Women in their 30s are invisible to me apparently

I (33M) didn’t have the best dating experiences growing up in NY. Was frustrated by it in my 20s, but have some more clarity about it now that I’m in my 30s.

I was a skinny little twig and kind of nerdy, so certainly can’t blame women for not taking much of a chance on me.

Fast-forward a decade, I’m now getting attention from random girls on the street and hit on in bars. This has never happened before. I mean I’ve filled out quite well since my 20s and look/feel more masculine but I’m still that nerdy little kid on the inside. Used to look like Justin Long, now resemble Taylor Kitsch while still feeling like a Justin Long. If that makes any sense.

Now, I’ve always been attracted to girls in the 18-22 year old age group. I think most guys are, so that itself isn’t too weird. But even in my 30s, that’s still who I’m most attracted to. Just a theory, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that girls in their 20s rejected me when I was that age.

I re-connected with female school friends who are my age and the unmarried ones (who never paid any real attention to me before) are hitting me up constantly. And I’ve certainly dated women closer to my age before. But after hanging out recently with one (who thought we were on a date, I thought we were just hanging out), she said, “it’s like we (women over 30) are invisible to you guys.”

And she’s so damn chill as a person, makes really good money working a high power job in the fashion industry, is still pretty, and generally has her shit together. But subconsciously, I was way more eager about a date I had lined up with a 20s bartender who, for all I know, could be a raging mess of a human being. For some inexplicable reason, I’ve subconsciously filed women over 30 into some “undateable/unmarriageable” category.

I’m more curious to hear from the guys on this, especially if you have had similar experiences and what you did about it. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this.

I want to give 30s women a chance because on paper, they compare more favorably to 20s women. But what makes so much logical sense right now just completely goes out the window when I meet 20s women. It just ignites a spark inside me that I don’t get with 30s women.

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 06:33AM

I (33M) didn’t have the best dating experiences growing up in NY. Was frustrated by it in my 20s, but have some more clarity about it now that I’m in my 30s.I was a skinny little twig and kind of nerdy, so certainly can’t blame women for not taking much of a chance on me.Fast-forward a decade, I’m now getting attention from random girls on the street and hit on in bars. This has never happened before. I mean I’ve filled out quite well since my 20s and look/feel more masculine but I’m still that nerdy little kid on the inside. Used to look like Justin Long, now resemble Taylor Kitsch while still feeling like a Justin Long. If that makes any sense.Now, I’ve always been attracted to girls in the 18-22 year old age group. I think most guys are, so that itself isn’t too weird. But even in my 30s, that’s still who I’m most attracted to. Just a theory, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that girls in their 20s rejected me when I was that age.I re-connected with female school friends who are my age and the unmarried ones (who never paid any real attention to me before) are hitting me up constantly. And I’ve certainly dated women closer to my age before. But after hanging out recently with one (who thought we were on a date, I thought we were just hanging out), she said, “it’s like we (women over 30) are invisible to you guys.”And she’s so damn chill as a person, makes really good money working a high power job in the fashion industry, is still pretty, and generally has her shit together. But subconsciously, I was way more eager about a date I had lined up with a 20s bartender who, for all I know, could be a raging mess of a human being. For some inexplicable reason, I’ve subconsciously filed women over 30 into some “undateable/unmarriageable” category.I’m more curious to hear from the guys on this, especially if you have had similar experiences and what you did about it. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this.I want to give 30s women a chance because on paper, they compare more favorably to 20s women. But what makes so much logical sense right now just completely goes out the window when I meet 20s women. It just ignites a spark inside me that I don’t get with 30s women.