the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

I (39M) was dating a young lady, lets call her Agatha (23F) that I had met through a mutual friend, lets call her Mercy. Initially we were paired up for a simple hookup. After meeting, however, we clicked and I wanted more than that. We discussed things and decided to take a casual approach to the situation.Of course there was a catch, it wasn't a concern, but she said things would be different if they weren't already talking to someone else, Chad seems appropriate. I know the man in question, as we all work together at the same company (not the best decision.) Anyways, this man, is married and he was in a position above her.

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Agatha and I ended up hanging out on my free weekends, spending all our free time together. Through our workday we spent our breaks together and sometimes in the evening we would speak on the phone. Even with the age gap, I saw potential. We had ended up making a bunch of plans even a month out in the future. Agatha seemed excited with everything but I slowly started to realize I was putting forth all of the effort and she really wasn't doing much at all. I thought this was okay, as it showed I wasn't afraid to take charge.

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One day I was talking to our mutual friend Mercy about things and that's when she broke down and said, "I have to tall you something." She then went on to tell me that Agatha had been sleeping with rich old men for money. My heart dropped! I think I experienced every possible emotion in a matter of seconds. I didn't know what to think. I had been putting forth all this time and effort into a person that clearly didn't care about herself.

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I ended up asking Agatha about it and she decided she was going to deny everything and deny everything she did. I pointed out that the pics were clearly her and the user id matched with her Snap Chat. After multiple attempts at lying I broke down and said I was more upset about the lies than I was that she was on the site in the first place. Then I proceeded to let her know if she wanted to continue to see me I would need to know about these things because it could impact me as well.

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Agatha finally admitted to everything. She said she met one guy twice over the course of the prior weekend. After processing all the information, we talked and she said she wanted to still see me. She had deactivated all of her accounts and reassured me that it wasn't going to keep happening. Oddly enough, we seemed stronger after this situation came to light. A couple days later she had invited me out to look at some houses with her and then we went out to dinner. It was a really nice time and things couldn't have seemed better.

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The very next day we made plans but about 20 minutes later she said she was going to stay home and do laundry. Keep in mind this is a Friday night. She could have used any excuse in the book but this seemed shady to me. I didn't make a big deal out of it and told her to have fun doing laundry. I tried to carry a conversation through text but she never responded so after a bit I texted again. Still no response. So after about an hour I called. No answer and still no text responses. I finally sent a text saying something seemed off. She finally called me back after a couple of hours stating she had gone to the mall to buy makeup and to get food but she couldn't answer because she was on the phone.

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This is where everything changed. I told her, "I don't believe you!" Because she was clearly not doing laundry. Agatha went from sweet to defensive and said I sounded like her controlling ex. Then she reminded me that we were not in a relationship and she didn't have to tell me shit. I tried explaining myself and she said, "Sorry you feel that way." Then proceeded to get off the phone to eat. That was the end of our conversation.

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I didn't sleep at all that night. I woke up and apologized for what I had said through text. I felt awful that I had reminded her of her ex. I know I probably didn't need to apologize considering everything but it is who I am. She eventually texting me back saying we should just be friends. It was over like that. I wasn't even worth the time to pick up the phone to make a call.

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Then Mercy gave me a call and pointed out all the shitty things Agatha had done to me and reassured me that she was not doing laundry. Mercy was convinced that Agatha was still crazy about this Chad and that there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't matter how good of a guy I was or what I did for her. I was a distraction as she had been waiting for a married man to leave his wife.

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I am happy I learned these things when I did but it still hurts to put in that kind of effort to be treated in such a way. I do not understand why people cannot be honest and straight forward. I honestly thought I was the perfect candidate. I'm attractive, smart, funny, and charismatic. I'm an amazing father and a fantastic cook. I'm open, honest, and have a big heart. However, at the end of the day, it wasn't enough. She is still interested in a man whom is cheating on his wife.

