Her (22F) and I (25M) are fighting over how we spend our time, and it's tearing at our relationship

Hello, would really appreciate input on this. I'll be objective as possible, and start with the good.

TL;DR: While I make time to spend with her, she feels we need do be spending more when we see each other on weeknights. When I go do my own thing for an hour (video games, TV, etc.) she'll get angry and we'll fight later. I've told her that I need a bit of time alone to wind down every day, but she considers it as me placing it as a priority over her. These fights are tearing at our relationship.

The good

As a preface, we've been together for just over a year. She's very sweet, affectionate, and loving. She's grateful for little things. She's supportive. I love her personality and playfulness. We have strong chemistry. Our sex life is good. And much more, but right now my mind is on fixing the problem.

The bad

This is the part that's worrying, because we've been fighting regularly. We've had our share of fights over different things, but many of those issues we had are solved. One thing we've struggled with is regarding how we spend our time.

We always spend weekends together. Often, we'll see each other during the week, she'll come over and spend the night, often on a Thursday, then we have the weekend together. We often fight on the Thursdays because of how we spend our time.

Here's the thing. While I'm not a big introvert, I do have habits, so I like to have some alone time every evening. During the week, I like to play video games, browse YouTube, reddit, etc. When she's not around, I can do this for 2-3 hours and be content.

When she's over in the evenings, I'll do this less. Of course I like to spend time with her. But she'll often get annoyed if later in the evening I take an hour to do my own thing, because she hasn't seen me in several days and wants to spend time with me. For her, quality time means no TV, cuddling, talking, and so on.

I'm perfectly ok with this, and I like our quality time. And I know what she likes – a lot of affection and cuddling, and I like to give and receive. But eventually, I'll go get something to eat, want to turn the TV on, and she'll get annoyed and storm out, and she'll be cold towards me the rest of the evening. If I try to talk to her about it her points are that it's almost as if I'm counting the time we're spending together before I can go play video games. I calmly talk to her, but she'll get irritated and emotional, sometimes shouting, crying. Sometimes we'll go to sleep at odds and then argue in the morning. Most of the time, I'm calm and she's erratic, but I've accepted she has this emotional nature (really playful and sweet in a good mood, livid when she's angry).

Last week for instance we had this argument, similar to how I've described. We got over it the next day. Yesterday we got together for the first time since the weekend. We went out for a walk by the river, had some ice cream, came home. Cuddled for half an hour and talked. Then with an hour left in my day, I went to play a video game, and the same situation started. Now this morning there was crying, shouting, and so on. She argues that I'd rather play video games than be with her, that I'm punishing her by arguing with her about her wanting to be close to me and spend time together, and so on.

I feel this captures most of it, I won't go any further.

I'm curious as to feedback you may have, I'm really looking for an outside perspective on this. I can provide more info if needed.

I feel these fights are really tearing at our relationship. I really feel it's something truly special and it hurts that we often fight on this topic. It's not always just weeknights, but mostly. Weekends we usually do ok, as even if I spend a few hours doing my own thing I always make sure that we still do things together, like watch a movie, go out to eat, go shopping, eat a homemade dinner on the table (no TV), lie down for an hour talking, being intimate, etc.

Would really your input. Thanks!

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 06:23AM

Hello, would really appreciate input on this. I'll be objective as possible, and start with the good.TL;DR: While I make time to spend with her, she feels we need do be spending more when we see each other on weeknights. When I go do my own thing for an hour (video games, TV, etc.) she'll get angry and we'll fight later. I've told her that I need a bit of time alone to wind down every day, but she considers it as me placing it as a priority over her. These fights are tearing at our relationship.The goodAs a preface, we've been together for just over a year. She's very sweet, affectionate, and loving. She's grateful for little things. She's supportive. I love her personality and playfulness. We have strong chemistry. Our sex life is good. And much more, but right now my mind is on fixing the problem.The badThis is the part that's worrying, because we've been fighting regularly. We've had our share of fights over different things, but many of those issues we had are solved. One thing we've struggled with is regarding how we spend our time.We always spend weekends together. Often, we'll see each other during the week, she'll come over and spend the night, often on a Thursday, then we have the weekend together. We often fight on the Thursdays because of how we spend our time.Here's the thing. While I'm not a big introvert, I do have habits, so I like to have some alone time every evening. During the week, I like to play video games, browse YouTube, reddit, etc. When she's not around, I can do this for 2-3 hours and be content.When she's over in the evenings, I'll do this less. Of course I like to spend time with her. But she'll often get annoyed if later in the evening I take an hour to do my own thing, because she hasn't seen me in several days and wants to spend time with me. For her, quality time means no TV, cuddling, talking, and so on.I'm perfectly ok with this, and I like our quality time. And I know what she likes – a lot of affection and cuddling, and I like to give and receive. But eventually, I'll go get something to eat, want to turn the TV on, and she'll get annoyed and storm out, and she'll be cold towards me the rest of the evening. If I try to talk to her about it her points are that it's almost as if I'm counting the time we're spending together before I can go play video games. I calmly talk to her, but she'll get irritated and emotional, sometimes shouting, crying. Sometimes we'll go to sleep at odds and then argue in the morning. Most of the time, I'm calm and she's erratic, but I've accepted she has this emotional nature (really playful and sweet in a good mood, livid when she's angry).Last week for instance we had this argument, similar to how I've described. We got over it the next day. Yesterday we got together for the first time since the weekend. We went out for a walk by the river, had some ice cream, came home. Cuddled for half an hour and talked. Then with an hour left in my day, I went to play a video game, and the same situation started. Now this morning there was crying, shouting, and so on. She argues that I'd rather play video games than be with her, that I'm punishing her by arguing with her about her wanting to be close to me and spend time together, and so on.I feel this captures most of it, I won't go any further.I'm curious as to feedback you may have, I'm really looking for an outside perspective on this. I can provide more info if needed.I feel these fights are really tearing at our relationship. I really feel it's something truly special and it hurts that we often fight on this topic. It's not always just weeknights, but mostly. Weekends we usually do ok, as even if I spend a few hours doing my own thing I always make sure that we still do things together, like watch a movie, go out to eat, go shopping, eat a homemade dinner on the table (no TV), lie down for an hour talking, being intimate, etc.Would really your input. Thanks!