Wife does not want to relocate for my new job

Hi everyone, I’ve been a lurker for a while and can use some real honest advice.

Some background - My wife and I have been married for 4 months, and it has been absolutely wonderful. We were in a long distance relationship for nearly 6 years, and all throughout college. Living together has been wonderful, and we have an extremely happy and healthy relationship. After I graduated from college, I moved across the country to my wife’s home town.

We have had to face a lot of emotional burden immediately after getting married. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, my wife’s father informed us he was divorcing her mother. He did this while my wife’s mother was away visiting family. This has absolutely crushed my wife. She feels the need to be here for her mom and to take care of her through this situation, as her mom was a stay-at-home throughout their entire marriage.

My wife and I have been working at our first jobs out of college, and she is extremely happy with her job. She loves her coworkers, but has to drive over 1.5 hours to and from work every day.

I on the other hand, absolutely hate my job. It’s been soul crushing, and not at all what was promised. It’s a toxic work culture where coworkers have tried to take credit for my work, and management has left me with completely no direction. I’ve been searching for a new job, and a mentor of mine throughout college was able to put me in the running for a position that is my dream job at the company he works for, and I was just today offered the job. It’s not a significant pay increase from what I am currently making, but the benefits are a lot better (about $500 savings regarding insurance every month).

Here’s the kicker, the job would require my wife and I to move to either New York City or St Louis for only a year. After a year, the company would let me work wherever I want remotely. My wife so far has been unwilling to compromise, and keeps stating she doesn’t want to move, even if it is only for a year. She feels she needs to stay for her mother, and regardless of her long commute to work, doesn’t want to leave her job. She also does not want to rent out or sell the house we currently own in her hometown.

I feel completely stuck, as I am miserable in my current job and can’t stay any longer. This new job is my dream job, and I want to accept it, but my wife refuses to move and will not compromise. She says to me, “how do you even know you’ll like this new job?” I’ve tried to explain to her that I’ve done my research, and I know what I will be happy doing. Not only that, but my wife works in the artistic field. NYC is fantastic for artistic jobs, and could easily find a new job there. I have also asked her if maybe she could bring up our situation to her company (a start-up), and maybe they would let her work remotely for a year.

I’ve offered to move back to her home town after a year. I’ve already made a huge sacrifice, leaving my entire family and moving cross country to move to her home town. I’m not sure why she is so unwilling to make a small sacrifice for me.

Any advice on how other couples have handled relocation for work?

Submitted May 09, 2019 at 08:10PM

Hi everyone, I’ve been a lurker for a while and can use some real honest advice.Some background - My wife and I have been married for 4 months, and it has been absolutely wonderful. We were in a long distance relationship for nearly 6 years, and all throughout college. Living together has been wonderful, and we have an extremely happy and healthy relationship. After I graduated from college, I moved across the country to my wife’s home town.We have had to face a lot of emotional burden immediately after getting married. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, my wife’s father informed us he was divorcing her mother. He did this while my wife’s mother was away visiting family. This has absolutely crushed my wife. She feels the need to be here for her mom and to take care of her through this situation, as her mom was a stay-at-home throughout their entire marriage.My wife and I have been working at our first jobs out of college, and she is extremely happy with her job. She loves her coworkers, but has to drive over 1.5 hours to and from work every day.I on the other hand, absolutely hate my job. It’s been soul crushing, and not at all what was promised. It’s a toxic work culture where coworkers have tried to take credit for my work, and management has left me with completely no direction. I’ve been searching for a new job, and a mentor of mine throughout college was able to put me in the running for a position that is my dream job at the company he works for, and I was just today offered the job. It’s not a significant pay increase from what I am currently making, but the benefits are a lot better (about $500 savings regarding insurance every month).Here’s the kicker, the job would require my wife and I to move to either New York City or St Louis for only a year. After a year, the company would let me work wherever I want remotely. My wife so far has been unwilling to compromise, and keeps stating she doesn’t want to move, even if it is only for a year. She feels she needs to stay for her mother, and regardless of her long commute to work, doesn’t want to leave her job. She also does not want to rent out or sell the house we currently own in her hometown.I feel completely stuck, as I am miserable in my current job and can’t stay any longer. This new job is my dream job, and I want to accept it, but my wife refuses to move and will not compromise. She says to me, “how do you even know you’ll like this new job?” I’ve tried to explain to her that I’ve done my research, and I know what I will be happy doing. Not only that, but my wife works in the artistic field. NYC is fantastic for artistic jobs, and could easily find a new job there. I have also asked her if maybe she could bring up our situation to her company (a start-up), and maybe they would let her work remotely for a year.I’ve offered to move back to her home town after a year. I’ve already made a huge sacrifice, leaving my entire family and moving cross country to move to her home town. I’m not sure why she is so unwilling to make a small sacrifice for me.Any advice on how other couples have handled relocation for work?