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*Edited for simplicity**

Submitted May 05, 2019 at 05:27PM

I (39M) was dating a young lady, lets call her Agatha (23F) that I had met through a mutual friend, lets call her Mercy. Initially we were paired up for a simple hookup. After meeting, however, we clicked and I wanted more than that. We discussed things and decided to take a casual approach to the situation.Of course there was a catch, it wasn't a concern, but she said things would be different if they weren't already talking to someone else, Chad seems appropriate. I know the man in question, as we all work together at the same company (not the best decision.) Anyways, this man, is married and he was in a position above her.​Agatha and I ended up hanging out on my free weekends, spending all our free time together. Through our workday we spent our breaks together and sometimes in the evening we would speak on the phone. Even with the age gap, I saw potential. We had ended up making a bunch of plans even a month out in the future. Agatha seemed excited with everything but I slowly started to realize I was putting forth all of the effort and she really wasn't doing much at all. I thought this was okay, as it showed I wasn't afraid to take charge.​One day I was talking to our mutual friend Mercy about things and that's when she broke down and said, "I have to tall you something." She then went on to tell me that Agatha had been sleeping with rich old men for money. My heart dropped! I think I experienced every possible emotion in a matter of seconds. I didn't know what to think. I had been putting forth all this time and effort into a person that clearly didn't care about herself.​I ended up asking Agatha about it and she decided she was going to deny everything and deny everything she did. I pointed out that the pics were clearly her and the user id matched with her Snap Chat. After multiple attempts at lying I broke down and said I was more upset about the lies than I was that she was on the site in the first place. Then I proceeded to let her know if she wanted to continue to see me I would need to know about these things because it could impact me as well.​Agatha finally admitted to everything. She said she met one guy twice over the course of the prior weekend. After processing all the information, we talked and she said she wanted to still see me. She had deactivated all of her accounts and reassured me that it wasn't going to keep happening. Oddly enough, we seemed stronger after this situation came to light. A couple days later she had invited me out to look at some houses with her and then we went out to dinner. It was a really nice time and things couldn't have seemed better.​The very next day we made plans but about 20 minutes later she said she was going to stay home and do laundry. Keep in mind this is a Friday night. She could have used any excuse in the book but this seemed shady to me. I didn't make a big deal out of it and told her to have fun doing laundry. I tried to carry a conversation through text but she never responded so after a bit I texted again. Still no response. So after about an hour I called. No answer and still no text responses. I finally sent a text saying something seemed off. She finally called me back after a couple of hours stating she had gone to the mall to buy makeup and to get food but she couldn't answer because she was on the phone.​This is where everything changed. I told her, "I don't believe you!" Because she was clearly not doing laundry. Agatha went from sweet to defensive and said I sounded like her controlling ex. Then she reminded me that we were not in a relationship and she didn't have to tell me shit. I tried explaining myself and she said, "Sorry you feel that way." Then proceeded to get off the phone to eat. That was the end of our conversation.​I didn't sleep at all that night. I woke up and apologized for what I had said through text. I felt awful that I had reminded her of her ex. I know I probably didn't need to apologize considering everything but it is who I am. She eventually texting me back saying we should just be friends. It was over like that. I wasn't even worth the time to pick up the phone to make a call.​Then Mercy gave me a call and pointed out all the shitty things Agatha had done to me and reassured me that she was not doing laundry. Mercy was convinced that Agatha was still crazy about this Chad and that there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't matter how good of a guy I was or what I did for her. I was a distraction as she had been waiting for a married man to leave his wife.​I am happy I learned these things when I did but it still hurts to put in that kind of effort to be treated in such a way. I do not understand why people cannot be honest and straight forward. I honestly thought I was the perfect candidate. I'm attractive, smart, funny, and charismatic. I'm an amazing father and a fantastic cook. I'm open, honest, and have a big heart. However, at the end of the day, it wasn't enough. She is still interested in a man whom is cheating on his wife.​*Edited for simplicity**