Stuck in a weird place, in a frustrating age bracket

Background: I'm a male in his late 20s. I still live with my parents (not a big deal, but should be moving out in a year). I started a new job last month, and I am doing very well in it.

But, dating has been an absolute nightmare. At my age, my group is kind of set in stone. No one new really comes around, people are getting married, my friends have become increasingly sedentary, etc. This is a huge problem because I struggle really badly in many social situations. I'm not meeting any girls through mutuals because of the transition everyone seems to be making into pre-married life. Now, it lies with me to somehow go out and meet girls.

I hate loud places. When there are too many people in a room, too much noise in general, I shut down. I start panicking on the inside, heart races, mind spins to the point that I might be able to speak at all. I should note that I am also Autistic. So, bars are dreadful. I'm a worker 9-5 and I don't know what activities I can even do to supplement my life. Also, girls my age are either taken, married, or in a weird state where they are seemingly trying to shack up with someone. I do not know if I will get married in the future, but I definitely do not want that right now. Maybe in a decade, but I still need to evaluate myself more. I also depend a lot on studying body language over the years because of my inadequacies in reading social cues, which makes social scenes fascinating to me.

I have also not had intercourse and feel like I am entering a world where everyone seems to be experienced with this, but with me it'd bring on an awkward relationship where I an a complete novice in this area.

I get so frustrated sometimes because the dating world is so centric around extroverts. It feels like the guy has to put 100% effort in the pickup game which feels so unfair to me. Plus, there are so many social cues involved which is a nightmare for someone like me.

Online dating does not help- it is disastrous in itself.

I am very unhappy with my situation and want this to change.

Something that recently brought upon more frustration. So long story short- my friend and I go to this one restaurant like once a week and hangout. There was a waitress that worked there very briefly, but we had this thing where I would catch her eyeing me and she'd do the quick turn away or a straight on smile. When we'd make eye contact, I noticed her eyes would do that dilation when someone is attracted to you. She wrote her name on the back of the receipt (they don't do that at this place), which I found supported my theory that she was into me. The next time we went she was on shift. We made our order and made some small talk. She kind of out-of-nowhere mentioned that she had a boyfriend, and my friend even pointed out to me that that was random. I honestly wanted to ask her out that night, but after that I didn't bother petitioning for her number. Then she left the job or whatever happened because we didn't see her again.

This was a couple of years ago. A few months ago, I went to a local bar because I was bored and hate being home (that's a whole 'nother issue which I won't go into here). There was a waitress there (she tended to the other tables), and I found her very pretty. I kept catching her checking me out and looking away when I'd look, and I found her incredibly pretty. I realized after I left it was the same person. I saw her recently when I was going for a walk in my neighborhood, but the butterflies are always so bad that I can hardly speak. I always wanted to go out with her, and this world gave me some of the luckiest opportunities anyone could have received. But, I still can't capitalize and I am tired of it.

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If I can somehow turn off my social anxiety, I would do it. I don't do well in clubs, bars, my group has kind of frozen, and I am totally lost right now. Not getting a date with this girl has frustrated me to the point that I was raging in my room, lying in my bed in writhing pain from my head's throbbing. I just don't know what to do.

Submitted May 06, 2019 at 12:43AM

Background: I'm a male in his late 20s. I still live with my parents (not a big deal, but should be moving out in a year). I started a new job last month, and I am doing very well in it.But, dating has been an absolute nightmare. At my age, my group is kind of set in stone. No one new really comes around, people are getting married, my friends have become increasingly sedentary, etc. This is a huge problem because I struggle really badly in many social situations. I'm not meeting any girls through mutuals because of the transition everyone seems to be making into pre-married life. Now, it lies with me to somehow go out and meet girls.I hate loud places. When there are too many people in a room, too much noise in general, I shut down. I start panicking on the inside, heart races, mind spins to the point that I might be able to speak at all. I should note that I am also Autistic. So, bars are dreadful. I'm a worker 9-5 and I don't know what activities I can even do to supplement my life. Also, girls my age are either taken, married, or in a weird state where they are seemingly trying to shack up with someone. I do not know if I will get married in the future, but I definitely do not want that right now. Maybe in a decade, but I still need to evaluate myself more. I also depend a lot on studying body language over the years because of my inadequacies in reading social cues, which makes social scenes fascinating to me.I have also not had intercourse and feel like I am entering a world where everyone seems to be experienced with this, but with me it'd bring on an awkward relationship where I an a complete novice in this area.I get so frustrated sometimes because the dating world is so centric around extroverts. It feels like the guy has to put 100% effort in the pickup game which feels so unfair to me. Plus, there are so many social cues involved which is a nightmare for someone like me.Online dating does not help- it is disastrous in itself.I am very unhappy with my situation and want this to change.Something that recently brought upon more frustration. So long story short- my friend and I go to this one restaurant like once a week and hangout. There was a waitress that worked there very briefly, but we had this thing where I would catch her eyeing me and she'd do the quick turn away or a straight on smile. When we'd make eye contact, I noticed her eyes would do that dilation when someone is attracted to you. She wrote her name on the back of the receipt (they don't do that at this place), which I found supported my theory that she was into me. The next time we went she was on shift. We made our order and made some small talk. She kind of out-of-nowhere mentioned that she had a boyfriend, and my friend even pointed out to me that that was random. I honestly wanted to ask her out that night, but after that I didn't bother petitioning for her number. Then she left the job or whatever happened because we didn't see her again.This was a couple of years ago. A few months ago, I went to a local bar because I was bored and hate being home (that's a whole 'nother issue which I won't go into here). There was a waitress there (she tended to the other tables), and I found her very pretty. I kept catching her checking me out and looking away when I'd look, and I found her incredibly pretty. I realized after I left it was the same person. I saw her recently when I was going for a walk in my neighborhood, but the butterflies are always so bad that I can hardly speak. I always wanted to go out with her, and this world gave me some of the luckiest opportunities anyone could have received. But, I still can't capitalize and I am tired of it.​If I can somehow turn off my social anxiety, I would do it. I don't do well in clubs, bars, my group has kind of frozen, and I am totally lost right now. Not getting a date with this girl has frustrated me to the point that I was raging in my room, lying in my bed in writhing pain from my head's throbbing. I just don't know what to do.