Seeing a new guy, and it’s been great but...

Long time lurker, first time poster! Just hoping for a little support/insight and to write down my thoughts, I suppose.

I’ve been dating a really great guy recently. We were put in contact by a mutual acquaintance about 2 1/2 months ago, we texted back and forth for a couple weeks then ended up meeting for the first time over drinks and having a great time. We’ve seen each other once a week since then. We both work a lot, so that works for us.

4 dates in we slept together. It was great, nothing awkward happened, our communication didn’t change after and we’ve continued to see each other. The second time we got physical he casually said that he had never slept with anyone that wasn’t a girlfriend. The next time we were together I let slip after a couple glasses of wine that I wasn’t really looking for a relationship. Which isn’t strictly the truth, I think in the moment I was just trying to create a little space between us as he had been instigating some pretty deep, intense conversation. I just felt like things were starting to escalate in a way I wasn’t ready for.

His response was “That’s ok”, he changed the subject, and left shortly after. When we were texting the next day he felt a little off so I tried to clarify and basically said “When I said I’m not looking for a relationship I just meant that I like to take things slow. I’ve dated a couple guys in the past year that wanted to jump into things and that’s not really my speed.” His response was “I understand” and to change the subject. Since then, his communication style has changed a bit. I definitely feel like he’s been pulling away—his texts back aren’t as fast or detailed, he doesn’t ask as many questions, less “sweet” than he has been. I haven’t seen him since, but we have a date set up tomorrow.

I’m being honest when I say I like him a lot but I’d like to take a little more time. We talk daily but we’ve only met in person I think 7 or 8 times. Am I justified in wanting to get to know him more before putting a “label” on it? Is that even what he wants? Should I bring it up again? Casually put it out there that I’m not seeing other people? Leave it alone for now and just try to reassure him with my actions? I’m kind of at a loss. He admits he’s an over-thinker and I think he is also pretty sensitive. I don’t want him to think I’m dicking him around but also don’t want to initiate that conversation again if it’s a dead horse. Any thoughts appreciated!

Submitted April 25, 2019 at 11:38PM

Long time lurker, first time poster! Just hoping for a little support/insight and to write down my thoughts, I suppose.I’ve been dating a really great guy recently. We were put in contact by a mutual acquaintance about 2 1/2 months ago, we texted back and forth for a couple weeks then ended up meeting for the first time over drinks and having a great time. We’ve seen each other once a week since then. We both work a lot, so that works for us.4 dates in we slept together. It was great, nothing awkward happened, our communication didn’t change after and we’ve continued to see each other. The second time we got physical he casually said that he had never slept with anyone that wasn’t a girlfriend. The next time we were together I let slip after a couple glasses of wine that I wasn’t really looking for a relationship. Which isn’t strictly the truth, I think in the moment I was just trying to create a little space between us as he had been instigating some pretty deep, intense conversation. I just felt like things were starting to escalate in a way I wasn’t ready for.His response was “That’s ok”, he changed the subject, and left shortly after. When we were texting the next day he felt a little off so I tried to clarify and basically said “When I said I’m not looking for a relationship I just meant that I like to take things slow. I’ve dated a couple guys in the past year that wanted to jump into things and that’s not really my speed.” His response was “I understand” and to change the subject. Since then, his communication style has changed a bit. I definitely feel like he’s been pulling away—his texts back aren’t as fast or detailed, he doesn’t ask as many questions, less “sweet” than he has been. I haven’t seen him since, but we have a date set up tomorrow.I’m being honest when I say I like him a lot but I’d like to take a little more time. We talk daily but we’ve only met in person I think 7 or 8 times. Am I justified in wanting to get to know him more before putting a “label” on it? Is that even what he wants? Should I bring it up again? Casually put it out there that I’m not seeing other people? Leave it alone for now and just try to reassure him with my actions? I’m kind of at a loss. He admits he’s an over-thinker and I think he is also pretty sensitive. I don’t want him to think I’m dicking him around but also don’t want to initiate that conversation again if it’s a dead horse. Any thoughts appreciated!