I (M/20) feel like my partner (NB/23) of about a year doesn't reciprocate.

So, this is a throwaway account, obviously by my name, so can talk about this.

Me and my partner have been dating for a while now but I've felt like things have been changing. It could be because finals. It could be because we're at different parts of the our lives but I'll still give some context. We've been stressed out about a lot.

I'm, quite honestly, jealous of them. I don't have a car (I have a 2 hour commute on transit, might I add), they do. I'm not always talkative, they are. I'm not staying with my parents (notably because my father passed when I was young and my mom is on disability and relying on me), they are. I don't have a huge circle of friends, they do. They don't have to pay significant bills, I do. I don't really have a support group, they do. I don't have a super reliable job, they do. Ect. I don't really have anything over them other than that I'm taller and my mental state is a little more stable.

On the other hand though...

I still love them so very very much. They make me see so much in life and they want me to experience more. They're the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person before I go to sleep. I love them more than anything. They're incredibly supportive and they help me.

I'll gloat about them a little more later, I'm going to explain why I'm writing this.

I feel like I'm a relatively selfless person. I, more often than not. I give people the first serving before I even grab my plate, so to speak. My relationship with my significant other, let's call them Taylor, isn't an acception. I'm very open-minded, especially with my partner. They're ace and non-binary (which is extremely awesome, tbh) and I think is a very important part of their identity.

The conflict is this.

When we go out, which is often, it's usually around $30-40. I pick up the tab. Pretty much always. I also give them gas money periodically, and I'm always an ear to listen when they have an issue. They do this for me too, don't get me wrong. We're pretty much equal in emotional respects, and I love that about us...

When it comes to me, however, I don't... Get much. Yeah, they'll pay here and there. The most a tab would ever be would be $15-20, I do my best to not be a burden on them. As they do me, obviously. When I get depressed, they tend to as well and I know it because I'm not feeling well that they aren't. But I still end up helping them even though I'm the one having trouble. Even music, which we've both gone to school for, is tossed a little bit. I sit and listen to whatever they give me or play, when I choose, it feels like I'm playing roulette sometimes because it'll have something they don't like, or they're "not feeling" my music today. I try my best to consider them, and especially their mental illnesses, in almost every action I take and I still feel shafted in the long run. I wish money didn't feel like a major factor in this bit we're both college students in really different parts in our carriers.

I do love them dearly though. They're really kind to me, they're extremely compassionate, that make me feel like I deserve good, and we have been talking about how we could make things better... But...

It doesn't mean that I have an easy time talking about everything. Might I add, it makes it very difficult to talk about how I feel because they don't want me to bottle things up or to not talk about it because of their mental illness. This doesn't have anything to do with illness. I'm just trying to see if my feelings are justified.

Tl;Dr: I spend a lot of time/energy/money on my significant other and I feel like I'm not getting a whole lot back, especially since they have more than me in almost every way. Am I right to feel this way?

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 05:49AM

So, this is a throwaway account, obviously by my name, so can talk about this.Me and my partner have been dating for a while now but I've felt like things have been changing. It could be because finals. It could be because we're at different parts of the our lives but I'll still give some context. We've been stressed out about a lot.I'm, quite honestly, jealous of them. I don't have a car (I have a 2 hour commute on transit, might I add), they do. I'm not always talkative, they are. I'm not staying with my parents (notably because my father passed when I was young and my mom is on disability and relying on me), they are. I don't have a huge circle of friends, they do. They don't have to pay significant bills, I do. I don't really have a support group, they do. I don't have a super reliable job, they do. Ect. I don't really have anything over them other than that I'm taller and my mental state is a little more stable.On the other hand though...I still love them so very very much. They make me see so much in life and they want me to experience more. They're the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person before I go to sleep. I love them more than anything. They're incredibly supportive and they help me.I'll gloat about them a little more later, I'm going to explain why I'm writing this.I feel like I'm a relatively selfless person. I, more often than not. I give people the first serving before I even grab my plate, so to speak. My relationship with my significant other, let's call them Taylor, isn't an acception. I'm very open-minded, especially with my partner. They're ace and non-binary (which is extremely awesome, tbh) and I think is a very important part of their identity.The conflict is this.When we go out, which is often, it's usually around $30-40. I pick up the tab. Pretty much always. I also give them gas money periodically, and I'm always an ear to listen when they have an issue. They do this for me too, don't get me wrong. We're pretty much equal in emotional respects, and I love that about us...When it comes to me, however, I don't... Get much. Yeah, they'll pay here and there. The most a tab would ever be would be $15-20, I do my best to not be a burden on them. As they do me, obviously. When I get depressed, they tend to as well and I know it because I'm not feeling well that they aren't. But I still end up helping them even though I'm the one having trouble. Even music, which we've both gone to school for, is tossed a little bit. I sit and listen to whatever they give me or play, when I choose, it feels like I'm playing roulette sometimes because it'll have something they don't like, or they're "not feeling" my music today. I try my best to consider them, and especially their mental illnesses, in almost every action I take and I still feel shafted in the long run. I wish money didn't feel like a major factor in this bit we're both college students in really different parts in our carriers.I do love them dearly though. They're really kind to me, they're extremely compassionate, that make me feel like I deserve good, and we have been talking about how we could make things better... But...It doesn't mean that I have an easy time talking about everything. Might I add, it makes it very difficult to talk about how I feel because they don't want me to bottle things up or to not talk about it because of their mental illness. This doesn't have anything to do with illness. I'm just trying to see if my feelings are justified.Tl;Dr: I spend a lot of time/energy/money on my significant other and I feel like I'm not getting a whole lot back, especially since they have more than me in almost every way. Am I right to feel this way?