I (21F) want to get married to my girlfriend (24F) of 2 years, but I want a prenup first. She's completely against the idea. What to do?

Hey guys, so I'm in a bit of a bind here.

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I love my girlfriend. We have a great relationship, and been through so much together. I know I want her to be my life partner. I know we're young, but we've both had to grow up fast because of our family and life circumstances (being gay is hard sometimes lol). Right now we've lived together for over a year, and we practically act like a married couple already.

I want to actually get married, sometime in the near future (1-2 years). It's not just a romantic thing, I really want the practical benefits. I want the tax breaks. I want to make sure that if something happens to me, the big decisions are in her hands, not my family's. I also want to make sure she gets my stuff if I die, etc etc.

But here's the thing. I really, really want a prenup. I get that it sounds bad to want a breakup plan when I should be sure that I'm gonna love this person forever, but shit happens. People change, circumstances change. I'm not the same person today that I was 2 years ago, and neither is she. I won't be the same person 2, 5, 10, 20 years from now, and neither will she.

I've studied divorce cases. It's fucking ugly. People who once loved each other haggling over worthless crap, using their children as pawns. Prenups save so much time and heartbreak. We're both going to have not insignificant incomes in the future because of our educations, making this even more important to me. The more there is to fight over, the uglier it gets. That's my perspective. I don't see prenups as a bad thing, just a smart thing. I have a cold, no-nonsense perspective. It's not personal to her, it's just life.

My girlfriend...doesn't see it the same way. We've talked about marriage a lot, but have only breached the prenup convo once several months ago, and it wasn't pretty. Basically me saying "Yeah we'll have to figure out a good prenup first, obviously" and her going "Wait, your joking right? You don't trust me? Why would we need a prenup?" I saw that it was getting ugly, so I back tracked fast with a "No no of course I trust you, we'll talk about it later okay?"

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What do I do? How do I breach this topic again? Am I in the wrong, or should I try to convince her? Would it be wrong of me to say no prenup, no marriage? She really wants to get married too. Should we even get engaged without figuring this out? (I've been wanting to ask her). Help me reddit!

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TL;DR - My girlfriend and I want to get married, but I want a prenup and she really doesn't. I see it as a practical part of life, while she sees it as me not trusting her. Who's in the right, and how do we go about having the discussion?

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Submitted April 05, 2019 at 07:39PM

Hey guys, so I'm in a bit of a bind here.​I love my girlfriend. We have a great relationship, and been through so much together. I know I want her to be my life partner. I know we're young, but we've both had to grow up fast because of our family and life circumstances (being gay is hard sometimes lol). Right now we've lived together for over a year, and we practically act like a married couple already.I want to actually get married, sometime in the near future (1-2 years). It's not just a romantic thing, I really want the practical benefits. I want the tax breaks. I want to make sure that if something happens to me, the big decisions are in her hands, not my family's. I also want to make sure she gets my stuff if I die, etc etc.But here's the thing. I really, really want a prenup. I get that it sounds bad to want a breakup plan when I should be sure that I'm gonna love this person forever, but shit happens. People change, circumstances change. I'm not the same person today that I was 2 years ago, and neither is she. I won't be the same person 2, 5, 10, 20 years from now, and neither will she.I've studied divorce cases. It's fucking ugly. People who once loved each other haggling over worthless crap, using their children as pawns. Prenups save so much time and heartbreak. We're both going to have not insignificant incomes in the future because of our educations, making this even more important to me. The more there is to fight over, the uglier it gets. That's my perspective. I don't see prenups as a bad thing, just a smart thing. I have a cold, no-nonsense perspective. It's not personal to her, it's just life.My girlfriend...doesn't see it the same way. We've talked about marriage a lot, but have only breached the prenup convo once several months ago, and it wasn't pretty. Basically me saying "Yeah we'll have to figure out a good prenup first, obviously" and her going "Wait, your joking right? You don't trust me? Why would we need a prenup?" I saw that it was getting ugly, so I back tracked fast with a "No no of course I trust you, we'll talk about it later okay?"​What do I do? How do I breach this topic again? Am I in the wrong, or should I try to convince her? Would it be wrong of me to say no prenup, no marriage? She really wants to get married too. Should we even get engaged without figuring this out? (I've been wanting to ask her). Help me reddit!​TL;DR - My girlfriend and I want to get married, but I want a prenup and she really doesn't. I see it as a practical part of life, while she sees it as me not trusting her. Who's in the right, and how do we go about having the discussion?​​