/u/mia_ag13 on Friend reacted poorly to me being ace and now I don’t know how to feel

That’s a really interesting perspective, bc a lot of people have pointed out that she may have some internalized misogynistic views in that, as a woman, she believes she owes her partner sex. I never considered that the opposite may also be causing discomfort - the idea that her partner could not want sex in the first place. That challenges her own sexual desires, as well as her understanding of how relationships function.

And that’s a great point - I mean, until I figured out that I’m ace, I never even realized that talking about what you and your partner desire of one another re sex and intimacy is something that you can and should do. I always thought of sex as something that’s necessary for a relationship to function, which is obviously an extremely toxic mindset. That mindset is what made it so hard for me to start relationships, bc I was afraid of my own lack of interest in sex. I’m sure she had similar thoughts in that she believed that sex was an unspoken agreement in a relationship, and having those types of beliefs challenged is scary.

April 26, 2019 at 05:11AM