I (21F) can’t get over a guy (26M) that I was barely seeing.

Originally posted on r/confessions but was redirected here. It’s late and I’m in my head again. I still can’t stop thinking about him. I almost messaged him. But didn’t.

Full disclosure: these are emotions I've been burying for a few months and finally done finals and got wine drunk and high.

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I was seeing a guy for maybe a month. And we only saw each other on Tuesdays, since he works and I'm a full-time student.

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I'll go from the start... We met because of sports (he tried out for my team). We had flirted over chat, sent pics, so when he asked me over - I went over and thought it was just a ONS. But then he asked me over again... and I said okay. And both nights we started off on the couch, just talking, work our way onto the bed, and end up having sex... But since we'd be done around 4am, he offered to let me stay until it was bright out. I told myself: this is nice, because it's dark and obviously I'm a young lady - he's just being a nice person.

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But we don't ever just sleep right away, so we'd end up talking, opening up, and he told me that he needs to be able to be pretty vulnerable to have sex with someone. And by that point, I'm so sleepy - I just end up cuddling into him, and we sleep. He melted my heart. And I was finally opening up after I was assaulted. He knew about the assault too, and didn't pressure me at all. He was a real nice guy, and would kiss my face and make me laugh. And the talking wasn't just, talking to talk. He told me about a lot of his relationship fears, what he wants for himself, his family. We both talked about how hard it is for us to open up, and we both have used/use sex as a coping mechanism to avoid getting hurt in a relationship. The sex was amazing, and idk if it was because I felt so connected to him, or he kissed me in all the right spots - but, fuck, I started to fall for this guy. But then I got busy for a while with school, then ended up going home to my parents for a few days. And we still talked here and there - mostly how was your day, and that jazz.

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Alright, so then I come back to town and he asks me over after a few days. I said no (part of me was honestly too tired, the other part just didn't want to catch feels), suggested another time, but then he told me he's leaving town tomorrow (for work) and moving back to his hometown. I told myself to just end it there. But I couldn't. I go over anyway, and he brings me into the bed - but didn't take my clothes off, he was just kissing me, and holding me. So yea, a girls got needs and I go down on him, he pulls me up (doing all the "I want you" and "can I take your panties off?"). I start getting on top and we kiss like Pompeii had erupted nearby. I just needed him. And, I'm not even fucking kidding, I've never felt this kind of passion before, for any guy. Fuck, this one part fucks me up - that feeling I'd never felt before and can barely describe.

Ya one problem: I realized I was on my period. Cup in, and everything. I let him know and he says that's okay, and pulls me into him to cuddle. He kisses me some more. And he falls asleep with himself around me. I contemplate leaving. I roll around a little, try to get myself out, but he just kept pulling me in. I was all in my head the whole night - didn't sleep. Then, I try to get to the bathroom after a few hours, and he grabs my arm as I'm getting up. I told him I was just using the bathroom. And then I'm peeing, thinking about getting my stuff and just leaving. Disappear. I've done it before to ONS's, so this would be fine. Except, I didn't. I got back into the bed. He wraps himself around me again, and I fall asleep. He wakes me up with kisses. First all around my face, my nose, my forehead. Until I open my eyes and he kisses my lips. And we're being stupid cute in bed, and we share more stories to make each other laugh.

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And then I say goodbye.

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A few weeks pass, and we've drunk texted twice - about how we miss each other, about how we wish we had a few more nights... but then we'd go back to sending nudes and small talk. I kept telling myself that it wasn't anything, and we were both too polite to just ghost the other. After a big chunk of papers being due, a bunch of my friends and I went out and all got stupid drunk. I drunk texted him again and then went a little too far, and told him that I had feelings for him. He told me to have a goodnight, and essentially stopped replying. The next morning, I'm sporting a huge hangover and realized what I've done. The night wasn't all clear, so really, I was half shocked and half ashamed. I muster up enough courage to say, basically, "sorry about last night - we should stop talking, maybe when I'm done with this crush we can be friends, and please don't share my pictures." He replied just "don't worry, I wouldn't ever share your pictures." That was enough for him and me, I guess. Ok jumping forward: few more weeks, I get drunk, send him nudes - he doesn't reply.

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Now I'm here. Thinking about him. Because I'm watching The Notebook. And I keep thinking about how, what if, he felt something too. Guys don't normally do all that just to keep getting a girl to come around. And I've been with A LOT of guys. (Refer to using sex as a coping mechanism). When I go out, I can't stop thinking about him. I think about him before bed, and how I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to text him, but know I shouldn't. The logic side of me wouldn't let myself.

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I'll get over him, eventually. But what if I don't. And when I get proposed to one day, I think of him (like when Ally thought of Noah during her proposal).

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Okay, that's enough rambling. I'll stop. I miss him, and I've never really experienced this kind of ache before.

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TLDR: caught feels after seeing a guy 3 times. Currently wine drunk and watching The Notebook. Crying. Cried start to finish of writing this.

