendencies. She’s lashed out and is self destructing in life, destroyed our relationship by cheating, and I’m her only support group now. I’ve coped with losing a loved one to mental illness but she still hits me up constantly while having a boyfriend to confide in me. I wanna do what’s best for her, and while I know I should leave; if I remove myself she had no support system, no one who knows who she truly is because she puts up a front. And I’m scared she will kill herself.

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 06:34PM

I met a girl online about a year and a half ago. She told me she had a history of drugs when she was a young teen and depression after going to rehab. This made me a little reluctant to start a relationship but she seemed so fine and I was falling in love.We had a rough patch towards the end of last month and I think she may have fallen out of love with me or her depression came back because she started to obsess over things like her acne, and healthy issues and looks that it kinda seemed like that became the focus of her life.She would complain and be negative and I was always there for her until last week when she told me her friend kissed her and she likes him and are now dating.It hit me like a ton of bricks at the time, but as time went on it became apparent that she is completely lost and scared . I’m not justifying her cheating but I read an article somewhere that people who cheat do so not because of what we think, but sometimes they are so deep in self loathing they need a change or something crazy to happen.Anyways, fast forward to today. She hits me up every day . She wants to stay friends with me because I’m ‘important’ to her. I told her that this wouldn’t be right for her relationship now and she said she didn’t care that she wanted me in her life and now she’s hiding me for this new guy she’s seeing. She contacts me when she feels suicidal and depressed because I’m suspecting that I’m her only support group because she can’t tell anyone about who she really is . I ask her why she can’t tell her new bf about this and she says how he isn’t like me and can’t handle this and she tried to once and he started crying lol... she literally doesn’t want to be with him and would rather be with me. But she wants to stick it out because her friend group would be forever changed. But it doesn’t make sense because she can’t keep it up forever and she’s already cheating on him w me .I’m just very confused at this point. On one hand I’m okay being her friend because although she cheated on me last week, I know it’s because of her depression. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or what she wants. I asked her if she saw us together in the future out of curiosity as to how she moved on so fast, and she said yes.So there you have it, the only reason she is not leaving this new guy is because he’s in her friend group and that would make things awkward and she’s so insecure that she can’t lose her friends. I’d be down to stay friends with her because I understand that this breakup was due to her mental illness .I’ve struggled with depression in the past so I guess I empathize and that’s why I agreed to be her friend. Although I’ve come to terms with the relationship ending I really have no idea what’s going on and what she wants from me.We can’t even have a decent friendship because we are limited to her hiding me from her group of friends . Everyday I’m getting closer to just going no contact but I’m confused what’s going on. I know I can’t save her but I wanna be there for her as a friend . I know this relationship is bizarre and not healthy but I’m well adjusted after the breakup , even have some dates lined up , so I’m not in denial about loving her. I could never be with her anymore . But, I guess I don’t want to see her die .Tl:dr : romance with a depressed girl turns into psychedelic trip once she stopped her anti depressants and got really deep in suicidal tendencies. She’s lashed out and is self destructing in life, destroyed our relationship by cheating, and I’m her only support group now. I’ve coped with losing a loved one to mental illness but she still hits me up constantly while having a boyfriend to confide in me. I wanna do what’s best for her, and while I know I should leave; if I remove myself she had no support system, no one who knows who she truly is because she puts up a front. And I’m scared she will kill herself.