My [31M] wife [29F] of 2 years, 11 together, is extremely upset about me going to a military exercise.

Okay, this may require some background. My wife is American, I'm just a GC holder, even though I've lived here for almost 25 years. She is coming up on 3 months pregnant, we don't really argue, we actually get along great and I have no complaints, except today.

Anyway, my country of origin, until 2010ish, required that every male over the age of 18 complete mandatory military service. Even though I lived abroad, I got called (not uncommon) and I served (somewhat uncommon for people living abroad).

This was while we were together, and even though it was hard, we worked through it. Since then, we have gone to visit my home country many times. She knows I feel strongly toward it (I am a patriot, realistically speaking). My wife is, mixed ethnicity to say the least. She's part European, part South Asian, part East Asian. She has no attachement to any country, it's really beyond her.

Another thing to note is that, in spite of me having lived in the US for so long, I technically still live in my home country, at least according to it. I have a driver's license, an ID card, I'm a registered voter, I have an address, an apartment, I have a bank account, I've served in the army, I pay taxes, etc... I also feel that my home country is, my country. I don't feel any attachement to the US whatsoever. I'm here for the $$$, that is it. My wife is well aware of all this.

About a month ago, I received, in the mail there, a call to a military exercise. This is a fifteen day thing. It's done every 10 years or so, so that you are still prepared, as much a conscript can be, to go into combat if the need arises. I was told about it by my cousin, who picks up my mail. He told me the dates I verified by calling the ministry. If I don't go, I've evaded an obligation to the state, and will get arrested the next time I enter the country, I think the penalty is 3 months in prison, I'm not sure, didn't really care because it never occurred to me to evade. The exercise is in August.

So I told my wife I have to go to home country in August for two weeks, and figured I would extend it up to a month to see friends and family. I'm a contractor, so vacation isn't an issue. It didn't even occur to me not to go, even if I had a job, I'd quit to go (which is what I did the first time). Money isn't an issue either. I offered for her to go with me, at least for the part when I'm not serving.

Yeah, she doesn't like it. Actually, she hates it. It turned into a big argument. About how I'm abondoning her when she's pregnant. I was shocked, honestly. She knows my feelings toward my country, she knows I would never evade an obligation to my state, and that if I cannot visit my country, my friends and family there, that I would likely jump off a bridge. She knew this when we started dating, and I figured my service when I did it would have made that abundantly clear.

It should proabably also be noted that roughly every 50 years or so, my country goes to war. We're coming up on 20 since our last war, and tensions in the region aren't the greatest. There's nothing on the horizon, but realistically, no one really knows, a war could break out tomorrow, and no one would be that surprised. My wife is aware of this, and asked my what I would do if they called me to serve in that case. I told her I would serve. I've told her this a few times before when asked. My loyalty lies with my country and my family. If my family is taken care of in America (which they are) I have to go and protect both my country and my family back home. Well since then, I've gotten the silent treatment.

I honestly don't know what to do, not serving is not an option for me. My wife has been well aware of this since January 2010, but is now making a stink about it. I get it that she's pregnant, but if I can't stand up for my country when it needs me, then I'm not fit to raise a child and stand up for him/her in its hour of need either.

How can I make her see this?

TLDR: home country called me to serve, wife thinks I'm picking my country over my family, but the two go hand in hand for me.

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 06:15AM

Okay, this may require some background. My wife is American, I'm just a GC holder, even though I've lived here for almost 25 years. She is coming up on 3 months pregnant, we don't really argue, we actually get along great and I have no complaints, except today.Anyway, my country of origin, until 2010ish, required that every male over the age of 18 complete mandatory military service. Even though I lived abroad, I got called (not uncommon) and I served (somewhat uncommon for people living abroad).This was while we were together, and even though it was hard, we worked through it. Since then, we have gone to visit my home country many times. She knows I feel strongly toward it (I am a patriot, realistically speaking). My wife is, mixed ethnicity to say the least. She's part European, part South Asian, part East Asian. She has no attachement to any country, it's really beyond her.Another thing to note is that, in spite of me having lived in the US for so long, I technically still live in my home country, at least according to it. I have a driver's license, an ID card, I'm a registered voter, I have an address, an apartment, I have a bank account, I've served in the army, I pay taxes, etc... I also feel that my home country is, my country. I don't feel any attachement to the US whatsoever. I'm here for the $$$, that is it. My wife is well aware of all this.About a month ago, I received, in the mail there, a call to a military exercise. This is a fifteen day thing. It's done every 10 years or so, so that you are still prepared, as much a conscript can be, to go into combat if the need arises. I was told about it by my cousin, who picks up my mail. He told me the dates I verified by calling the ministry. If I don't go, I've evaded an obligation to the state, and will get arrested the next time I enter the country, I think the penalty is 3 months in prison, I'm not sure, didn't really care because it never occurred to me to evade. The exercise is in August.So I told my wife I have to go to home country in August for two weeks, and figured I would extend it up to a month to see friends and family. I'm a contractor, so vacation isn't an issue. It didn't even occur to me not to go, even if I had a job, I'd quit to go (which is what I did the first time). Money isn't an issue either. I offered for her to go with me, at least for the part when I'm not serving.Yeah, she doesn't like it. Actually, she hates it. It turned into a big argument. About how I'm abondoning her when she's pregnant. I was shocked, honestly. She knows my feelings toward my country, she knows I would never evade an obligation to my state, and that if I cannot visit my country, my friends and family there, that I would likely jump off a bridge. She knew this when we started dating, and I figured my service when I did it would have made that abundantly clear.It should proabably also be noted that roughly every 50 years or so, my country goes to war. We're coming up on 20 since our last war, and tensions in the region aren't the greatest. There's nothing on the horizon, but realistically, no one really knows, a war could break out tomorrow, and no one would be that surprised. My wife is aware of this, and asked my what I would do if they called me to serve in that case. I told her I would serve. I've told her this a few times before when asked. My loyalty lies with my country and my family. If my family is taken care of in America (which they are) I have to go and protect both my country and my family back home. Well since then, I've gotten the silent treatment.I honestly don't know what to do, not serving is not an option for me. My wife has been well aware of this since January 2010, but is now making a stink about it. I get it that she's pregnant, but if I can't stand up for my country when it needs me, then I'm not fit to raise a child and stand up for him/her in its hour of need either.How can I make her see this?TLDR: home country called me to serve, wife thinks I'm picking my country over my family, but the two go hand in hand for me.