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 06:39AM

Originally posted on r/confessions but was redirected here. It’s late and I’m in my head again. I still can’t stop thinking about him. I almost messaged him. But didn’t.Full disclosure: these are emotions I've been burying for a few months and finally done finals and got wine drunk and high.​I was seeing a guy for maybe a month. And we only saw each other on Tuesdays, since he works and I'm a full-time student.​I'll go from the start... We met because of sports (he tried out for my team). We had flirted over chat, sent pics, so when he asked me over - I went over and thought it was just a ONS. But then he asked me over again... and I said okay. And both nights we started off on the couch, just talking, work our way onto the bed, and end up having sex... But since we'd be done around 4am, he offered to let me stay until it was bright out. I told myself: this is nice, because it's dark and obviously I'm a young lady - he's just being a nice person.​But we don't ever just sleep right away, so we'd end up talking, opening up, and he told me that he needs to be able to be pretty vulnerable to have sex with someone. And by that point, I'm so sleepy - I just end up cuddling into him, and we sleep. He melted my heart. And I was finally opening up after I was assaulted. He knew about the assault too, and didn't pressure me at all. He was a real nice guy, and would kiss my face and make me laugh. And the talking wasn't just, talking to talk. He told me about a lot of his relationship fears, what he wants for himself, his family. We both talked about how hard it is for us to open up, and we both have used/use sex as a coping mechanism to avoid getting hurt in a relationship. The sex was amazing, and idk if it was because I felt so connected to him, or he kissed me in all the right spots - but, fuck, I started to fall for this guy. But then I got busy for a while with school, then ended up going home to my parents for a few days. And we still talked here and there - mostly how was your day, and that jazz.​Alright, so then I come back to town and he asks me over after a few days. I said no (part of me was honestly too tired, the other part just didn't want to catch feels), suggested another time, but then he told me he's leaving town tomorrow (for work) and moving back to his hometown. I told myself to just end it there. But I couldn't. I go over anyway, and he brings me into the bed - but didn't take my clothes off, he was just kissing me, and holding me. So yea, a girls got needs and I go down on him, he pulls me up (doing all the "I want you" and "can I take your panties off?"). I start getting on top and we kiss like Pompeii had erupted nearby. I just needed him. And, I'm not even fucking kidding, I've never felt this kind of passion before, for any guy. Fuck, this one part fucks me up - that feeling I'd never felt before and can barely describe.Ya one problem: I realized I was on my period. Cup in, and everything. I let him know and he says that's okay, and pulls me into him to cuddle. He kisses me some more. And he falls asleep with himself around me. I contemplate leaving. I roll around a little, try to get myself out, but he just kept pulling me in. I was all in my head the whole night - didn't sleep. Then, I try to get to the bathroom after a few hours, and he grabs my arm as I'm getting up. I told him I was just using the bathroom. And then I'm peeing, thinking about getting my stuff and just leaving. Disappear. I've done it before to ONS's, so this would be fine. Except, I didn't. I got back into the bed. He wraps himself around me again, and I fall asleep. He wakes me up with kisses. First all around my face, my nose, my forehead. Until I open my eyes and he kisses my lips. And we're being stupid cute in bed, and we share more stories to make each other laugh.​And then I say goodbye.​A few weeks pass, and we've drunk texted twice - about how we miss each other, about how we wish we had a few more nights... but then we'd go back to sending nudes and small talk. I kept telling myself that it wasn't anything, and we were both too polite to just ghost the other. After a big chunk of papers being due, a bunch of my friends and I went out and all got stupid drunk. I drunk texted him again and then went a little too far, and told him that I had feelings for him. He told me to have a goodnight, and essentially stopped replying. The next morning, I'm sporting a huge hangover and realized what I've done. The night wasn't all clear, so really, I was half shocked and half ashamed. I muster up enough courage to say, basically, "sorry about last night - we should stop talking, maybe when I'm done with this crush we can be friends, and please don't share my pictures." He replied just "don't worry, I wouldn't ever share your pictures." That was enough for him and me, I guess. Ok jumping forward: few more weeks, I get drunk, send him nudes - he doesn't reply.​Now I'm here. Thinking about him. Because I'm watching The Notebook. And I keep thinking about how, what if, he felt something too. Guys don't normally do all that just to keep getting a girl to come around. And I've been with A LOT of guys. (Refer to using sex as a coping mechanism). When I go out, I can't stop thinking about him. I think about him before bed, and how I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to text him, but know I shouldn't. The logic side of me wouldn't let myself.​I'll get over him, eventually. But what if I don't. And when I get proposed to one day, I think of him (like when Ally thought of Noah during her proposal).​Okay, that's enough rambling. I'll stop. I miss him, and I've never really experienced this kind of ache before.​TLDR: caught feels after seeing a guy 3 times. Currently wine drunk and watching The Notebook. Crying. Cried start to finish of writing this.